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I sat in the seat, staring out the windshield. I had known this little person barely more than a day, and I was already committing to change my entire life for him. How was that possible?
Suddenly, I felt anxiety rip through me. What if I did things wrong? What if something happened to me? What if I wasn’t a good father or the kid hated me?
The anxiety crippled me as I sat there, strangling the steering wheel, and I was preparing to put the car back in drive and zoom away. I could go back to my place, call the adoption agency, have them get him. I could terminate my rights, and he’d have a good life. Or would he? Would someone else be able to make him happy? Give him what he needed?
A knock on the side window grabbed my attention, and my face whipped that way. Alex stood there and then pointed at the door. I hit the unlock, and he opened the door and climbed in.
My heart was racing in my chest faster than I’d ever had it beat. Not even in a firefight had my heart pumped at the speed it was now.
“You look like you’re ready to run for the hills.”
“That obvious?” I said through parched lips.
He nodded. “Yeah. Where’s your head?”
“All over the place, Alex. Damn, it’s like it just hit me again. I’m a father, and right now, I’m trying to figure out if that’s what I want.”
“I guess it doesn’t matter if you want it or not. You’re a father.” He paused. “I think a better question is, are you ready to be that father? Are you ready to put someone else before you?”
“How do you know if you’re ready?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess a part of you just knows.”
“Did you? When you found out you were having a child, were you ready?”
“Yeah, I guess. Not at first. I was scared, just like you. I think that makes you a better parent. You constantly worry if what you’re doing is right or if you are going to screw the kid up forever. I was lucky; Veronica was a great mother, and well, Patrick is a decent enough man. I know he loves Nica and wants what’s best for her.”
“What about this baby? Are you ready for that?”
He grinned. “Yeah, I’m more than ready. I’m in a better place in my life. I’m ready to share every moment of this baby’s life. The ups and downs, the sleepless nights, the tons of diapers, and everything else that goes with that.”
I felt the tension in my gut begin to lessen. “I’m happy for you, Alex. I know I’ve said that before, but I really am.”
He slapped my shoulder. “I appreciate that. Now, are you ready to see your son? He’s been asking for you all afternoon.”
I laughed. “He has not.”
“Oh, yeah, he said it most definitely; I want my dada.”
I chuckled. “No, he didn’t. Even I know it’s too soon for the kid to say words.”
He snickered. “You’re right, he didn’t, but he will be happy to see you. Kids bond quickly. Enjoy the time, Trevor, because believe it or not, this is the easy part of raising a kid.”
“Easy? Is there an easy part?”
“Not really, but don’t tell Lexi I said that,” he joked and reached for the door handle but paused. “You good? You aren’t going to take up and hide someplace?”
“No, I’m good, and thanks.”
“Anytime.” The two of us headed into the house, and as I stepped inside, I heard a squeal and then a laugh. I followed the sounds and found Nica leaning over Devon on the floor. He was waving his arms around wildly.
Nica looked up. “I just told him daddy was here, and he let out this big squeal.”
Alex slapped my back. “See, I told you he missed you.”
I laughed softly. “How was he? Everything okay?” I asked Lexi as she joined us, a plate of cake in her hands with several small pieces of different varieties.
“He was the perfect baby.” She shoved a plate toward me. “Now, which one of these do you like?”
