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Blaze was agitated, his body humming with leashed aggression, his face hard, his eyes flashing. But she wasn’t scared of him. She knew he was mad, raging…but at himself. At his dead father. At the fucked up situation.
“What the hell do you want me to say, Anna?” he demanded, thrusting his hands into his hair. His jaw working, he grunted. “Do you want me to tell you that I was a goddamn coward to leave you alone and vulnerable? When I enlisted, I thought he’d drop it, that his interest in you was only because of my interest in you. I honestly believed that once the thrill of torturing me with you was gone, he’d move on to something else. Someone else. But he didn’t. When I saw those pictures, Anna, I realized that those four agonizing years separated from you had been for nothing. You were still in danger. You were still in his sights and he could have hurt you—killed you!—and I was too far away to protect you. If something had happened to you—” A choked sob broke from his chest. He reeled back, swallowing another sob. “If anything had happened to you, I would have stepped in front of an enemy bullet.”
A cry shook loose from her throat. “No! Blaze, nothing happened to me. I was fine. Sure, my privacy was a joke, but I never even had a hint that he was watching me. I was fine. I am fine.”
As fine as I can be with my life in shambles and my heart in tatters.
But hers wasn’t the only life affected. Her heart hadn’t been the only one touched and violated by Blaze’s dad’s actions.
“It didn’t matter. When I saw those pictures, I knew that I could never be with you as I so desperately wanted to. That no matter what I thought or felt, I would never deserve you.” Once again, Anna found herself in Blaze’s embrace, his face buried in her neck, his hot breath fluttering against her heated flesh.
“Those women were nothing to me. They got my dick wet but they never got close to me. No emotion. No real enjoyment. Just empty, thoughtless sex. I was with them…but I only ever really wanted to be with you. Only ever with you. But I couldn’t. Because of me, you could have died. I was responsible for bringing that monster into your life, Anna.”
“Shhh,” she cajoled, her soul separating from her body to wrap around Blaze. She held him as he held her. “Blaze, God…you cannot blame yourself for what he did. He was crazy. He obviously had issues and needed to be put down, but that doesn’t have anything to do with you. When he threatened me, you were still a kid. You had spent your life dealing with that man and his hate. Honestly, I’m glad you got away. I’m glad you escaped—because that’s what it was. You enlisted and you escaped. You got away from the nightmare you were living. You didn’t run. Sure, your idea of leaving to protect me was skewed, but nothing happened to me. I never knew a moment of danger. All I knew was that the man I loved was serving his country…and missed him so fucking bad. So, yeah, when you got back and started hitting the bar scene hard, it killed me, but….” She stopped, wondering when the hell everything had flipped in her mind. She’d gone from feeling the victim of betrayal to the champion of the broken.
Blaze pulled away to stare down at her, guilt still emblazoned in his expression.
“I swear…I never meant to hurt you, Anna. And when I finally decided ‘what the hell, I’m going to go for it, I’m going to finally have my Anna’, I freaked out. It was too good. It felt too right…and I panicked. I don’t deserve happiness with you after all I’ve done to hurt you, baby.”
Her body suddenly exhausted, she slumped against him. All fight extinguished.
Blaze lifted her into his arms and walked to the couch, sitting down and laying her across his lap until she straddled him.
“I want a second chance—”
She opened her mouth to speak, but he shut her down with a kiss, taking her mouth like a man starved. Like a dying man begging for one last chance at life. His tongue flicked along her bottom lip, pleading for entrance, and she gave it to him. She opened her mouth and he deepened the kiss. His hands in her hair fisting until it hurt. But she reveled in it. She was alive. She was with Blaze. And he was kissing the hell out of her.
He pulled away, dropping his forehead to her chest as they panted raggedly.
“I need a second chance, Anna. I fucked up. I know I did. But I know I can make you happy. I know I can be the man you need me to be. I might not get it all right; I’ll fuck up again, but at least we’ll be together. At least we’ll finally have what was meant to be ours since that first moment I saw you. Love at first sight? Fuck that. Worship. Adoration. You became my everything with one glance, baby. And now I need you to forgive me and let me have one more shot at being your man forever.”
It had been close to thirty minutes since he’d last spoken, since he’d begged Anna for a second chance. She’d remained silent, withdrawing. He’d dropped his arms and let her get up, walking across the room to put more distance between them.
Fuck! The last thing they needed was distance. But she needed time. He’d just unloaded years’ worth of heavy shit on her, and she needed time to process it all. To get to the point where she realized he was an asshole, but he was her asshole. That he made mistakes but he was repentant. That she would forgive him and put him out of his misery.
God, he needed her to say something!
He got up and began pacing. Anna was sitting at the kitchen island, her stool turned sideways so she could stare out the kitchen windows at the busy grocery store parking lot across the street.
What was she thinking about? Was she thinking of ways to tell him to fuck off, that she’d never forgive him and he could just dig out his own heart and eat it? Or was she picturing them together, years from now, looking back at this moment with sadness but relief?
“I’m scared.” Her voice was so soft he almost hadn’t heard her. He stopped pacing and turned to her, shock rippling through his body.
“Scared?” he repeated warily. “What are you scared of, baby?” He moved toward her slowly, silently begging for her to turn toward him, to look at him, and open her heart just a little more. Because he’d already laid himself bare to her. For the first time, he was naked—emotionally—and the vulnerability was…terrifying.
Shit.
“Are you scared of what this might mean?” he asked, his heart in his throat. God, he’d die if she was scared of him. He never wanted his Anna to be scared of him.
She shook her head, her loose chestnut hair swinging around her face, strands of it catching in the side of her mouth. He itched to slide his finger over her cheek, dislodging the hair and caressing her. He needed to touch her, even just the littlest of touches, to know she was real. She was there—safe and within his keeping. Where he would cherish her as the treasure she was.
Finally, she turned to him, her eyes wet with unshed tears.
His heart stuttered and he groaned, his arms thoughtlessly lifting to grab her, pull her into his embrace, and hold her to him.
But he waited.
“Look at me, Blaze,” she demanded, standing and raising her arms out to her sides.
