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“Dude, call your nanny, it’s Devon.”
“What’s wrong?”
“He’s okay now, but call her.”
I stepped away, bringing up Tonya’s number, and hit call. It took forever to connect back in the US, and then finally she answered. “Mr. Vaughn, thank god!”
“Tonya, is Devon okay?”
“He is now; he’s going to be okay, but he had to have surgery.”
“What?” The world spun around me, and I threw out an arm to grab on to the first thing I could. Luckily, it was Alex.
“His bowel was twisted, and they had to do surgery on him,” she said quickly. “But he’s okay now; in fact, he’s even home from the hospital already.”
“He was in the hospital?” I croaked out the words.
“Yes, but he’s going to be alright.”
Dear God, here I was over here trying to rescue some guys while my son was lying in a hospital, and I’d had no idea. What kind of father was I?
“Okay, I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
I didn’t hear her last words as I was already hanging up, and I spun on Alex. “I have to get home.”
“I’m already working on it. Come on, showers and food can wait. Let’s drop our gear with Jake and get to the airport. He can bring all this shit back.”
When we told Jake what was going on, he didn’t even have a snide comment, just told us he’d see us on home ground and smacked my back. His way of saying, I hope things are okay.
Getting home was going to be a nightmare, and as we stood at the airport working with a ticket agent, we found out we’d have to take three different flights to get us home the quickest. Whatever the fuck worked. I didn’t care.
After we’d landed from our first flight, we had a two-hour layover, and Alex and I both found food. He called Lexi again, but something held me back from calling Tonya. It was like I was afraid I’d get more bad news, and I didn’t want to learn that shit sitting in an airport on the other side of the ocean.
Our flight was late taking off, and we had to hoof it at top speed to make our connection. Luckily, they opened the door for us just as they were closing. I knew how strict airlines were about doing that, and maybe it was panicked expressions on our faces that helped.
We got into our seats, and the plane took off a few minutes later. Alex drifted off to sleep, and I sat there staring at the pictures that I had taken of Devon on my phone. A twisted bowel? Had I done something to cause that? Did he have it when I was home? Had I left my son when he needed me most and I hadn’t known?
Maybe I wasn’t father material after all. Here I thought I had been doing good. I had been taking care of him, getting to know him, loving him, and making sure he had plenty of people around to watch over him. Yes, this had happened, and the fact that I hadn’t been there when he needed me was like a gunshot to the heart. My chest hurt so badly that I rubbed my sternum.
It was the longest fucking flight of my life, and we arrived in the middle of the night. Another hour in the taxi and I could grab my truck from the office and get home. Everything had to be right. He had to be alright.
I closed my eyes and prayed, something I hadn’t done in a long time. I asked for guidance on what to do. Should I keep him, or give him to people who might be better for him. I loved him enough that I could give him up. I could give him to someone else who might be able to give him the life he deserved.
I hated myself a little bit for asking, but as we drove through the darkened streets and the rain pelted the taxi roof, I wasn’t sure what else to do. I felt as if I had failed as a father. Devon deserved better; maybe Davina would want to take him. If she did, maybe I could still see him, be a part of his life.
Or I could get Davina to come back to me, and we could raise him together. In a perfect world, that would be the case, but as buckets rained from the sky, and the lightning flared over our heads, I doubted that would ever happen.
I was exhausted when we reached the office, and Alex told me to let him know how things were when I got home. He hugged me tightly, and I drew on his calmness as I got in my truck and started the drive home.
Home. A place where families lived, where memories were made, and love was shared. I wanted a home so damn bad. I had thought that I was going to have just that, but now I wasn’t so sure.
I pulled up to the house, parked in the driveway, and drew a long slow breath, afraid of what I would find inside the house. I let myself in with the key I had only used a couple of times and stood there in the dark, listening for a moment.
I didn’t even bother to go into the kitchen where the light was on. Instead, I took the stairs two at a time and made a beeline to his room. His door was cracked about two inches, and I pushed it open a bit farther It caught on something on the floor, and I glanced down. In the middle of the floor, someone was sleeping.
Wow, Tonya was really taking her job seriously. I should be thankful for that. I stepped around her as carefully as I could and went to the edge of Devon’s new crib.
He looked so tiny lying in the big crib. His arms were out to the sides, his face turned toward me, and tears filled my eyes. I started to reach for him but stopped. I was filthy; I hadn’t showered in four days, and I was kind of surprised that they had even let Alex and me on the plane with how badly we smelled.
