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We were halfway down the stairs when he caught my arm. “What is going on?” he asked me, his tone pleading with me to talk to him.
Well, that’s exactly what I wanted to do, so I was going to.
I huffed. “Why?” I asked him. “Why won’t you let me...reciprocate?”
“Reciprocate?” He blinked in confusion. “What?”
“Sex, Apollo! Why won’t you have sex with me? Do you...? Do you think I won’t be any good?”
“Not any...?” he breathed. He leant against me and nuzzled my nose with his. “Jesus, Harlow. No. Fucking... No. I...”
“What?”
He breathed out as he ran his hands over my sides. “I know our relationship is changing. It’s not like we used to kiss or touch, I did notice. You weren’t–Weweren’t like that. I want to give to you, Harlow, because you turn me on, and I think – hope – the feeling’s mutual.”
“It is,” I assured him.
He nodded, more to himself than me. “But I feel like if I take, then...”
“Then what?” I asked, taking his cheek in my hand.
“I’ve spent my whole life taking. I take what I’ve been taught others owe me. I’ve taken from you even when... Even when my instincts told me not to. Dad said it was the thing to do, so I did it. I have taken from girl after girl after girl. So, if I let you touch me now – if I take from you now – then it’s just the same as always. We’re just the same as always.” He looked me dead in the eye. “Then we’re not different anymore.”
“We’ll always be different, Apollo.”
“Will we?” he asked.
I nodded. “We will,” I promised. “You’re my best friend, Apollo. Buried under all that conceit and entitlement, you’re still my best friend. We can’t not be different.”
He looked into my eyes like he really saw me. Not just the me who was showing a bit more skin lately that got his dick hard, but me. Inside. The real me that was still connected to the real him. Both had been buried and hidden and protected behind facades for what felt like so long, but we could still find them in each other.
Like we were still twelve and our worlds’ hadn’t changed, the moment seemed charged with all the potential we could have had. Those two naïve children with their whole lives ahead of them, full of wonder and excitement and promise. Except now we were in our final year of school, and we had someone else’s life ahead of us. But together, living someone else’s life could be bearable.
As long as we stuck together, we could get through it.
“Do you…do you really want to have sex with me?” he asked, a smile playing at his lips.
A smile tugged at mine as well. “Of course, I do. I want to be close to you. I want to give you as much pleasure as you give me. Did you really think I didn’t want to?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I guess I… I don’t know. I want to say I didn’t want to assume–”
“But you had no problem sticking your face or your hand between my legs?” I teased.
His smirk lit up his sapphire eyes and all he was took my breath away. He was stunning. He was beautiful. He had the power to make you fall in love with him entirely, to give everything you were to him. He flaunted this power with everyone around him. Everyone but me. Well, that ended now.
He cupped my breast as he pressed me against the wall of the stairs. “I was scared,” he admitted.
“I’m not asking for promises, Apollo. I’m asking for…equality?” That didn’t feel like the right word. “Give and take. I’m asking we give this a chance. I’m asking you give me a chance.”
“What chance?” he asked as his nose ran down my cheek and over my neck.
I breathed in deeply as my body responded to his touch. “The same chance you give all your Magdalens.”
“None of them compare to you.”
I fisted his hair and pulled him up to look me in the eye. “No, they don’t,” I agreed pointedly.
His smirk was more rueful, and he stepped closer, pushing me a little roughly against the wall again, his body hard – in all senses of the word – against mine. It excited me.
