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I’m fucking miserable.
Why is life so hard?
Why did I have to fall for this man?
“It’s best for me to move on,” I say, and they all start talking simultaneously. But I don’t even bother asking them to stop. I just sit there and listen to them chatter, all while trying to keep it together.
It’s not really working. I’m slowly unraveling.
“Oh my god, guys,” Jane suddenly interrupts, shushing everyone. She stares down at her phone and swipes at it twice. “What pipeline was Luke working on?”
“Oh Jesus, I can’t even think right now. That’s how bad I have to pee. This baby is killing me,” Eliza interrupts, pushing herself up, her hand on her stomach.
“Hold your pee, Eliza. This is important. Which pipeline?” Jane says, her eyes wide and her hand slightly shaking.
“If I see the name, I’ll remember,” I reply, and when Jane holds her phone up, my stomach drops.
“What is this, Jane?” I whisper, my entire body locking up.
“There was an explosion…” she begins, and I slump against the table, the entire room spinning. A roar starts in my ears and I’m finding it hard to breathe.
“Three dead, possibly more.”
“Oh my god,” Eliza says as I begin to hyperventilate.
Luke. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.Fuck.
Is he okay? I fumble with my phone and drop it on the ground. It skids across the floor, and I fall to my knees and crawl after it. With trembling fingers, I type out a message to him.
There’s no response.
No response.
“Guys,” Eliza cries, holding onto her stomach as she doubles over, moaning in pain. “I think that was a contraction.” And then I see something trickling onto the floor and my eyes widen. “I know it’s terrible timing, but I’m pretty sure my water just broke,” she tacks on, shaking slightly.
My eyes snap up to where she stands, and I inhale deeply.
I swipe at my eyes and stand up, swaying slightly on my feet.
“We need to get to the hospital. We need to call Seth,” I say, but my voice breaks, and I sink back down because my legs can’t hold me up. “We need….” My voice trails off on a choked sob.
“I’m sure Luke’s fine, El,” Kate says softly, crouching beside me. But I can’t stop the sobs escaping me to answer her. My chest is heaving with the pain of breathing.
If he’s gone, I missed my chance.
I’d squandered it. All because of misplaced pride and fear.
Fear of loving him. Of letting him in.
Fuck.
I press my face into my hands and try to keep it together for them, but I can’t.
I can’t.
I’m broken and won’t be put back together until I know he’s okay.
“Guys, I’m so sorry, but we have to go. You know how traffic is and I just had another contraction,” Eliza says, and Jane shuffles my numb body toward the van.
