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“Not yet. She needs to rest. How about you come back in the morning? She may even be moved by then.”
We all nod and give the doctor our thanks. Leigh sighs and turns to me. “Not as bad as we thought. I'll come back in the morning to see her. I can let you know if she'll be moved tomorrow if you'd like, Cole?”
“I think I might stay.”
Leigh frowns. “But the doctor just said—”
“I know what the doctor said, and I know I'm not next of kin, but I want to stay.”
Leigh studies me, then nods. “Okay. See you in the morning.” She and Joe wave as they leave, the room suddenly feeling even more empty than before.
The old man still snores in the corner. I take a seat across the room and punch out a quick text to Brock about spending the night. Sliding my phone back in my pocket, I try to close my eyes. I know sleep won't come. My mind races.
It's my fault. If I hadn't ended things, if I hadn't acted like an asshole, if I had walked her home, then she wouldn't be here. Wouldn't be hurt and in pain.
What if … what if ...
I think of Liz and not saving her. I think of Addi and how I failed her.
My shop will fail without Addi.
And then what? What do I even have left?
I don't push them away. I don't try to stop them.
Instead, I let the tears fall, and the pain consumes me.
* * *
“She wouldn't see me.”
Gramps tries to comfort me by pushing a bowl of vanilla ice cream across the table at me. I push it back. I don't deserve something as delicious as ice cream. “She needs time, son.”
“I want to help her. To make her feel better.” I drop my head in my hands and push my fingers through the thick top.
“For you? Or for her?”
I snap my eyes to Gramps. “What's that supposed to mean?”
“I'm just asking. Is guilt making you feel like you need to help her? Or do you want to because you care?”
“You know I care about her.”
“Do you?”
“Why are you pushing me?”
“I'm not pushing you. I want you to think about it and realize what's deep down inside you. What do you want, Cole?”
“I do feel guilty. I feel like it's my fault it happened. And that's partly my reasoning for wanting to be there for her. But it's not the only reason. I also care for her. As a friend. And what I want is to keep my shop open.”
Gramps shakes his head. “You can be such a fool. Stop blaming yourself for everything. Shit happens in life, and most of it you can't control, predict, or prevent. It just is what it is. What happened with Liz is not your fault, Cole. Do you hear me? It's not your fault.”
“I'm not arguing with you about this.”
“Then listen to me. It's not your fault.” Gramps grabs my hands and holds tight, not letting me pull away. “Liz killed herself, Cole. You didn't kill her, nor did you make that decision for her. She chose to take her own life.”
My leg shakes under the table. I try to pull away harder. I can't listen to this shit. “She killed herself because of me! I broke up with her. I gave up on her.”
