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“I know you’re a sheltered little girl who wanted to take a walk on the wild side,” he commented, voice cold. “Who wanted a rebellion, a distraction.”
Again, I flinched, but I jutted my chin upward in defiance.
“You’re what I want,” I argued, stepping forward.
Elden’s jaw turned hard, and he held out his hand, pushing me backward. Not roughly. Not using an ounce of the real force I knew he could exert.
But the motion cracked something inside me.
“You don’t know what you want,” he spat, voice devoid of emotion. “You’re just a kid.”
I didn’t flinch that time, which I was proud of. I was also proud I continued to stay upright as pain splintered everything, including my last remnants of hope.
“You don’t mean that,” I said defiantly, not ready to back down yet.
“Yes, I fuckin’ do,” he shot back. “You’re a kid I’m forced to be polite to. You’re a hot piece, and I was givin’ way to my baser instincts. Nothin’ more, nothin’ less. You don’t mean shit to me.”
My stomach heaved, and I tasted bile. But I was still standing.
“Don’t embarrass yourself any further,” he added, lighting up a cigarette and blowing the smoke in my face. I winced at the bitter and acrid smell. “Fuck off back to college, find yourself some fuckin’ boy who will be impressed by you.”
Then without a second glance, he pushed past me and left me standing in his room, with the damaged drywall and my shattered heart.
“Sweetie, you left without even saying goodbye.”
I clenched my teeth against the hurt in my mother’s voice. I punished myself for that. For taking that goodbye away from her.
“We were going to go together, I had it all planned,” she continued, her voice soft but disappointment ringing in her tone.
I sank down to the floor of the hotel room I was staying in after driving ten hours straight.
“I know, Mom,” I said, trying to force my voice to sound even, normal. Whatever the fuck that was. “I just … needed the drive to clear me head.” It wasn’t a lie. Not entirely.
“I understand,” Mom said after a beat of silence. “I can’t imagine what these past few weeks have been like for you, and I’m so sorry—”
“No,” I interrupted, pain splintering my fingertips as I gripped my phone, cringing at the blame in my mother’s voice. “Don’t you dare apologize, Mom,” I stated firmly. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m so happy for you. There are no words for it.” A single tear ran down my cheek. I took a deep breath. “Your life is wonderful,” I whispered.
“Only because you’re my daughter,” Mom returned.
I smiled even though that wasn’t entirely true. Her life had been hell because I was her daughter, because she wanted me safe, wanted me to have a nice life. Her life was only wonderful because I’d left home, giving her the opportunity to escape my father.
My heart bled. “I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I didn’t want to hurt you or worry you.” I also knew there was no way I could pretend to be okay in front of my mother. She’d instantly see that something was wrong, and everything would come tumbling out. Swiss would definitely hurt Elden for breaking my heart like this.
And despite the cold, angry part of me that wanted Elden to hurt, I couldn’t do it. So I’d called Julian, told him a lie about my college housing, gone back to my mom’s house, thrown things into a suitcase and left in the car Mom had bought me the week before. Mom and Swiss hadn’t been there, some kind of sign that the universe was looking out for me.
“How about you change your flights to…” I trailed off, trying to figure out when I’d be whole enough to pretend I was okay in front of my mother.
It felt like I’d never be okay.
“A month from now?” I decided. “My schedule is still up in the air, but I know I don’t have class on Fridays, so we could make a long weekend of it?”
“A month?” my mother repeated in what could almost be described as a shriek. “Honey, Violet wants me to wait amonthbefore we visit.”
“Baby, she probably just wants to party her ass off for the first month,” Swiss offered, and I almost smiled.
“That is not helpful,” Mom muttered.
“Just to let you know, you’re in deep shit for takin’ off like that,” Swiss grumbled, addressing me now.
