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“Nothing. I just… I really enjoy these times we have together.”
I pressed my lips together. Uncharacteristically on the tip of my tongue was a scathing remark about how we could have more. How we could be real. We could do this and so much more. He just needed to put some effort in. But, at the same time, I didn’t want more. Not like that. Not now. Not yet.
The only reason I had to want it was that I knew it had to happen eventually. And so far, I couldn’t see a way where we got from here to happily spending our lives together. Not without some effort on both sides, and less fucking around on his. But then, the reality of us changing now was just as scary as knowing we had to eventually.
“Me too,” was all I could say.
He gave my hand a squeeze, then picked up his menu, completely oblivious to the push and pull that was constantly in my head and my heart.
“What are you having?” he asked.
I sighed as I looked the menu over. “I don’t know. It all comes down to how much space do I leave for dessert?”
“Lots.”
I lowered my menu slightly to peek at him over it. “Lots?”
He nodded, clearly very pleased with himself. “I paid an absolute fortune to make them serve rainbow ice cream tonight.”
The idea that the most sought after restaurant in thousands of miles was serving rainbow ice cream made a very undignified snort threaten.
“You didn’t?”
He nodded, with infectious glee lighting those sapphire eyes. “Oh, I did.”
I leant towards him like we were sharing a secret. “Your dad would kill you!” I laughed.
The humour in both of us died a little when we realised that my words were just a little more literal than I’d intended.
“But Mum would be proud,” he said and there was that glimpse of the sweet boy I knew.
Maybe he wasn’t quite so deep down as I thought he was. Maybe I wasn’t failing Frenella quite as badly as it sometimes felt.
Being a Callahan, Apollo didn’t so much as have permission for us to stay out all night as no one dared tell him we couldn’t. Even with all his entitlement, he wasn’t stupid enough to keep us out past eleven. It didn’t mean we weren’t stupid enough to drink more than was perhaps sensible. The good thing about our country was the legal age for drinking was sixteen so, legally, no one batted an eye.
No one except Valen, who was in charge of helping my giggly arse back into the car at the end of an incredibly pleasant evening. I’d had such a good time with Apollo, that my half-drunk brain wasn’t even that annoyed by Valen’s existence.
“Thank you,” I chirped to him, taking his hand as I climbed into the car.
I felt his hand tighten on mine and looked back at him. Something flashed over his face too quickly for me to catch, but I didn’t miss the feeling of my hand in his and what it did to my insides.
It wasn’t until my butt was safely on the seat and my legs fully in the car that Valen and I let go. Our eyes not leaving each other’s. I didn’t know what was going through his stormy grey head, but I just hoped that I wasn’t completely giving away what he did to me. If he knew what went through my head when I thought about him, then I was completely screwed. And not in the pleasant, satisfying kind of way.
“Miss Vanguard,” he said carefully before closing the door.
As we drove back to school, Apollo was glued to his phone. He’d had much more than me, but then his tolerance was also much better than mine. Still, I noticed the signs of the slightly drunk. He giggled once or twice, and he bit his lip like he had to concentrate on typing the right letters.
I’d have been a naive idiot to not know what he was doing. And while that was the persona I chose to show the world, I liked to think I was anything but.
So, I wasn’t surprised when we pulled into the garage and Apollo slapped Valen companionably on the shoulder with a, “Take her back for me, yeah?”
There wasn’t even a look spared for me as he almost stumbled out of the car and disappeared towards the boys’ dormitory. All I got was a, “Night, Harlow!” like he’d left me in front of the couch watching a movie when he couldn’t stay awake any longer.
I felt heat prick my eyes and a lump threatened in my throat. I wasn’t surprised that Apollo was off to lose himself in some Magdalen, but I was somehow also upset that he’d so carelessly do so after we’d had such a good night. It wasn’t like I wanted him to dragmeup to his room for a night of unrestrained pleasure, but it still hurt that he chose to get his dick wet over me again.
I took a deep breath and jumped when the door next to me opened.
“Let’s go, then, princess,” Valen said, his voice low.
