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He moved down to my back, and there, he used his rounded knuckles, which were also extremely effective. Soon I was as limp as a rag doll and floating on cloud nine. I suspected it wasn’t just the salve but also the pheromones and hormones transferring from his hands to me.
And there lay one of the problems plaguing me. If his pheromones dictated how I felt, how did I know that this budding love for him was real? What if it was fake, brought on by a bunch of chemicals?
I knew it affected him as well. He’d dropped to his knees at the first touch of me that first day. What if that, too, was a trick of chemicals—a trick so convincing that he’d fallen for it hook, line, and sinker? I worried that one day he would come to his senses and realize there was nothing special about me at all.
What if I decided to stay here with him, and the pheromones stopped working, and we both woke up from this wonderful dream and realized we’d been tricked by our biology?
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “You are tense again.”
I decided to be honest. “Something’s been bothering me. This whole pheromone thing. How do we know what we feel for each other is real and not just the result of some chemicals trying to get you to make little Kadrixan babies?”
“Do you want babies?”
I paused, shocked at his question. Was that even an option between us? We were different species. “I had no idea we could. Wait. Does that mean—” I tried to push myself up, but Krxare was still straddling me.
“All warriors in the Kadri army have their fertility turned off until they earn the right to reproduce. The rut makes it a necessity.”
“Oh,” I said, relieved.
Or was I? I imagined a little boy who looked like Krxare; any kid of his must be adorable but most likely a lot of trouble. I forced my head out of that line of thinking to focus back on my first question.
“I didn’t mean that, though. I’m talking about what I feel for you now, the connection, the closeness. How do I know it’s real and not just the pheromones faking it?”
“You can never tell completely, especially during a rut, but the pheromones only work if there is something there to work with. It can’t turn a female who hates me into one who loves me. It helps carve the path for a bond but cannot force one that isn’t there.” His hands started moving again, staying on my shoulders, where I kept all my stress.
So what I felt for Krxare was only enhanced by the pheromones, not created by them, and the same was true about how he felt about me. That was good.
I thought of my life back at the colony. The other women were right. There wasn’t much to go back to. I had Chris, but if he was doing well for himself and I was allowed to contact him anytime I wanted, then maybe staying here was the best choice after all.
Going back, I’d be a burden on my brother. I wouldn’t be able to find work, and while I didn’t eat that much, he’d have to take care of me.
I also didn’t have any friends left. Well, I’d never had close friends to begin with, and when I’d gotten fired, all my work buddies had stopped talking to me. Here, I had the start of some potentially lifelong friendships.
Yes. Staying here was the best choice. Once we were out of the rut, I’d give Chris a call and explain everything to him. He’d understand. He’d always been very open-minded.
I rolled over onto my back and reached my arms out to Krxare, who came down over my body immediately for a kiss.
It felt good to have finally made a decision, and I wanted to celebrate with my super sexy mate.
Chapter 19: Krxare
Clara gazed up at the fairy lights as she lay on our mating bed. The last handful of days we’d shared together had been magical, and she had already started to imprint on me as my mate, even though she’d yet to agree to stay.
I still worried that Clara did not approve of the nest I’d made for her. No female from Kadri in her right mind would accept so little. She’d been here for days but had yet to make any comments that would give away her thoughts on it.
Unable to wait quietly any longer, I blurted out, “What do you think of our nest?”
She turned to me, looking amused. Then she glanced around the nest as if she hadn’t already been living in it for days.
“It’s comfy and clean, and I like the lights. They give it a homey feel.”
It wasn’t what I’d been looking for, though I had no idea what exactly I was looking for, having never taken a female to a nest before. I knew my nest wasn’t particularly impressive, considering I’d had so little time to prepare. I just knew that I wanted her to stay.
Frustrated, I sat down on the bed next to her. A Kadrixan female would understand the question. How did I explain to her what I was really asking?
Clara sat up next to me. “I talked to Tasha a bit. She told me that in your culture, the nest is a big thing. Something significant, but I didn’t have time to ask more about it. That first day, you told me about a male flying his mate up to the nest and keeping her until she agrees to stay with him. I know you’ve been working hard to furnish this place before the rut, but that is all I know.”
I frowned, realizing that, to Clara, this was just another pretty place I’d taken her to. She didn’t understand the significance because I hadn’t told her.
