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"You don't need to."
"I want to. It's my pleasure."
"I'm just happy that you wouldn't mind going out… maybe taking me on a date or something when you get back to Chicago."
"Yeah, I want to take you on a date," he said. "I would love that. I hope I can make it that long. I feel like I want to cut my trip short and go back to Arkansas now. You're not going to be there anymore when I get back to the states, and we both have our own lives in Chicago. I want to see you before you go back. I’m happy about the words you wrote."
I felt so relieved I could hardly contain myself. "I want to see you too, Beau. But I don't want you to cut your trip short. It's once in a lifetime. Have you done the camping part yet?"
"No. We're leaving in a few days."
"The camping was the main thing you were looking forward to."
"Are you trying to talk me out of a romantic gesture?"
"No, I definitely am not. I am actually… you have no idea how happy I am to hear from you right now. My heart is so full to hear from you." I hesitated but then continued. "Selfishly, I would love for you to come back here as soon as you can, but camping was the main thing you were looking forward to. I would feel bad if you left your trip to come back early. I can honestly say that you have nothing to worry about on my end. I will easily wait for you. Now that I know you want to see me when you get back, I can happily wait however long it takes. And I will wait. I want you to know that. If you want me, I just wanted to tell you that I would be loyal to you. I'm capable of that, and I promise it. You're the one in my thoughts and in my heart."
It had taken a minute for me to get all of those words out, and a few seconds of silence passed once I stopped talking. I heard Beau take a deep breath.
What was wrong with me that I loved the sound of him breathing?
"I am hap-py right now," he said slowly. His voice was choppy, and I smiled at the sound of how dazed he was.
"I'm happy, too, Beau."
I wanted to tell him that it was my desire to live a good, honest life and that I would always be true to him. I wanted to tell him that I was seeking God. But I had weeks to figure out my feelings, and Beau was just hit with all of this today. So, I kept it light.
"I'm happy, but I'm also embarrassed that Hope called you," I said.
"She really likes you."
"I really like her. But I can't believe you left that note in your bag—or that she knew it was you. I thought I didn't mention who it was."
"I don't know what to make of it either. I don't normally leave things in my suitcase, but I kept those jeans in there for the next time I go to Arkansas since they were clean and I didn't think I'd wear them anywhere else."
"That's unbelievable. I'm so happy to talk to you. Tell me one fun thing you've done in Japan."
He took a second to consider that. "The food is amazing. We saw Sumo wrestling. Tokyo is a gigantic city, so it's packed and there's so much to do. Everyone seems polite and formal—dressed nicely and aware of their surroundings. We've seen gardens, parks, light shows, and baseball games. Kai's dad lives here, and he has stuff planned for us most days. How's your work going? How's Ralphie?"
I didn't go into my mindset these last few weeks. I had gotten a lot done with my work and that's all he needed to know. I wasn't going to tell him that I was in a shame spiral waiting for him to respond to my note and assuming he wasn't going to. I wasn't going to elaborate on how heartbroken I had been and how I had to make myself push through feelings of rejection to be productive.
"It's good. I've gotten a lot of stuff done with my inventory and the website. And Ralphie's fine. He's great. He loves it out here, and your family spoils him."
"Hey, Holland, my brother is yelling for me out here. Hey, if I get busy with these guys, and you find yourself going to bed later tonight, can you please text me to tell me goodnight? I'm sorry we don't have more time to catch up right now."
I heard AJ in the background and also what sounded like other guys' voices.
"It's fine. And I will," I said. "It's a great birthday. I'm so happy that I'll get to see you again."
"I am really, really happy," he said sincerely. I could tell by the noises that his room was now full of people. "I'll talk to you before you go to bed, okay?"
"Yeah, I'll text you," I agreed.
I could tell from his tone that he hated to get off the phone with me and was reluctant about it, and this alone was enough for me.
"Go, have fun," I said. "I'll text you in a couple of hours when I go to bed."
"Okay, I'll talk to you soon. Happy birthday."
