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This was my life.
With a heavy sigh, I went to them and helped gather the bags into a pile on the table. When I glanced back at Mom, she was standing over Eli, stroking his forehead.
“Don’t wake him,” I growled, and Elaina gasped beside me.
“Evan, I don’t think that’s any way to talk to your mother. It was my fault.” A hand landed on my arm. “We had so much fun shopping, good old girly fun, and I guess we got carried away.”
I hated the way she covered for Mom. Time and time again, they did it.The party went on longer than we anticipated. Darryl wanted to celebrate. We all got so drunk we didn’t remember to call and check in.I’d heard all the excuses in the book, but none of them changed the fact that Mom switched her parenting responsibilities on and off when it suited her.
“Evan.” Mom joined us, wearing an expression mixed with annoyance and regret. “I’m sorry. It was a mistake. The mall was loud, and we were in the store. I would have called them right back. You know that.”
I really didn’t.
“He’s home,” I said. “That’s all that matters.”
“Well, Ellen, I really should be getting back to Darryl. You know how he gets if I’m gone for too long, but let me know about the weekend, okay?”
They air-kissed, and I wanted to hurl. It was so fake and conceited.
“Evan.” Elaina turned to me, waiting, but I didn’t move. Instead, I grunted out a curt bye. She gave me an eye roll and headed out.
When the front door slammed shut, Mom said, “It wouldn’t hurt you to be nice to her. She’s your aunt.”
I wanted to say so many things, but I learned a long time ago that nothing I said made a difference. So I swallowed down the words and bottled them away along with all the other shit I carried around with me.
“I’ll be in my room. Tell Eli he can come hang out when he wakes if he wants.”
“Evan, please—” Mom said.
But I was already walking away.
* * *
Eli didn’t come hang out. Eventually, Mom woke him after making his favorite soup, but he couldn’t stomach any, so she put him to bed. I waited until they were both asleep before slipping out. I didn’t know where I was going, but I needed to get out of the house.
It was suffocating.
It wasn’t until the old Ferris Wheel loomed overhead that I realized I’d driven out to Rogues. I parked and gripped the wheel, deciding whether to get out, or turn around and go home.
It wasn’t the same coming out here now that Becca wasn’t around. Nothing was the same without her. Part of me considered going to see if Scarlett and the others were here because they usually were. But I hadn’t hung out with people since back in eighth grade, and even then, I was always on the periphery looking in.
When Dad left and Mom turned to the bottle, something shifted in me. High school drama, dating, drinking, and getting high with friends all paled against the responsibility I shouldered. It was one of the reasons I didn’t step in to help Ami. I’d known that Kendall was making her life hell—everyone had.
Ami even came to me once, asking for help. She’d made it known that she had a crush on me, but I wasn’t interested. Malachi liked her, and I wouldn’t do that to him. I was the only one with the power to do anything, yet I knew if I revealed Kendall’s big secret, not only would it tear her family apart, but the fallout would also affect mine. I was young and selfish, and I’d turned a blind eye, and a girl’s life had been ruined in the process.
I slammed my fist down hard against the leather, pain shooting up my wrist and into my arm. But I welcomed it. Pain meant feeling and feeling meant I wasn’t numb. Not yet. Being numb meant you were done fighting, and I wasn’t done. Becca had made me feel, and now that I’d experienced it, I didn’t want to give it up.
Ever.
CHAPTER13
BECCA
“Looking for someone?”Jace’s voice startled me, and I almost slipped off the stool. He laughed, sliding a bottle of water toward me. “Here.”
“No one in particular.” I grabbed the bottle and uncapped the lid. “Thanks.”
Liar.I was looking for Malachi, hoping that maybe he decided to come after all, even though he pulled me to the side today at school and told me he couldn’t come tonight. But here I was anyway, sipping on water and hoping my face didn’t betray the anxiety churning around my stomach.
