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“If you don't have any place to stay,” Mark continued. “You can stay in Chris’s old room.”
“Thank you.”
“You can take Chris’s key and his phone.” Mark pointed to the card on the table next to the door. “We’ll start getting things for the Potluck first thing tomorrow.”
He was offering to help me find Chris.
“I thought you had work in the morning.”
“I’m sick.” Mark faked a cough and winked. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight and thanks for—” I didn't know what I was thanking him for, letting me know what happened or letting me stay “—everything.”
Chris’s bedroom was exactly as I'd seen it last. It was just big enough for his twin bed and didn’t have any place even to stand. All his clothes were tossed up into baskets hanging from the ceiling. The foldout wall desk was teeny tiny and had his latest project piled onto it. I put his,my, phone down next to the model spaceship he’d been working on. I turned off the lights and crawled into the still-messy blanket.
I’d never felt so all alone in my life. I’d left the stronghold hoping against all odds to find my brother, but now, as I stared at the peeling paint on the ceiling, I realized this was beyond my abilities. Even with the decent sum of credit Krxare had added to my account, I had no way of finding Chris. The public rail system only took me so far.
I doubted my brother would stay in the colony if he took the effort to dig out his chip. The facial recognition software in every camera would pick him up.
I was in the colony while he was out, and, if I left to find him, they would surely follow my chip.
The light from the orange moon slanted in through the narrow window, reminding me of how the twin moons looked from our vantage point up in Krxare’s aerie. I wondered how he was doing now.
Was he pissed off at me for leaving? Did he understand what I’d meant by remembering my words, that my words to him were the truth and I had to lie to get back into the colony? Suddenly, I worried that he would realize and come looking for me anyway, breaking the treaty and endangering all the new friends I’d made.
I sat up and picked up the phone again, then looked through the history. Nothing. The device hadn't logged our conversation at all. I didn't know what I'd expected to see. Krxare’s contact number? He wasn’t on our network. Even if there’d been a code or number for me to call, I doubted I'd be able to reach him.
I flopped back down onto the mattress. I had no idea what I was going to do next, and a part of me doubted I’d be allowed back into the rut, even though others had done it before. And even if they did, it was an entire year away. A year had never felt this long.
What if I got back and Krxare no longer wanted me? He might have said we’d be mates forever, but that was before I’d left, lying through my teeth. The look on his face when I said those words; I clutched at my chest and the ache in my heart. There was a chance Krxare wouldn't forgive me.
All I wanted now was for someone to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, but I was all alone.
Chapter 23: Krxare
I spent the next few days hiding in our aerie feeling sorry for myself. It was customary for a male to dismantle the nest after a failed courtship, unless he intended to try again with the same female the next year.
I did not intend to tear down this aerie. I had traded enough ore to ensure enough of their credits were on Clara’s chip for her to live comfortably until the next rut. There were females who had returned the second year after spending time back in their colony. Even if it took her many years to return, this nest would always be here waiting for her, as would I.
I’d also packed her a bag with her clothes, some food, and a handful of gems for good measure. I wasn’t sure she’d be able to use the gems in her colony, but should she decide to ask the Vokiren for safe passage to our stronghold, the gems would come in handy, as would the clothes made with their fabrics.
I hoped they would recognize her as a friend instead of greeting her as a foe, as that male had done.
If she did not return next spring for the mating heat, I planned on reinforcing my quarter's door and locking myself inside for the duration. The idea of spending the rut with any other female was abhorrent. Clara was the only female I wanted.
I didn't know how I would survive until she returned.
I held the pillow that had cushioned her head to my face again and inhaled. Eventually, her scent would fade from this aerie, and I would be completely alone. Even now, the scent was fainter than it had been just yesterday.
My stomach growled, but I ignored it. I’d barely eaten through the rut, and pangs of hunger stabbed at my belly, but how could I eat at a time like this?
Motion from the entrance caught my attention, and I turned to see Vostak on the ledge, folding his wings.
“So you are alive after all.”
“Go away.” I was not in the mood for his antics.
“Not happening. You are our leader, and we need you to lead.”
