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“Did Henley tell you that?”
“What difference is it who told me? You should have, Riley! If it’s even mine.” I didn’t mean to say that last part, but it came out regardless.
“Get out!”
So she could deny it more? Ha! No. “Not until you tell me the truth, Riley. Are you pregnant?”
She glared at me with that fiesty expression on her face that I had loved for so long. “I am.”
My voice lowered slightly. “Is it mine?” Suddenly, I needed her to confirm that it was. I had to know if this was true.
Her flippant comment hit the wrong button, and I wanted to lose my mind. I couldn’t deal with one more thing this week. Between flying back and forth from Georgia to PA, losing my mom, trying to stay in contact with my siblings and father, and now this. Fuck! I was ready to lose my shit completely!
“Oh, no, Riley. You are going to tell me the damn truth.” I swallowed. “Unless you don’t know if it’s mine or not.”
“It’s your child, Ethan.” I sighed internally. Riley was carrying my child. She was having my baby. How many times had I thought about that in the past and wished that it would happen?
Even though I knew she wouldn’t lie to me about this, I had to ask. “How do I know it’s mine?”
“Because I hadn’t slept with anyone for about two months before we slept together, and I haven’t been with anyone since.”
“You expect me to believe that?” She was dating that Newman guy. There was no way she hadn’t slept with him.
“You can believe whatever the hell you want!” she yelled back at me, but in her eyes, I saw it was the truth, and my anger began to subside.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Ry?”
I listened to her speak and berated myself for being so frustrated both of those times. If I had just been calmer with her, I would have learned this sooner. How far along was she? I tried to count back, but my mind was a mess.
“Look, I don’t want anything from you, Ethan. You don’t even have to be part of this child’s life if you don’t want to.”
She did not just say that! Did she seriously think I was going to allow her to raise our child with another man? That I wasn’t going to be involved with my own child? Oh, hell, no! The words tumbled out of my mouth, and I barely knew what I was saying.
All I knew was that I needed to get out of the house and put some distance between us. I had a lot of thinking to do, but tonight was not the time to do it.
When I got home, I collapsed on the sofa with a beer in my hand and rested it against my swollen cheekbone. Until now, I hadn’t paid much attention to it, but damn, Hen had clocked me one good. I deserved it.
As I thought back on tonight, along with the two times she had come to tell me, I realized how right she was. I hadn’t given her a chance to talk. I sure hadn’t made her feel comfortable enough to share that news with me, and tonight? Holy shit, I had acted like more of a Neanderthal than I ever had. Man, I needed to do some serious apologizing and figure out how to deal with this calmly.
Riley did not deserve my anger. She hadn’t done this alone. It took two, which meant that it would continue to take two.
Saturday morning, I collected my suit and drove over to my father's. Candy and Carmen were there already, and I hugged them tightly before hanging my suit near the stairs.
I glanced around the living room, taking in the half dozen flower bouquets and two dozen cards on the mantel. I stood in front of them, letting my eyes drift over the words on the front of the cards. What did those words mean? What did I’m sorry mean? This last week, two dozen people had said I’m sorry for your loss, but what the fuck did that really mean? Only a few people had said it differently, and it was those people that I appreciate more than I could have asked for.
Those few had said that they had lost their mother or father, and they knew how hard it was. They had been devastated, and even a year or five later, it still hit them some days that they were gone. One guy said that every once in awhile, it was like someone punched him in the solar plexus, and he couldn’t breathe for a moment. I understood that. I could relate to that. None of those people said they were sorry. They did say that with time, the pain would be less.
I stepped away from the cards and went back to the kitchen to help with breakfast. At eleven, we were all dressed and somber as the town car arrived. My father stared at it, shook his head, and then slowly approached it.
I could not imagine what was going through his mind. Coral and Cara sat on either side of him, and I sat beside Carmen, holding her hand.
At the funeral home, we were given time to view Mom alone before others joined us. My sisters walked my father forward, and I stumbled over my feet when I first saw her. This was the first I had seen her since she died—the first I had seen her since I left in June.
Coming up on her in the coffin was overwhelming, and I sobbed softly as I stared down at my sweet mother. Her silver hair was brushed neatly, her favorite dress on her.
We all cried and held each other, and then it was time for us to line up and accept condolences. Many times I had walked the line as someone paying respect to a grieving family member. I had never thought much about the people receiving them. Now everything was so much different.
The first ones through were the Youngs. The entire family came together, and with them, more tears were shed by us. I had yet to make eye contact with Riley, but she was coming my way. When she stopped in front of me, I took in her face, her bright but sad eyes, and I opened my arms to her. Riley fell into them, and the two of us stood like that for much longer than anyone else.
Her hand came to the back of my neck. “I’m so sorry, Ethan. I’m so sorry.” She cried softly, and I wasn’t sure if this was just about my mother or about everything else. Riley pulled back and cupped my cheek, wiping away a few tears that had run down, then she stepped forward and placed a single kiss on my cheek.
I wanted to pull her back into my arms and tuck her into my side. I wanted her to stay right there with me because at that moment, I needed her strength. I needed her to be here for me. I just needed her.
Instead, I shared a sad smile with her as she stepped on to my brother, and I accepted a hug from Patricia.
