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And I wanted to hold onto that.
Just for tonight, I wanted to believe things were okay.
CHAPTER16
EVAN
I wanted her.
I wanted her so fucking much it hurt. My dick strained painfully against my jeans, and I wanted nothing more than to feel her skin pressed against me as I slid inside her, over and over.
Shit.
What was I thinking? We were in the middle of nowhere on the hood of my car. She deserved better than this. She deserved roses and dinner dates and all that stuff girls like Becca wanted.
Stuff I couldn’t ever give her.
Fuck.My body stumbled back away from her as my eyes shuttered with the realization. What was I doing? Becca was better than this, better than me and my fucked-up family, and sex on the hood of a car.
“Evan?” Her voice coaxed my eyes open. She was watching me, looking right at me with her big browns, and for the first time in my life, I felt like someone could see into me. See all the things I kept bottled down, out of reach.
“I should take you home,” I ground out, rubbing my temples and trying to focus. I didn’t want to leave. Hell, I didn’t want this to ever end because I knew, come morning,thiswould be over. Becca’s wall would be back up and fortified stronger than ever, and I would have to deal with life.
“Evan, what is it? What’s wrong?” Her voice was small, and I hated that I’d caused that—made her question herself.
Clenching my fists at my sides, I said,“I’m no good for you.” I looked away, not wanting to see any judgment in her eyes, but she moved closer, reaching for me.
“Stop, Evan. Look at me.” Becca tugged on my hand, and my eyes met hers. She gave me a small smile. “You’re one of the most selfless people I know. The way you take care of Eli, of your mom.”
My chest tightened, but there was no time to acknowledge the feelings swelling in me because she leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed me. It felt different, or maybe that was just what I wanted to believe—that Becca thought I was worthy.
Worthy of her.
Her lips traced along my jaw until her mouth was at my ear.“I want you, Evan. I want you so much it hurts.”
My free hand moved to the swell of her hip, and I pulled her flush against me, digging my fingers into her skin harder than I should have. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.” My voice was low, a whisper in her hair.
“Make me forget. Please, make me forget, Evan.”
Christ, did she have any idea what she was doing to me? I was giving her an out, a chance to walk away.
Didn’t she see that?
Becca’s teeth grazed the skin underneath my ear, and a growl worked its way up my throat as the last thread of my control snapped. My hands skimmed around her ass and I yanked her against me. “There’s no going back,” I said. “We do this, and I won’t let you run next time things get rough.”
And they would because that was my life. I couldn’t promise her smooth sailing with my mom spiraling more and more and Kendall on some crusade to run Becca out of town, and she needed to know that.
But no answer came. She just clung to me like I was her air, kissing and sucking and biting. I pulled away, and her heated gaze stared back at me, cheeks flushed, the rise and fall of her chest quick.
“Come on.” I led her around to the side of the Impala, opening the back door. “Get in.”
Becca knew what I was asking, and part of me wondered if she’d stop, finally realizing that she didn’t want this, that I wasn’t worth this. But my girl surprised me. Dropping onto the seat, she shimmied back until her long legs were stretched out in front of her.
I leaned into the car and curled my hand around her ankle, tugging gently until she lay back flat against the leather. Shucking out of my leather jacket, I shoved it over the seat and yanked my t-shirt over my head. Leaning up on her elbows, Becca’s eyes raked over me, a hint of a smile on her lips. That look was everything. I wanted to bottle it and keep it forever. Kneeling on the edge of the seat, I ran my hands up her bare legs, dragging the sweater dress with them. Becca sat forward as much as possible, letting me pull it over her head, and it joined my t-shirt on the floor of the Impala.
I lowered myself over her until her back was flat against the seat. Becca went willingly, kissing me eagerly as I slid a hand down to her panties. I dipped it into the material to feel how much she wanted this. Her soft moans begged for more, and I pressed a finger inside her.
“Does that feel good?”
