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This time, he wasn’t there. Instead, in his place, there was only Billy.
I squeezed my eyes shut tight. A desperate and silly attempt to make sure my vision was okay. Then I looked again. But nope, it’s just Billy there. I blinked again, just in case. Just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. But oh, yes. Yes, I was definitely having delusions. Now this was so not cool, Tequila.
And clack! I stuck the cue ball with so much force in an aimless direction that it smashed fiercely on the pot’s edge and flew off the table. Oops, I must have momentarily lost control of my own arm.
Billy chased after the ball rolling on the floor. “Woah, lady. Sure you’re up for the game? You seem a little out of practice.”
Out of touch from reality, maybe.
Just then, Billy’s phone chimed from his pocket. “Sorry, got to take this.”
While Billy tended to his call, I turned to hide my face. The shock of what I had just experienced must be displayed plain as day on my face. Just my luck that Billy got that call. How could I explain if he questioned anything? That in the years I’ve been away, I managed to make a complete mess of life to the point that I might be going haywire.
“Hey, Lucy, I’m sorry but I need to run home. Junior got a toothache and the nanny can’t get him to stop crying. Better make a trip to the clinic with him or it’s going to be one long sleepless night.”
“Toothache, the worst pain in the world. For a kid, at least.”
Billy replaced his cue stick on the stand. Then came to stand before me, showing off his sweet, heart-melting lopsided smile. “Will I have to wait seven years to see you again?”
“I promise I’ll come visit again soon. Ben would kick me out right now if I say no.”
“Good thing I come by for a beer or two every night then. Might catch you here again sometime. Have a goodnight, Lucy. And if you ever need someone to rough up the guy who didn’t put a ring on that finger and stole your beautiful smile, my number is still the same.” And with a light peck on my cheek, Billy left the pub.
This whole nostalgia trip made me wonder if this would have been my life hadn’t I left – working at the bar, gossiping about the town’s folks, raising Billy’s offspring. My inner self scoffed back at that thought. I would have never settled like that. I’ve always wantedmorethan just a husband and kids. Whether or not I managed to get that kind of more now, I had no fucking clue. I’m not sure what I wanted anymore.
And so, to comfort that realization, tequila came to the rescue again. I poured a shot and downed it like it was water. I didn’t even wince at the aftertaste. I relished it.
I ended up working the whole night behind the bar and by the time Ben closed the door after the last patrons left, my feet were killing me. I popped open a cold beer and sat down on a stool. Without a care that I might scratch the shoes, I pushed each shoe with my other foot and let it drop to the floor. Ahh, the relief. Look at those massive blisters all over my feet.
Ben came out from the back room, balancing a heavy bucket of water and a mop. Like he read my mind, Ben stopped me before I could even move. “Don’t even think about standing off that stool, kid. You did more than enough hard work in those pretty shoes.”
I didn’t just need to sit down because of the hard work or the shoes. I needed to sit down because I had forgotten that too much alcohol made my feet all tingly.
While Ben gave a quick sweep around the floor, I checked my phone. No missed calls, no messages, no e-mails. Unemployment and zero social life did leave you with a very silent phone. I can’t remember the last time I had less than ten emails in my inbox. My junk folder had more emails than that. Half of them were phishing emails and the other half were Sam’s emails. All from weeks ago. From the day I had his email address blacklisted till the day before his car accident.
My finger ignored my brain’s instruction to close the email app and instead clicked on one of Sam’s emails.
Hope you’re having the sweetest dreams.
Sam had sent this one in the middle of the night, at two in the morning. Brief emails. Typical Sam to cut to the chase.
I hit the back button, then clicked another one.
Every minute at work is endless without you.
This one was sent at seven in the evening. Was he still at the office at that hour? Geez.
I opened another email. Suddenly I couldn’t stop reading. I couldn’t stop imagining Sam sitting at his office desk, wearing his gorgeous smile and speaking the words he wrote out loud.
You left something behind… Emptiness.
I know, Sam. I had that same emptiness follow me too.
Please call me. I miss your voice.
I missed yours too. I missed all of you.
I love you, sunshine.
