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“Get him to quiet down so damn fast?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Get a bottle for him.”
I rushed into the kitchen to get what she’d asked for and then came back to her a few minutes later. The moment she put the bottle to Devon’s mouth, he started sucking, and I stood there shell-shocked.
“I’m serious, how did you do that? I’ve tried to feed him four different times, and not once would he take the bottle.”
She removed the bottle from Devon’s lips, and he started to cry immediately. “Here, you take Devon, and let’s see if we can change that.”
“But he’s crying again.” I wanted to run away, and that was totally unlike me.
She rolled her eyes at me. “Just take Devon.”
I took him again and then went to sit down. She gave me back the bottle, and Devon fussed, not wanting to take it from me. “See, he doesn’t like me!”
“Oh, come on,” She pulled him from my arms again and curled him against her chest, putting the bottle back to his lips.
“You sure you don’t want to take him home with you? He likes you much better than me.”
“He knows me, Trevor; he doesn’t know you. You’re tense when you hold him; you need to relax a little bit.”
“Relax? How the hell am I supposed to relax? This is the most stressful situation that I have ever been in.”
“Yes, and he can tell that. You’ll get used to it.”
I closed my eyes, not sure I wanted to get used to it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to have anything to do with any of this. I sure as hell hadn’t signed up for being a father. What the hell had Carol been thinking?
“Why didn’t she tell me about this? Don’t you think I had the right to know?”
“I thought you did, but it wasn’t my decision.”
“How did you find me?”
She sighed long and loud. “She had a notebook with information in it. Your phone numbers and where you worked were listed. I was trying to get in touch with you for a week.”
“Sorry, I didn’t know who the number was that kept calling me, and I was overseas. When you didn’t leave a message, I figured it was a bullshit telemarketer or something.”
“Yeah, I guess I don’t answer my phone to numbers I don’t know either very often.”
“Did Carol ever explain to you why she didn’t want to tell me?”
Sadness filtered down over her features. “Not really. She told me that if this were the only time she would have with her baby, then she didn’t want to share it. She had told me that if she survived, she would have come to see you after he was born.”
I shook my head. “How could she decide to carry a child that she knew might kill her?”
“I don’t know,” Davina said quietly.
I leaned back on the couch, suddenly completely exhausted, and watched her feeding my son.My son. That rocked me to the core. If you had asked me if I wanted kids, I would have said maybe, but I might have been just as happy without ever having one. With the unexpected arrival of Devon, I didn’t know what to think anymore.
Davina was staring down at Devon’s face, brushing a finger over his cheek, and for the first time I looked at her, I mean, really looked at her. Her dark hair was in a messy clip at the top of her head, and her face was round, her lips full. Her skin was devoid of any makeup and yet looked flawless.
She lifted her gaze to mine, and I stared into her whiskey-colored eyes. “Why are you staring at me?”
“I’m not.”
She laughed uncomfortably and adjusted Devon slightly. “Yes, you are.”
“Okay, so maybe I was just looking at you.”
