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"Jump," I said. "Take a breath and just do it."
Nico squeezed his eyes shut, whined like a freaking dog, and let go of the branch. The second his feet touched the ground, his knees buckled. He fell into a heap on the grass.
And he started whimpering again.
"What's wrong with you now?" I asked.
He bent his leg toward his chest, bent his knee, and hugged it while whimpering some more. "I broke my ankle."
Yeah, right. Mr. Whiny-Ass broke his ankle.
"Let me have a look," I said, kneeling beside him. "You have to let go of your leg if you want me to check out your ankle."
He eyed me with deep suspicion, like I might rip his ankle clean off his leg. "Are you a registered nurse?"
I rolled my eyes. "No, princess, I'm not a nurse. But I've taken first aid classes, so I'm qualified to look at her your ankle without killing you."
Even though I'd kind of like to do that. Never in my life had I fantasized about murdering someone, but I did now. And the more time I spent around Nico, the more gruesome those fantasies got. The one that went through my head while I palpated his ankle involved a chainsaw.
He squealed. Seriously. Like a little pink piggy.
"Calm down," I said in my patient, professional voice, the one Eve had taught me. She'd told me everyone needed to have a voice like that for dealing with annoying people. Damn, she was right. I told Nico, "I'm barely touching you, so just try to relax while I gently feel your ankle to check for injuries. Okay?"
He nodded, his bottom lip quivering.
And yeah, he had tears forming in his eyes.
I focused on his ankle. Once I'd finished checking it out, I said, "No broken bones. But if it keeps hurting"---I held up a hand to stop him when he opened his mouth, to complain, no doubt---"I'll take you to the hospital. But only if it's super painful. Got it?"
"Yeah," he mumbled.
A squirrel chattered from high above us.
Nico screamed.
My ears hurt. I was kneeling right beside him, a few feet from his big mouth.
"That's a squirrel," I told him when he stopped screaming. "It won't hurt you."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive." I sighed. "I'll help you get up, and you can lean on me while we walk back to the guest house. If you can't manage that, I'll go get somebody to help me carry you. Okay?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
Nico was being polite. I'd known the guy for maybe an hour, but he'd acted like a jerk the whole time. I guessed getting injured while fleeing from a raccoon had made him humbler. At least for now.
I shoved my arms under his and hefted him up, careful not to bump his ankle or get it bent wrong. He threw an arm around me, and I kept my arm around him. Oh yeah, this was how I'd imagined spending my afternoon. Hugging Mara's ex-husband.
We started down the trail. It was slow going, with Nico limping, but we made gradual progress toward the trailhead. Nico got winded twice, and we stopped so he could rest. Maybe his ankle really did hurt a lot. I had to assume it did and give him the benefit of the doubt. When we trudged out of the woods, Val saw us. He'd been standing at the edge of the lawn, at this end, so he ran over to help me get Nico into the main house. It was closer than the guest house.
Nico didn't even bitch about a naked guy assisting him.
After a lot of wrangling, we got Nico on the sofa in the living room, lying lengthwise on it with his ankle propped up on pillows.
"We have Tylenol and Advil," Val said to Nico. "Would you like either of those?"
"Advil," he said. "Thanks."
