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“How’s your love life?” The question is asked by Ivy and aimed at Lillian who delicately blushes a dark shade of red.
“You really don’t even want to know.” She seems to get sucked into her own thoughts as she tips her head back, downing the drink. When the glass is empty, her lips pucker shut and she makes no move to elaborate.
This doesn’t feel like a party; this feels like a support group. “Well, if we can’t talk about our problems, let's drink until we can’t remember them.”
There are a few hoots as everyone says ’cheers to that’ and ‘cheers’ before throwing back the cocktail. It's sweet and fruity, the kind that makes me feel as though I’m going to have sore teeth in the morning. But even though I can’t taste any alcohol, I know it must be strong if Lillian made it. Tonight is going to be a night to remember, but I think the only person that actually will is Ivy.
Chapter Twelve - Lillian
How did I go so long without this? Surely it wasn't always this good? I've had plenty of sex before, hell I have a child and she wasn't made with happy thoughts alone. However I don't remember the touch of a man's hands to elicit such pleasure.
I feel drunk with his touch after the last few days. As happy as he makes me and as good at the sex is, I can’t help but fear it going wrong. Even whole making plans for him to spend time with Lila. I still have this almost overwhelming feeling for dread which I can only blame on the holidays. They do really hate me. Everything always goes wrong for me near Christmas. It’s just a thing that’s developed since before Lila was born.
“What would you like to do with her?”I can’t believe that he’s so eager to spend time with Lila. I’m even more surprised that I’m letting him. It almost doesn’t feel as though it has been long enough, but if I go off how I am feeling…then it doesn’t feel like a bad idea at all. I didn’t think I would begin to have these feelings again. It's nerve racking. How can this be so enthralling but terrifying at the same time?
"I don't know, maybe something physical like going to those places that has all the trampoline some ball pits. You know, the ones for adults. It will probably be better if we're actually doing an activity instead of trying to make too much conversation." His shifts next to me. Ideally playing with the thin material of my dress, I should really put some real clothes on instead of my nightdress.
Something I know for sure is that being in the grey area where you thought of seeing each other but not official yet it's very confusing. I almost feel as though I shouldn't act a certain way without the label but then I think of how much different a situation would be if I did do that and I'm not sure if I like the expected outcome.
“So you want to pick her up and take her to an activity? When was you planning to do this…” I know Lila wants to because she has already said as much to him and me in private but I need to ask again just in case.
“Can I let you know when I’ve spoken to Fitzy about the pool? She mentioned some more stuff she wanted me to help her with.” He moves past me towards the coffee machine on the counter in the kitchen. Putting a pod into the coffee machine. After spending so much tie here, it’s nice to feel at him with him here.
“Okay…” I can talk to her about it when she is back tomorrow morning. She’s sleeping over again tonight so we can go to Lillian’s party. I wonder if she’s better than our little support session last week. She didn’t look like she was that great but didn’t open up about what. I did hear her mention a man but didn’t catch details before Ivy said something and distracted me.
“I’m going o get ready I guess.” I should have a shower. It’s one of those come early and lets get double drunk kind of invites but I don’t even feel like drinking tonight so I think I’ll just be on soda tonight.
“Okay, I”m going to run back to my apartment and get ready myself. Oliver asked for my help with something so can I be a dick and ask you to meet me there?” He looks so apologetic that my heart swells. He’s a good one and I can’t help but feel giddy that he’s chose me.
“Of course that’s okay. It will be nice to have a bit of girly me time.” No kids, bubble bath kind of beauty time. I love my daughter but we do spend every minute together, and even when she’s slept at a friends house lately, I’ve had Noah here to so I haven’t really had any time alone for just me.
“Good, enjoy your quality time and I’ll see you there.” He gives me a slow lingering kiss against the counter before taking his mug and walking out the door. How he can go out with coffee in a real cup, blows my mind. At least I don’t have to worry about him bringing the cup back, it’s one he turned up with full of coffee last week, not one of mine out the cupboard.
Watching him leave brings me a touch of sadness but it’s quickly replaced with excitement for some me time. Me time that is spent putting multiple serums, creams on my face and with a tissue mask stuck to my face I pick out a dress that I always saved for something special.
Chapter Thirteen - Silvia
As I walk toward Lillian’s apartment, I try to tell myself not to fiddle with my dress. But I still find myself trying to tug it down and sit differently across my stomach. It’s tighter than I remember but I know it looks nice. It’s definitely not unflattering; it’s just far more revealing than anything I have worn in a while. I can’t decide if it’s something I should be doing. It's been a long time since I felt this risqué. But it doesn’t feel wrong. I feel sexy. Is this confidence from dating Noah? Or is it the dress? I’ve known a few dresses in the past that made me do stupid things.
“Sylvi!” I’m surprised to see Lillian answer the door. I kind of expected it to be just left open for everyone to wander in. There’s a lot of people here. As soon as I step past her, I’m shocked at the amount of people crammed into her apartment. Many of them I believe I recognize, most likely from the coffee shop, but I can’t put names to faces.
“How’s the party going?” I follow her to her kitchen where she pours me a glass of bubbly. Her apartment is fancy on a normal day, but tonight it’s dripping in red and green Christmas decorations and Christmas lights.
“It’s great! I can’t believe how many people actually turned up!” Her elatedness gives away how many drinks she has had. “It’s so nice to see you here!” She wraps her arm around me in a clumsy hug before randomly starting to look around us. “I’ve seen your man here somewhere.” She gives up looking as she turns back to the counter to refill her drink, ignoring the staff she has obviously employed for the party when they offer to do it for her. I’m not sure she even’s notices they’re there as she turns back to me. “I’m sure he will find you. He’s so into you.” I’m not sure how to feel about that. Does she mean it? Or is she doing that thing girls do when they get drunk? I know I’m terrible for being overly friendly and supportive of everything when I’ve had too much to drink. Worse than Lillian.
“I’m going to try and find him!” It feels weird to stand here knowing he is here somewhere.
The living room is filled with people, drinking, dancing, talking, and laughing. It’s thrumming with Christmas cheer and I can almost feel myself starting to enjoy it.
“Sylvia!” The voice belongs to a girl that is very, very familiar, but I can’t place her. She’s probably a regular in the coffee shop but my party-addled brain can’t place her overly pretty features. “It’s lovely to see you out! How’s your daughter?”
“She’s okay…” I deter the conversation as I escape and continue my search of the room. Is he in here? Noah’s name snaps my attention back to her though. How does she know Noah? How does she know that’s whom I’m looking for?
“I saw him in the study earlier.” She points to a room off to my right and I notice the people milling in and out. I take note of her dress; it’s sequin-covered and barely covers the important bits. Her dress definitely makes me feel better about mine. Hers almost makes my dress look like Sunday’s best.
“Thank you.” As I walk away, I realize I didn’t get her name. I’m never going to learn everyone’s names if I don’t ask them. If I see her again, I’ll have to ask.
The study proves empty and I find myself being tempted to just text him. He could have left and not even be here at the moment. Entering the living room, I can’t help but begin to feel stupid. I’m searching around like a lost puppy. He’ll find me if he is here. I heard he is here, and he’ll hear I’m here now and come looking for me.
