Page 23 of Until Him


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Shaking my head at her, I turn my gaze and it lands on his desk where I notice a stack of papers. I press my finger against the top one and lean a little closer. It’s an application for a legal name change. Interesting. I wonder why he wants to do that. My eyes slide from those and land on a leatherbound book sitting on top of a stack of textbooks.

I pick it up and flip it open before slamming it shut quickly. Shit, it’s his journal. I could tell what it was after my eyes swept over a few lines.

Never was good enough. Am I trying to prove that I am? Why do I still care?

I shouldn’t have done that. I should probably hide that journal somewhere so I’m not tempted to read more, because if I do, he’ll be pissed. He’ll probably ban me from his place and refuse to tutor me anymore.

Or he’ll stick his cock in my mouth, which honestly, would be the preferable punishment.

I creep away from his desk like the villain I am and move back to his bed, pressing the cool washcloth to his face once more. He sighs in his sleep, oblivious to the fact that I’m skulking around his apartment, looking at shit I shouldn’t.

I just pray he doesn’t notice that his stuff has been moved and ask me about it, because I’ll blurt out the truth like I always do, and then I’ll be banned. Then there will be no hope left for me. I’ll be a benched player with nothing left to show for all my hard work. My abs will disappear, and my reputation will be in shambles.

TheLogan Lewis will just be a washed-up has-been.

And I won’t see Theo anymore.

God, I hope he doesn’t find out.

* * *

The next morning, I lie in his bed scrolling through Reddit when Theo rustles next to me. I press my hand to his still overheated skin but don’t wake him. He needs to rest some more. I’ll just leave a note on his bed and text him, letting him know that I have to go to practice and class but that I’ll be back later to make sure he’s okay.

To make sure he’s eating something and drinking enough water.

Maybe to see if he’ll mumble any more secrets for me to hear.

I wouldn’t mind a review on how well I jack him off, or maybe some more details about him that he keeps so guarded.

Oh, and I can’t forget about Curie. Not that she’d let me. She’s a hungry bitch. She meows incessantly until I feed her, then eats exactly two kibbles and glowers at me. Oh, and last night I saw her playing with the toy mouse I bought her. She swatted it right underneath the oven. Not quite sure how to get it out now that it’s under there.

She doesn’t seem to miss it. Cats are weird.

My phone pings, and when I see my brother’s name on the screen, my stomach clenches.

Landon:Finn told me you’re being tutored for chem.

My heart stutters in my chest. I don’t know why I feel like this. I shouldn’t. He’s my brother and my best friend, but guilt can eat a person up from the inside out. It’s going to destroy us if I let it.

I glance at the text again and sigh.

Fuck Finn for blabbing. I mean, I knew he’d tell Landon. The two of them are close, but still. Some things should remain private.

Me:Yeah, desperate times and all that.

Landon:We have a lot to talk about when we see each other.

Landon:When will that be?

Me:Soon.

Landon:Can’t evade me forever, bro. You gotta see me sometime.

Me:Next weekend, I promise.

Landon:You better not ditch. Or I’ll have to come to you.

I run a hand over my chest and push myself up off the bed. I know I can’t put it off any longer.

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