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I can’t. “This is over, Brooks. We can’t keep hiding and lying to everyone we love just because the sex is good. We knew this day would come. It’s time we go our separate ways, so we can move on. Ramsey is marrying my brother. She’s my best friend. You’re friends with my brother. There are going to be a lot of days like today where we run into each other. I hope that we can both be adults and be cordial.”
“Cordial?” His eyes are blue flames of fury. “What if I said I’m not done?”
Oh, God. Please let me make it through this conversation without losing control of my emotions. I shrug. “We said when one of us was ready, that would be it. I’m ready.” Lies. The biggest lie I’ve ever told. I’ll never be ready, which is why I have to do this. I have to have control. I can’t keep wondering when the day is going to come. I need to be able to start putting one foot in front of the other and moving on with my life.
Without him.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want to be with me.” He’s vibrating with what I can only assume is anger. I didn’t expect it, but maybe I should have. I’ve blindsided him. But we both knew this was going to happen. This was what we agreed to.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and prepare myself to say the words that I don’t mean. My final lie to him and to myself. Slowly, I open my eyes and find him watching me. He’s so handsome, and we’ve made so many wonderful memories together. This is going to hurt me, kill me, but I have to say the words.
“I don’t want to be with you.” Seven words shatter my heart to pieces.
“Hey,” Ramsey says, walking into the room. “Everything okay in here?” she asks.
Brooks stares at me, his brow furrowed, and when he finally speaks, it’s the final blow that has my heart splintering. “Just fucking fine, little cousin. Everything is just fine.” He turns on his heel and rushes out the front door.
“Palmer?” Ramsey asks.
“I-I need to go, Rams. I need to get out of here. I don’t want to see anyone. Do I need an excuse or your car or something? Please.” My voice cracks as the pain begin to settle in my chest like cement.
“Are you going after him?”
“No.”
“Then I’m coming with you. I’ll make up an excuse. Go to my car. I’ll meet you there.” She hugs me tight. “You finally going to tell me what’s been going on?”
I nod. I don’t want to tell her, but I need to talk about this. I need to tell someone. “Best friend secrecy,” I say.
“You have my word. Go. I’ll be right there.”
Not needing to be told twice, I rush to her car and slide into the passenger seat, sinking low so no one can see me. I turn to look out the window, and I see Brooks’s truck is still here. I don’t know where he went, but I’m sure his brothers will make sure he’s okay. I’m pretty certain everyone here can guess that there is something between us. They might not know we’ve been sleeping together for months, but they definitely know that there is something.
Therewassomething.
* * *
“Talk to me,” Ramsey says.
We’re sitting on the couch in my apartment. “What did you tell them? Why did we have to leave?”
“Oh, I said that the boutique called about my measurements and that they needed me to come back to verify.”
I nod. “I’m sorry you had to lie for me.”
She waves me off. “One little white lie never hurt anyone. Now, start talking.”
“I fell in love with him.”
“With Brooks?” she clarifies.
I nod.
“How did this happen? Start from the beginning.”
So I do. I tell her how we got started, the rules of our arrangement, and how I changed them when I fell in love with him. “I had to end it, Rams. I had to.” I swipe at the tears that are rolling down my cheeks, but it does no good because more keep falling. “I couldn’t keep wondering when he was going to decide he was done and let my heart fall even more in love with him. I couldn’t take the waiting, so I ended it.”
I take a deep breath. “He’s pissed because he wasn’t ready or whatever, but I didn’t have a choice. My heart.” I place my hand on my chest. “My heart hurts, Ramsey. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’ll never love anyone the way that I love Brooks, and that’s on me. I crushed on him growing up, and I told myself that I could do this. I thought that I could get close to him and not let my heart get involved, and I failed miserably. He did nothing wrong.”
