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“Seriously, Mom, I am right here.” My voice was shrill. “And I’m not acting out. I’m just… I can’t breathe in this place. I need to get out occasionally. I’m not hurting anyone or doing anything illegal.”
Mostly, but they didn’t need to know that. Getting high and underage drinking was a rite of passage for the kids in Credence.
Dad gripped Mom’s shoulders and leaned in to whisper something to her. Her frown melted away, and she sighed. “Fine, fine, you see if you can talk any sense into her. I’ll be upstairs. Good night, Becca.”
“Night,” I said, settling my gaze on my father.
“Becca,” he finally addressed me. “How about you come have a chat with your old man? Like old times?”
“Whatever, Dad.” I brushed past him and made my way to his den like I had a hundred other times when we’d lived in Montecito. He spent so much time in the damn thing.
It was usually the only place you could get his attention. I dropped onto the leather armchair in the corner of the room, my muscles deliciously sore thanks to Evan and his Impala.
“How have you been?” Dad took his usual seat behind his desk.
“Okay, I guess.” This was weird. Could he tell I’d just had sex? Not that he was around enough anymore to notice the small things. He hadn’t even noticed the piercing in my nose until Mom pointed it out over dinner one night. That had been fun.
“Becca, you haven’t said a single word to me since I told you Kane is awake.” A shudder ripped through me at the mention of his name. “I’m sorry, that was unnecessary. I’ve given you time, sweetheart, but you can’t hold this against me forever. I only kept it from you because I thought I was protecting you.”
People kept saying that.We did it to protect you. But what happened to being honest and letting me decide what I needed protecting from or didn’t? I wasn’t a child anymore. Being constantly treated like one was frustrating.
“I know, and I will be forever grateful for what you did for me, but you can’t keep hiding things from me, Dad. I deserved to know he was awake.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. He looked so tired as if he was carrying the weight of the world. I guess in some ways, he was. And it was all my fault. A burst of self-loathing filled my chest. No matter how much I tried to push it down and forget, there was no escaping Kane Larson.
“I didn’t want you to worry.”
A strangled laugh tumbled out. “It’s a bit late for that,” I said. “I’ll never forget what happened, Dad. I have to live with it for the rest of my life, but I’m trying to move on. To put it behind me. You keeping this from me… It hasn’t made it any easier.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”
Silence filled the room until it pressed against me, stifling and heavy.
“I’m not acting out.” I didn’t know why I felt the need to tell him that. Mom didn’t get it. She never did. “I just… I’m just trying to fit in. School is…”
“Different. I know, Becca. And I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if I did the right thing by bringing us here. But you deserve to graduate, to go to college, and have a life. And Mac, he wanted to help…” His voice trailed off as he stared out at nothing.
“Dad?”
He blinked, coming back to me, and helped himself to a drink. “What happened was an accident. You were defending yourself. Your mother is just worried. I’m worried. You’re so different,sweetheart, and it scares us.”
My eyes dropped to the floor. He was right. I was different. But surely, they hadn’t expected me to be the same girl as before? She was gone long before we moved here.
“You know, that night, when I found you…” Dad paused, and I held my breath, waiting. “Everything I knew went right out the window. All I saw was my daughter, bruised and covered in blood, and I wanted tomake it all go away.”
I lifted my eyes and met his. They were damp with tears, sad. “And it was all my fault.” He lifted the glass to his mouth, tipping his head back.
“Dad, don’t, please.” I hated that he blamed himself. He couldn’t have done anything. That was all on me. I flirted with Kane, I pursued him, and I played his game because he made me feel desired and special. But I realized now, that was what it was to him. A game. A dark and twisted game.
“Dad, none of what happened was your fault. I made some bad decisions, and I’m so sorry I put you and Mom through that.”
He didn’t speak, too overcome with emotion, no doubt. We didn’t discuss what happened often, but when we did, Dad struggled with it, as any father would. I went to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.
“Thank you, for everything. I love you, Dad. But you have to trust me. Evan is a good guy. I like him. He makes things… easier. I know what I’m doing.”
He patted my arm but remained silent, and I left. Over the past year, I’d learned he had his own way of dealing…
And I had mine.
