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The only downside to my protective argument was that Kincaid didn’t need anyone to protect her. The girl wasn’t made that way. Sure, she respected what a man could bring to the picture of her life, but if there was ever a female who didn’t need a man for anything other than dick, it was Kincaid Black. In fact, the girl didn’t need anyone. Saxton was the closest thing that she had to a weakness, and I wasn’t even sure that he was a weakness. Those two had a strange friendship, and it wasn’t one that you saw often if at all.
Kincaid’s gift-or curse-was that she could pause her emotions to concentrate on the bigger picture. Her heart came equipped with a switch that she could turn on or off like a goddamn android. I wasn’t sure how she managed her emotions when she finally faced them, but whatever she did, her ability to shut off her feelings made her one of the most dangerous humans on the planet.
She backed up all her decisions with logic, and for Kincaid, logic trumped feelings. When she walked away from me three years ago, she did just that. Kincaid had walked away and hadn’t looked back not once.
I ought to know.
So, the only thing I could do to survive had been to fight fire with fire. It had taken a few months, but I’d done it. Out-of-sight-out-of-mind had been the basis for my existence here at HU for the past three years, and I’d been hoping to hold onto that strategy until graduation.
However, best-laid plans and all that.
Now, we were thrown together in this clusterfuck revolving around The Order, and my strategy wasn’t working anymore. However, to be honest, I wasn’t sure it was every working. Even being with other girls hadn’t helped. I could count on one hand how many girls I’ve fucked since being with Kincaid, and every single one of them deserved an apology. My body might have been plowing into the girl, but my mind, heart, and soul had been pretending that she was Kincaid.
Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
That was the reason that there’s only been a handful of them. I’d feel so disgusted with myself afterwards that it’d take a long while before I felt comfortable enough to try again. However, every single fucking time that I did try again, the results had been the same.
Kincaid Black had broken my heart, and instead of having the decency to leave it at that, she’d taken all those broken pieces with her, and I had no idea how to get them back from her.
Making the second worst mistake of my life, I got out of my car, locked it up, then headed for the entrance of her condo building. I knew enough to know that she was going to have to buzz me in because sneaking in wasn’t an option. If I didn’t come at her directly and like a man, she’d chew up what was left of me, then spit me out.
Hitting the button with her last name on it, I waited until her voice came out of the tiny speaker. When she didn’t answer right away, I pushed the button again. I pushed it again, the whole time wishing that I’d never met Kincaid Black.
