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“Promise me, Aggie.”
“I promise. I'm just going to hang here for a bit then pack some clothes and drive over.”
“Call me if you need anything.” Summer gave her another hug, collected her bag, and headed out the door.
Alone, Aggie wandered aimlessly around her apartment. Her home felt different now, like Nick had contaminated it with his lies. She felt lost. Totally broken. Even as young as she had been when her mother died, her mom had warned her that one day letting her emotions rule her was going to wind up getting her hurt. And she had been right. Aggie had let her emotions cloud her judgment and given Nick the power to break her heart.
Five days.
That was all the time she had known Nick. It felt likesomuch longer. She felt like she had known him all her life. But she hadn’t. And you could not get to know someone enough in five days to say you were in love. So why was she always so stupid? Why did she always mess things up? If she had listened to Summer and slowed things down with Nick, then she wouldn’t be feeling this way right now. It seemed quite clear that she was incapable of recognizing what love really was.
She was in full self-flagellation mode when she heard her front door open. “Summer, I promise you, I'm … oh,” she broke off when she came back into the living room and saw who was standing there. More weary than angry, she just stared. “What are you doing here? I thought I made myself pretty clear. I don’t want to ever see you again.”
“I won't let you walk away. I can't.” Nick looked more haggard and drawn than she felt.
“You don’t have a choice.” Aggie turned and intended to leave the room, pack, and head to her friend’s, but Nick moved with surprising speed and was suddenly in front of her.
“I want to explain,” he pleaded.
“I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it. I wouldn’t believe you anyway.” Or what Aggie was more worried about is that shewouldbelieve him because she wanted to, shereallywanted to, but she wasn't so stupid that she would make the same mistake again and believe anything Nick said. She was angry, furious, livid, yet her anger melted away when Nick was near. It didn’t disappear, but it changed, became more pain than rage.
“Aggie, I'm sorry. I started this intending to use you. It sounds so horrible now when I say it out loud, but that was the plan. Your dad had killed two of his ex-wives, I needed proof, you seemed like the best way of getting close enough to get it. I never expected to feel anything for you, only mild regret for using you and breaking your heart. I don’t date, Aggie, ever. After losing my parents and then foster families, I couldn’t go through it again, so I just shut down. I stopped feeling anything for anyone. I don’t even have friends. Even Miller and I aren’t that close. But you changed that. I don’t know how you did it, but your openness, the way you're not afraid to feel your emotions, it did something to me. It changed me somehow. I wanted to save Emily’s life, but I shouldn’t have thrown you under the bus to do it. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. I never thought I would fall for you, develop feelings for you, I didn’t even think it could happen, that I could ever fall in love with someone. But I have. I'm falling in love with you.” He was looking at her anxiously, awaiting her response.
“I was stupid for you before, believing everything you said, I won't make that mistake again.” Aggie wished Summer was still here, her friend would make sure that she used her brain and not her heart.
“I know I have given you no reason to trust me …”
“Ididtrust you,” she interrupted. “That was the problem. I trusted you because you saved my life. Only you didn’t. You had your partner attack me on purpose to deliberately scare me.” Aggie didn’t want to cry again, especially in front of Nick, but deliberately ignoring her the tears came anyway. “I was injured.”
“You weren’t supposed to get hurt,” Nick explained quickly. “We weren’t expecting you to fight back.”
“You mean I wasn't supposed to get hurt physically. Iwassupposed to get hurt emotionally, so that I would turn to you. I had nightmares.” She couldn’t comprehend how Nick could do that to her. To anyone. He had to know it would leave her traumatized and give her a scar that she would bear for the rest of her life. And yet he hadn’t cared. All that had been important to him was his case.
“I know. I was there in your bed holding you. I felt horrible. Guilty as hell.” Nick looked both guilty and devastated, but she had learned never to take things at face value with him.
“And yet you continued on with your game. You sat there and listened to me as I opened up to you. Told you how my mom’s death and my father’s constant remarrying made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and all the time you were just making notes and laughing at me behind my back.” That hurt almost most of all. She didn’t talk about that time in her life with many people. She buried that pain away, focused on being the bright, bubbly, perky woman that people expected her to be.
“Ineverlaughed at you, Aggie, not once. I didn’t enjoy what I was doing. I never thought I would enjoy it, even when I thought of you as just a tool.” He winced when he saw her flinch at his words. “I was just doing my job. That was all. I couldn’t see another way to get close enough to your father to get proof of what he did. Selene and Claudia’s cases are closed, but the similarities between them strongly indicate that the same person killed both women. I couldn’t risk him hurting Emily too, I had to try to stop him. I hate that I used you. I regret that I decided to use you, and yet at the same time I couldn’t wish away something that brought you into my life. I'm sorry, Aggie. I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, but I am. I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back.”
Nick stared at her so imploringly that her heart threatened to betray her and immediately take him back. Instead, she did the sensible thing, really the only thing she could do given the circumstances. “You lied to me. And I mean big-time lies. I can't ever believe anything you say after that. Did you lie to me about losing your parents?”
His dark blue eyes grew wide. “What? No. Absolutely not.”
“Are you sure? Because that would have been a great way to connect with me given my mother died when I was a child. And it was a great way to make me feel sorry for you.”
“I didn’t lie about that,” he assured her. “I did lose my parents in a car accident when I was two. I did go to foster care, I did lose my foster father, and then with the second family my foster brother. I did refuse to go and live with another family after that. Aggie, yes, I lied to you, I'm not denying that, but the only thing I lied about was my job. Everything else that happened between us was real. When you asked me if I loved you and I said yes, that was real. When we made love, that was real.” Nick stepped closer, took her good hand in his and lifted it to his lips, kissing her knuckles then holding it to his cheek. His other hand curled around her neck, his head dipped, his lips brushed hers, testing. When she didn’t move, he released her hand and dropped his to the small of her back, pulling her up against his body and kissing her properly, hungrily, like he never wanted it to end.
“Stop.” She pulled away, coming to her senses. “Stop, stop, stop. Why are you doing this to me? It’s not fair. You think you can just say sorry, kiss me, and everything is okay? It doesn’t work that way. Please, leave me alone. Just go, Nick. Just go and never come back. Stay away from me and from my father.”
“I can't do that, Aggie. My job is to find Emily Hadden, and your father has her. And I have no intention of walking away from you. I’ll give you time, I’ll earn your trust, I’ll do whatever you need me to do, but I won't walk away from you. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I love you. You know that in your heart. You knew it when you looked into my eyes last night when you asked me if I loved you. If you hadn’t known I was telling the truth, then you wouldn’t have made love to me.”
Then he was gone, and she was sinking to the floor, emotionally exhausted.
What was she thinking, allowing Nick to kiss her. She didn’t want him back. Even if she could learn to forgive him, she could never trust him. What kind of relationship could they have without trust?
She hoped he’d been lying when he said he couldn’t walk away. She needed him to. She was afraid she wasn't strong enough to keep telling him to stay away. It was like she was mesmerized whenever he was around, like she couldn’t think properly. Already with him gone her anger was reigniting.
Aggie pressed her hand to her aching heart and prayed she could get over Nick.
