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A man is gazing at me,leeringat me, all naked before him, and… I am truly all right.
Louis shifts to let more light reach me, muttering, “God, you’re beautiful!”
Where’s the lump in my throat? Where’s the stir of humiliation and the bite of shame? I detect none of it.
“You can light the second candle,” I say.
He sets it closer than the first one.
I find myself not minding it one bit.
Returning to his former spot, he licks his lips and stares at me some more. “I’ve already memorized your body by touch, but seeing you like this…” He advances on me. “Those breasts… Those hips…”
I reach for him, burning for his touch.
“With a body like this,” he says, “it’s nuts that you should be self-conscious. What exactly were you so worried about?”
Dropping my hand, I pull myself up against the pillow. “I was eleven. Jeannette was fourteen.”
Am I really going to tell him?I guess I am.
“We were in a foster home with a bunch of siblings including two teenage boys.” I suck in a breath. “They made me strip for them.”
“I’m so sorry!” Louis settles next to me. “My comment was inane.”
“That’s all right. You couldn’t have known.”
“Was it a one-off?” he asks.
“No.”
His mouth twists. “Those things never are, are they?”
“It started as a game with the younger brother who was twelve. He’d remove his clothes and ask me to do the same, and we’d look. But then the older brother caught us and demanded to join in. But he didn’t strip.”
Louis takes my hand.
“And then the younger brother quit stripping, too,” I carry on. “But I was still required to do it.”
“Did they threaten you?”
I shake my head. “They asked and I obeyed. Obeying was my norm. I was a good little girl. Jeannette and I grew up knowing that when you obey, you’re rewarded for it.”
“Did Jeannette know about your ‘game’?”
“No.”
“How long did it go on?” he asks.
“A year, whenever an opportunity presented itself. The brothers grew bolder. Sometimes, they invited a friend or two for the show.”
He squeezes my hand. “Did they… touch you?”
“No. I guess the oldest knew to not push things too far.”
“How did it stop?”
“Jeannette found me weeping unconsolably one day, after a particularly unpleasant session. So, I told her.” I glance at him. “She told our foster parents.”
