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I didn’t trust myself to speak just yet, so I just nodded my head and took a sip. He wrapped me in a blanket and carried me to his bedroom where he held me close, stroking my hair as I drifted off to sleep.
8
PAUL
Iwatched her sleep in my arms as I held her tight. She looked like an angel with her hair around her face, so peaceful. I couldn’t help but reach up to stroke her face, brushing her hair away. What we had just experienced was completely amazing.
I decided right thenand there she was going to be mine. I was going to put my collar around her neck. But I didn’t want her to be my girlfriend. I wanted more. I wanted her in every way. I wanted her heart and soul.
I knowI said I’d never marry anyone again, but there was something about Alex that made me want to own her, to protect her and keep her safe, and cherish her. I loved everything about her - her submissive side, her wild side, and her fiercely independent side.
Would she feel the same?
I was prettysure she felt the same thing I did - that this had turned into so much more than two people just having some sexy fun. Maybe if I asked her to date me first, I could convince her we could be so much more.
I closedmy eyes and held her tighter to me as I listened to her even breathing.
* * *
I wokeup a few hours later to an empty bed. At first I thought she was in the bathroom, but a quick walk around the house and I soon realized she had left. All her things were gone. She must have called a cab or called someone for a ride home.
My shoulders slumpedand I rubbed my face with my hands.I scared her.She must’ve felt that things were going further than she wanted, and it spooked her.
I walked backinto the bedroom and undressed. I slipped back into bed, but tossed and turned. Sleep eluded me. I could still smell her on my pillow. In a sudden fit of rage, I got out of bed and tore my sheets off, throwing them in the corner of the bedroom.
I satdown on the edge of the bed and sighed. I was so angry with myself. I swore I was never going to let anyone in again. I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt me. And here I was.
But I couldn’t helpit. Alex was everything I could ever want in a woman and I’d be a fool to not see that. But she didn’t want me. Not that way. Someone, somewhere in her life hurt her so bad no one could break down those walls.
I looked at my clock.It was 4:30 in the morning. I threw on shorts and t-shirt, deciding a run might help clear my head. I grabbed the sheets from the floor and started them in the washer, before I grabbed my iPhone and headed out the door.
9
ALEX
“You can’t avoid the club forever, Alex,” Stephanie said as she stabbed at the salad in front of her. She’d met me for lunch a couple days after the party. We were supposed to talk about wedding plans, but ended up talking about my night with Paul and what a disaster it ended up being.
“Why not? Can’t you guys find a new club?” I whined, pushing my chicken around on my plate. I hadn’t had much of an appetite since the night at Paul’s house. I felt guilty for sneaking out on him when he’d been sleeping.
“I still don’t understand why you got so freaked out. It sounds like you had an amazing night.”
I sighed. “We did. It was a totally amazing night. It was like no night I’ve ever had with anyone.”
Stephanie shook her head. “Then what the hell is the problem?”
“It was going too far,” I said softly, knowing that Stephanie would tell me I was crazy.
She put her fork down and looked at me sternly. “Alexandra, I love you, but you’re an idiot. You are too beautiful and wonderful to be alone and it sounds like Paul really likes you. Why can’t you just open your heart and give him a chance?”
My eyes filled with tears. “I want to, Steph, I really do. But I’m scared. I’m scared to depend on him. I’m scared that I’ll live in his shadow. I’ve worked too hard for what I have to give it all up for some guy.”
“You know, you aren’t your mother,” she replied quietly.
My dad had died when I was three, leaving my mom alone to take care of me. She didn’t handle being alone so well, bringing man after man into my life. I hated how dependent she was to have someone take care of her and I swore I would never be that way.
“I know. I just can’t help but remember how she would panic when some guy would leave her. She wouldn’t leave her room for days. I never wanted to be like that.” I always said I would rather die than let any man have that effect on me.
Stephanie crossed her arms and narrowed her chocolate brown eyes at me across the table. “Is that what you think is happening with me and Zach? That I am giving myself up just to be with him?”
