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Fuck. I drag my feet and wish I could stomp them. Like a fucking kid, I want to throw a tantrum, yell and cry.
But I don’t. I bottle that shit inside and shove it deep down where it’s now only a dull ache, not a scorching inferno. But it burns underneath the surface just the same.
How could she just forget about me? It fucking hurts. More than I’d like to admit.
I catch an Uber back to Levi’s place. He invited me out here for a few weeks while our dad is in rehab. Last week, our lovely alcoholic of a dad ran out of luck. Driving home drunk is not new for him, but he ended up slamming into a tree and totaling his car this time. Now he’s required to do at least thirty days in rehab.
I didn’t want to come here at first. I’m still looking for a job and trying to figure my shit out. I don’t know what the hell I want to do with my life. It feels like it gets harder every day trying to figure it out.
Keeping myself busy isn’t easy with Chloe no longer around and my other friends out of town, pursuing their own college aspirations. I’m left feeling like a floundering fish in waters I’ve known my entire life. A mind fuck, I tell ya.
So instead of sitting home alone, I took Levi up on his offer. It had nothing to do with the fact that Chloe’s new school was only a half hour from where he’s staying. I mean, how would I know unless I looked it up? At least that’s what I tell myself.
But of course my love-sick ass looked it up and hopped on the next flight, desperate to see her. Even if only for a second. Even if only from a distance.
I should’ve stayed away. But I couldn’t, and now a huge part of me wishes I had. Because now my pathetic ass is pretending to be a student.
What is wrong with me?
I don’t know who this Mason guy is, but I’m determined to find out. If that means being a student, then so fucking be it.
* * *
“You were out of the house early today,” Levi says when I walk into the living room and plop my ass on the opposite end of the couch from him.
I sink lower into the plush cushions, hoping he gets the hint I’m not in the mood for small talk. Crossing my arms, I stare at the TV, watching some mindless reality show.
“Ty? Where were you all day? It’s not like you know the area,” Levi asks as he mutes the TV.
“Out. What’s the big deal?” I snap.
“Whoa. No need for the attitude.”
I don’t respond and continue staring blankly ahead.
“You don’t have to tell me shit. But it’s a new area for both of us. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”
I roll my eyes. “Since when do you care about my safety?” I don’t understand this act he’s put on since I got here, but he needs to quit. The sudden concern for my safety, the wanting to know my whereabouts. He never cared before, so why does he suddenly care now? Just because our dad can’t keep himself sober? The same way Levi barely can. What a fucking joke.
“Hey, I didn’t ask you out here to fight. I’ve always cared, Tyler. Unfortunately, I was stuck in my own shit for a long time. But I’m here now. I want to support you however I can, which is the main reason I invited you here.”
His words do nothing to soothe me even though they should. I want to believe him, but it’s hard. My life so far has been nothing but disappointments since Mom died. Except for one thing.
And now she doesn’t even want me. Which fucking sucks. It hurts.
“Whatever you say,” I mumble.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“About what?”
“Whatever you want.”
“No.” If I sit here, he’ll continue trying to make conversation, and I’m not in the mood. I only become more of a dick.
So I see myself out, stopping in the kitchen before hiding in the guest bedroom. He leaves me alone for the rest of the night.
The next morning, I’m back on campus. I questioned myself the entire ride here, but I came anyway. Why am I going?
