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She gets that look on her face again, the one that tells me she's upset but doesn't want to tell me why.
How can I help her if she won't let me? Not that I ought to be helping her. Erica's life is her business, not mine. I can't blame her for not sharing her problems with me since I've refused to share mine with her.
I prop one ankle on the other knee, then drop it again and drum my foot on the floor while running a hand up and down my thigh. "Say something, please."
"Um…I can't."
"But you're on sabbatical from your work."
"Yeah, but I can't just pick up and go. I have…obligations."
"Such as?"
She grips her knees. "Off-limits."
Every time she throws my rules back in my face, I get a feeling like I've swallowed a cold steel ball and it's about to rip through my guts. My shoulders sag. "If you don't want to go, it's fine."
A car horn beeps outside. Erica jumps.
I stare at her, my foot drumming faster.
She wrings her hands. "I want to go with you, Lachlan. But I just can't. My life is way more complicated than you realize, and I know you have zero interest in hearing about it. Which leaves me with no way to explain." Her shoulders cave in, and her lips tremble ever so slightly. "I can't—I can't leave the area. My reasons are personal."
"Ah." I angle away from her, though only by a few inches. I've slammed into the wall I built between us, and I don't like it at all. My eyes want to look at her, but I can't do it.
Erica lays a hand on my arm. "Why is this so important to you?"
Aye, that's the question I've been asking myself since I suggested we take a trip together. My gaze shifts to the window that overlooks the backyard and the park beyond it. Children climb around on monkey bars while their mothers watch from a bench nearby.
I used to want children, but two months after I married Aisley, she had announced she never wanted bairns. Maybe I should've left her then and there, but I was raised to believe a man shouldn't abandon his wife without serious cause. So instead, I'd accepted my wife's decision and let her whittle away at me for twelve fucking years.
Erica deserves better than what I can give her.
I turn toward her, but for a moment, I can't speak. She's so bonnie, so sweet, and clever too. Maybe I can't offer her a lifetime of happiness, but I can give her something close to happiness for the next seven days.
Enjoy whatever time you have with her.
I take my own advice and smile at Erica, infusing the expression with all the good things she makes me feel. Then I squeeze her hand. "I enjoy your company. Nothing more."
Her spine snaps straight, and she puckers her lips a touch. "Right, no personal involvement. I needed the reminder, thanks."
Maybe I could've phrased that better, but we need to work within the parameters of our arrangement before we both start to feel things we shouldn't.
Unless it's too late.
I rub my forehead with my thumb and forefinger. "I'm sorry. It came out all wrong." I drop my head back against the sofa and groan. "Och, you make me lose my mind. I can't drum up the right words when I'm with you." With a rueful smile, I tilt my head toward her until our gazes meet. "My bum's oot the windae now."
She laughs and leans her head on my shoulder. "I can't leave the state, but I could go for a little road trip. Get away from the city for a few days." She props her chin on my shoulder. "How's that sound?"
"Perfect. We've had the main course—these weeks together here. It's time for dessert."
"A road trip sundae with sex and a cherry on top?"
I feel my brows tighten. "There are times when I think Americans speak an alien language."
"Right back atcha, Mr. Highland Sex God."
"Sex god?"
