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“Yeah, so was Theo.”
Landon meets my wary gaze. “They want us to talk about it.”
I gulp. Oh hell.
“Probably should,” I squeak out.
Landon takes a sip of his water and I sigh heavily. I should just get it all out there. I can’t keep living like this.
“I just feel so guilty,” I blurt. “So much guilt, Landon. It’s overwhelming, so I ignore it. I think we’re good at that…ignoring the things that feel too big.”
My brother’s eyes grow watery, and he bobs his head. “We are, aren’t we? I blame dad. And the family curse.”
I just nod, because he’s right. My grandma died from a coconut falling on her head while vacationing in the Maldives, my dad’s marijuana plants all caught fire three years ago, and my brother lost his leg because of a suicidal deer.
Shit. I could go on and on.
I let out a wobbly laugh and then my voice breaks, “I should have done better this past year. It should have been me there with you, cheering you on. Not Finn.”
“No. None of that. You did nothing wrong. And you were there, as much as you could be.”
I swipe at my eyes. “Feels like I didn’t do enough.”
“You did enough,” Landon says, trying to reassure me. “And I don’t blame you. It happened, and it’s over. I have dealt with the trauma in therapy, but listen, Logan. Listen to me…” He reaches out and clutches my hand. “Do you know what I’ve been talking to my therapist about the last few months?”
I swallow and shake my head. “No.”
“You. Losing you. I could give a shit about my leg.”
I sniffle and swipe at my eyes. “You haven’t lost me. I’m right here.”
“But you’ve changed. Neither of us is the same.”
We stare at each other, and my heartbeat thunders in my ears.
“I’d lose all my limbs if I could have you back. Nothing has been more painful.”
A tear slips down my cheek and I force my gaze away because I’m going to sob. And I’m not a cute crier, either. I look ugly when I do it.
“I’m sorry,” I say and Landon sniffles too.
Yeah, here we go.
“So, stop being so fucking weird around me. I miss you too much.”
I nod and grip his hand tighter.
“I’ll do better.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” he says, clearing his throat and blinking the tears away.
We stare at each other in silence and then I laugh softly.
“We’re doing great so far.”
Landon chuckles and leans back in his seat. “We’ll give it time. We’ll heal eventually. It will be like nothing ever happened.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I mutter and then glance to my right and see Theo and Finn outside, pretending not to look at us.
