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Jesus.
My hands move to splay across the skin of his waist, and I pull him closer to me. We’re groin to groin and chest to chest. His lips are so close to mine, I could just tilt my head up and kiss him. I want to, so fucking bad.
He slides his hands through my hair and roughly pulls me so we’re eye to eye, noses brushing. I lick my lips in anticipation, but then he moves his lips to my ear and a tremble vibrates Theo’s body. My dick is so hard, pressed up against the fabric of my boxers, begging for him to touch it.
His soft, breathy words hit the shell of my ear, causing my entire body to shudder.
“I know what guilt feels like too. I feel guilty because my mom was on her way to a science fair I was competing in when her car was struck by a truck and she was killed.”
My breath catches in my throat and my hands tighten on him.
“She would have been at work, and wouldn’t have been on the road that day if I hadn’t asked her to come.”
“Theo,” I whisper, and he shudders once more against me. I can hear his staggered breath in my ear and despite the horror of what he just told me, my body continues to respond to the feel of his body pressed against mine.
“I had to take her off life support. Me. I made that decision alone.”
Jesus Christ. I clench onto him tighter, probably bruising him with my fingers, but I don’t want to let go.
“Your turn,” he says, his lips brushing against my ear as he speaks.
I try to will him to bite down on it. I just want to fuck our guilt away.
“It was last summer,” I start, my voice barely audible. I remember it like it was yesterday. My baby brother calling me, his words slurred, the heavy beat of music in the background, and the panic in his voice. “He was at a party late at night and he called me to pick him up.”
Theo shifts a little, his lips grazing my neck as he listens.
“I took my parents’ car and went to go get him, and when I got there, he was so out of it. He wasn’t himself. Come to find out, someone had slipped him something and he was high as a kite.”
Theo breathes against me and then asks, “Did you find out who did it?”
I shake my head. “No.”
One of my hands slides up his spine, bumping along the ridges, until I reach his neck. I love the feel of his skin. I love touching him.
“When I was driving him back home, he was freaking out and rambling, and I wasn’t watching the road like I should have. A deer ran out and I swerved to miss it and drove us right into a fucking tree.”
My chest hurts as I relive that night—the crunch of metal, the way Landon had cried out in agony, the red and blue flashing lights of the ambulance as they approached. His cries of pain are forever etched in my brain.
I still dream about that night sometimes. It took me a long while before I could get back into a car, too.
“They got us out, but his leg couldn’t be saved. He ran track in high school, and in college too. And now….”
I can’t keep going. My words trail off as I let out a long exhale. Shit.
“It wasn’t your fault, Logan,” Theo says, his words soft against my skin.
“It was, though. I should have done something differently….”
“No, you did nothing wrong. The only person you should blame is the person who spiked his drink.”
I swallow, my heart pounding—it feels like it’s trying to break right through my chest. All of these emotions mixed with the sensation of him on my lap are overwhelming. I feel overheated and dizzy. I want him inside of me. I want to be inside of him. He’s been temping me all day—brushing against me, touching his hand to mine, just fucking looking at me. I can’t take it anymore.
“Theo,” I whisper, his name floating across his cheek.
He leans up, his eyes boring into mine and that fucking mouth so damn close.
“You did nothing wrong, Logan. Nothing.”
