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Chapter 15
Patience, and remembering it is more blessed to give than receive. - Paul James Rasmussen; born in Hoboken, NJ; raised in the Beechwoods area between Hortonville and Jeffersonville, NY; BA from St Bonaventure U, commissioned Army, Ordnance, (1967) sent to Germany (Karlesruhe)
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Peyton stooped downto put her book back on the shelf. Duke and Daisy lay at her feet as usual.
The conversation with her friends hadn’t helped things at all. It had only served to focus her mind on the fact that Bryce was different than other men had been. Not just because of the scars; in fact, she’d gotten used to them and barely noticed them.
She did figure that she’d have to talk to Owen about them before they came out. At this point, he didn’t know, but she wanted him to be prepared and have some time to think about being considerate to Bryce’s feelings.
Funny how she wanted to protect him when he was a grown man and was quite capable of protecting himself.
But she felt like she’d seen a little bit of his vulnerabilities, that he’d trusted her with them. Maybe that made her feel like she needed to be more protective, or maybe it was just that she looked at him as the underdog.
Maybe at one point, he was on top and had the world by the tail, so to speak, but at this point, he’d been knocked down and hurt. There was a part of her that wanted to see him healed. To see him be better. And she knew that believing in him, seeing his potential, encouraging him wherever she could, being a friend, loving him no matter what he did, were all things that could help lift him from where he was and help him become someone he never dreamed he could be.
The opposite was true too.
She’d experienced that in her divorce.
When someone she loved told her she was worthless. That she wasn’t good enough. That she was the cause of all their problems, and he couldn’t wait to get away from her. Oh, that affected a person, too.
She wasn’t quite sure how things would work in heaven, but she figured that people who encouraged others and help them grow to reach their potential were going to be in a slightly different class than the people who knocked other people down and caused them to doubt whether they’d ever amount to anything.
Regardless of anything she might gain in heaven, she didn’t want to be the kind of person who kept anyone from being what God wanted them to be. She wanted to be the kind of person who helped others believe anything was possible. Because once they believed they could do it, they could.
That was one of those lessons she’d learned from her divorce. It helped her see clearly the kind of person she wanted to be, and for the last ten years, she’d been deliberately trying to grow into that person.
So what she had done with Bryce, by not allowing him to offend her, not getting upset when he was gruff or even rude, not demanding that she be treated with respect, but accepting him no matter what he did, those were all things she had predetermined she wanted to do.
This focus on him, this inability to get him out of her head, this looking forward to every interaction and trying to think of ways that she could interact with him more, that was new.
She really needed to try to get over it.
So, when he came in around one with sandwiches, she was almost tempted to tell him she wasn’t going to stop working, wasn’t going to eat with him, but...not only would that hurt his feelings, it wasn’t truly what she wanted.
She didn’t want to be fake. Even if it would help her in the long run to not fall for someone she knew she shouldn’t be falling for.
She didn’t want to fall for anyone.
Marriage stunk.
Instead, she straightened, putting both hands on the small of her back and stretching.
