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I sit up and swing my feet to the floor. Can I somehow convince Anna to like me again in the remaining five days aboard this ship? After pulling on clothes, I step out into the hall to brave the late-night revelers. I need fresh air, and I know the perfect place. There’s a running track up on deck seventeen, at the very top of the boat, high above everything else. At this hour, nobody will be running.
* * *
ZOEY
It’s the middle of the night, but Jamie is still in Oscar’s cabin. I want to talk to Jamie about what happened at the spa. About my bizarre mixture of feelings, and that sexy photo Anna wants me to take, and Grant’s lack of response since we left NOLA, and also the way Sebastian’s, erm-thingy- keeps shoving its way into my thoughts when I least expect it. But Jamie and I haven’t had a moment alone all day. I need to talk to someone. I text my sister again, sending her a photo of Sebastian that Jamie took at the pool yesterday.
Zoey: You up, sis?
Zoey: I saw THIS GUY naked today.
Zoey: Help, my brain is making me crazy!!!!!
But she doesn’t reply. It’s way too late, and she’s probably sleeping. I moan and roll over on the bed, burying my face in my pillow. I know Anna would say that if Grant hasn’t replied to me yet, I shouldn’t write back. But I’m restless and lonely, and it can’t hurt to let him know I was kidding when I denied him the full body photo he wanted, right? I’m not a complete prude. I mean, I am, but I don’t want to be. He needs to know that. I sit up and type.
Zoey: You know I was only teasing about the photo the other day, right neighbor?
Bubbles appear and then disappear. I stare at the phone, waiting, until a message pops up.
Grant: Ur up? It’s late! U off that cruise ship yet?
Zoey: Watching the ocean, all alone…
Grant: Bummer. At the wedding in NOLA now. You should find me at this hot hotel when you get off the ship. Half of Hollywood is at this wedding!
Zoey: Really?
Grant: Yeah, there’s a director here you should meet.
Zoey: Besides Virginia Covney?
Grant: Yes. A director who’s looking for someone like you.
Zoey: Wow!
Grant: I talked you up.
Zoey: OMG. Thank you!
Grant: NP! Gotta go! V is back! TTYS.
What is happening? Is this professional networking or a booty call? I make my way to the windows and stare out at the dark ocean, feeling empty.
In Oscar’s room there’s a thump, and then giggling. I close my eyes, trying to picture Grant’s intrigued grin the day I accepted Anna’s spot on this Love at Sea cruise, but Sebastian’s face appears. I’m drawn in by the intensity of his gaze, distracted by the rigid tendons in his bare neck, and the way every muscle in his chest went hard under my gaze in the steam room today. My mind draws downwards to the hint of something dark between his legs.
My pulse throbs, aching below my ears. I press my hands to the sides of my neck, trying to shove the beating back below my skin, to make the twinging stop. It doesn’t work. I drag my hands down my chest and cover my aching breasts like these too, I can somehow control by flattening down the inflamed nubs at their centers. But nothing helps.
There’s a gasp and a moan from the other room. I shouldn’t be in here. I drape one of Anna’s silky robes over my PJs, take my crutch, and head to the one place that might feel like me: the catamaran net, which hangs off the back of the boat on the top deck. They say that laying there, staring down at the ocean seventeen decks below, is an adrenaline rush. And that’s a feeling I can understand.
When I get off at the pool level, the lights glare above me. Music blasts, and people are dancing and drinking as if it was still early, instead of the wee hours long past midnight. I hobble across the deck, keeping to the shadows till I find the elevators that go up the last leg of my endless journey.
The running track on deck seventeen is dimly lit, but the netted area behind it is dark. Perhaps it’s so people in the net- like the couple on the far left edge- can see the stars. I set my phone and my crutch off to the side and crawl out into the suspended netting.
As soon as the deck is behind me, and the net sways beneath my hands and knees, I feel the high. Churning far below is the wake of the ship, and beneath that, the ship’s twenty-foot propellers power through the water, slicing anything that comes their way. The wind whips around me, and for the first time since climbing on board this metal cage, I feel I’m on the ocean. I start to soar. I crawl out further, as close to the rear as I can get.
“Anna?” I recognize Sebastian’s voice before I remember I’m going by my sister’s name. “Anna?” he calls a little louder.
“Hey!” I roll onto my back, the movement of the ship disorienting at this angle. Sebastian is already crawling towards me across the net, prowling along on his hands and knees in a way that makes me want him to prowl right on top of me. But I’m not falling for any seductions. I’m not.
