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It’s then that Mark jerks his head up to glare at me with blazing blue eyes.
“You’re fine alone,” he parrots in a wooden voice. “I think that’s the problem.”
I stare at him.
“Mark, you know I’m a single mom. I have to be self-sufficient because that was my plan from the get-go. I’m responsible for this child, and no one else.”
Mark buries his head in his hands again, and I can hear him breathing loudly, trying to calm himself down. But before I can speak, he looks up once more and fixes me with that azure stare.
“So what about me then?”
I blink, startled.
“What about you?”
“What aboutus?” he asks, swirling his hand in a circle between us. “What about what we have together?”
Uh oh. Warning bells go off in my head because I’ve been in this situation before, although none of them men seem quite as agonized as Mark at the moment.
“Well, we have something good together,” I say slowly. “It works for both of us, and I’m very happy to have you in my life.”
My lover lets out a rude snort.
“Very happy, huh? Well, what if I said I want more? I don’t just want to come over for fuck-and-sucks, Freya. I want us to be something real. Something … I don’t know,” he says helplessly before jumping to his feet and beginning to pace around. Mark is so gorgeous with his broad shoulders and long legs, and my heart breaks a little because I don’t want to see him in pain. This is not what I intended when we started this.
“Mark,” I say in a slow voice. “I hear what you’re saying, but you know I can’t provide that. Plus, it isn’t part of the deal we made.”
“What deal?” he asks furiously, whipping his head around to glare at me. I swear, if eyes had lasers, then I’d be a pile of ash right now, seeing how he’s ready to take me down. “I never agreed to anything.”
I nod.
“I know, but we talked about our lives, and where we were at when this first started. I thought I was totally clear that I’m not looking for a relationship, and you said that you weren’t either.”
Mark paces even faster while running one hand through his black locks in an agitated manner.
“I know I said that,” he growls. “But that’s before I got to know you, Freya. I got to meet you and talk to you, and now, I want more than just some arrangement where I come over and pound you in the ass. I want to expand the boundaries of our relationship. Heck, I want to acknowledge that we’reina relationship, instead of just thinking of you as my ‘fuck buddy’ because actually, I don’t think of you as that. I think of you as my girlfriend.”
I wilt a little even as my heart goes soft.
“Oh Mark,” I say in a low voice. “I’m so sorry.”
He whirls on me again.
“I’m sorry?Is that all you have to say? Why, am I such rancid meat that you won’t even consider a relationship with me?”
Tears spring to my eyes as I shake my head.
“Of course not,” I say in a soft voice. “You’re absolutely a man that I, and many other women, would love to date. But just not at this moment in my life,” I say.
“Why not?” he practically howls, clutching his head now. “What’s wrong with me?”
I swallow hard as the tears begin to run down my cheeks.
“It’s not you. It’s because I’m pregnant, and I’m expecting a child, and I wanted to do this alone. I know it takes a village to raise a child, yada yada yada, but in this case, I made a conscious choice to go it alone, and I want to stick with my original plan. I know it makes no sense to you, and it probably makes no sense to a lot of people, but that’s just what I want.”
Mark stares at me.
“That’s bullshit,” he says in a flat voice. “You can just say it, Freya. You’re not interested in a relationship because you don’t feel that way about me.”
