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Istood under the shower spray for a few moments thinking about Davina’s whiskey-colored eyes. She had totally been checking me out, and when she hadn’t known I was watching her, I had done the same.
Her features were soft, not striking, but still pleasant. Her eyes were large and round, and her skin had a darker tone to it, not quite olive, but a browner tone than most. She gnawed on her bottom lip while she concentrated, and her nose was rounded at the end. She was pretty, not the model kind of pretty, but in a more wholesome way. A down-to-earth way, and I liked that probably more than I should have.
Her oversized sweater, baggy jeans, and messy hair shouldn’t have intrigued me either, but they did. I wasn’t sure why, and maybe that is what bothered me more than anything else.
As I climbed in bed, I stared at the ceiling for a moment. I was a father. I had no clue what to do with the child, or what would happen to my life now. I was well aware that life could change in a second on any given day. I hadn’t expected that yesterday was going to be the day that everything I knew would be turned upside down.
How was I going to keep doing my job and raise a kid? Would I be able to find adequate childcare for him? What about someone to watch him while I went away on assignment? My parents were too old to ask for help. Hell, they had both been in their forties when I was born, a surprise to them both. Now they were in their eighties and living in a retirement community down south. There was no way they could help me.
With no siblings, I had no one to turn to. Alex was busy with his own life and his future baby, so I couldn’t ask him for help. I had a few other friends, but none that I felt I could go to for assistance of this type. What was I going to do? Hire a nanny? What about Davina? Would she be willing to assist me? She had come over tonight to help, but would she want to continue?
I rolled to my side and closed my eyes, needing to take advantage of the quiet for a little while to get some rest. When I next opened my eyes, I was in the same position, and I glanced at my watch to see I’d been asleep almost six hours. I couldn’t remember the last time I had gotten that much sleep straight. Probably a month or so. When I was working overseas, we slept in four-hour blocks so that we could relieve the other people on watch. I was used to that, but after everything that had happened, my body had needed a couple more hours of recovery.
I found Davina right where I’d last seen her, busy at her laptop, and I took a moment to check on Devon. My concerns from last night rolled through me, and I again wondered what I was going to do. Would it be smarter to call the adoption agency and turn him over to them? They could place him with parents thatwantedto take care of a child, who were able to take care of a child.
I just didn’t know what I should do about him, so instead of deciding, I went into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee that Davina had made.
I took the coffee back into the living room and took a seat on the other end of the sofa. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being here, for watching him, for letting me sleep.”
She gave me a lopsided grin. “You’re welcome.” She closed her laptop and set it to the side, stretching like a cat with her arms held high over her head. As she arched her back, her breasts became more pronounced under the large sweater, and I found myself wondering what she would look like naked and in my bed.
I looked away. Davina was helping me with Devon; the last thing I needed to do was scare her away by sleeping with her. Especially if I was going to ask her for help with him.
“I noticed that you didn’t read Carol’s note,” she said after a moment.
“How do you know I didn’t?”
She slipped off the couch and went toward the kitchen. “Because it’s sitting here on the counter still sealed.” She lifted the envelope and held it for me to see.
“Yeah, I guess I forgot about it.” I held my hand up for it, and she returned to the couch, handing it to me. “Do you know what it says?”
She shook her head. “No, I didn’t even know she wrote to you until she told me in the hospital.”
I set my coffee cup to the side and tore open the envelope, pulling the papers from within and unfolding them.
Dearest Trevor,
If you are reading this, then I didn’t make it. I honestly didn’t think that I would, and you might think it was selfish of me to have continued with a pregnancy when I knew it could kill me. I was being selfish. From the moment I met you at the coffee shop, until now, I’ve been very selfish.
The thing about it is that I had already known that something was wrong with me, and maybe that little whisper inside of me that you spoke of said to enjoy every moment to the fullest. That’s what I did with you. In that weekend that we shared, I loved a lifetime. No, neither of us was in love with the other, but we loved. We shared a wonderful intimacy. We laughed, we talked, and then we said goodbye, and I honestly never wanted anything more from you.
However, our time together gave me a gift that I had never dreamed of having. A gift that, sadly, I am returning to you. How I wish that I could live for many years to raise our beautiful son, but I know my time is nearing the end. I hope that you will forgive me for not reaching out to you, and for not telling you about the pregnancy. I know that you, like Davina, would have tried to talk me out of it. If this was the last thing I could do on this earth, bring a new life into this world, then I was going to do it.
I’m sure you are beside yourself with what to do now. I can only imagine how much of a turmoil this has put into your active life, but I ask you one thing. If you even cared about me a little, loved me a little, then you will raise our child. You will tell our son that we had something special and that I love him dearly, as I will forever love you for this sacrifice.
I know that you might not be able to fulfill my wish, but I hope that you seriously consider it. If you cannot, contact the adoption agency on the list that Davina gave you and speak with Marsha. She is aware of the situation and can help you find a good home for Devon. While it would sadden me, I would understand, and our son would bring joy to another couple.
I do have a life insurance policy, and I changed the beneficiary name on it to you. It’s not much, but it will help you to take care of our son. Davina knows the name of the attorney and can put you in touch with him.
Speaking of Davina, she knows a lot. Ask her to help. Ask her to be part of raising our child. I hope that you two can build a friendship that will last for years. I’d love nothing more than for the two of you to be there for our son as he grows. Maybe you two could even fall in love. I could see no better mother for Devon than my best friend. I would trust her with my life and with my son’s life.
Whatever you decide, I know that you will do what is best for our child. I apologize again for not telling you about him, but as I said, I was being selfish. On the next few pages you will find information about me and as much as I know about my family history. The kind of things that might be helpful in the future.
Thank you, Trevor. Thank you for giving me happiness and love in my final days. For giving me an incredible experience before my journey was over. I’ll be watching over you two, the storm in the sky, and know that I will always love you for what you gave me. Kiss my baby and tell him about me. Tell him how much he was loved, how sad I am to leave him, and how I will always be there in his heart.
