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Even tired, he looks handsome in his cargo style pants and long-sleeved fitted t-shirt. I close the door behind him and follow him into the living room. He sits down on the couch and pats the cushion next to him.
I sit beside him, and he leans back, pulling me back with him. I wring my hands together in my lap. It's awkward. I focus on my hands, on keeping my breathing even.
Should I accept his touch? The comfort he brings fills me up, makes me feel whole.
So, why is it so Goddamned awkward between us?
"I'm sorry, Em. There's been so much going on."
I nod, unsure what to say.
"How're you feeling?" Knox whispers, and his arm comes around my back. I jump at his touch, my heart running wild. God, how I've missed him...
"All right, I guess." I shrug and bite my lip.
"I know it's been hard." Knox whispers, bringing his head closer to mine. I feel his breath on my neck and I shiver, chills run down my spine. "I'm so sorry, baby. None of it is your fault."
That's all it takes. Those simple words of his—not your fault.
Knox wraps both arms around me and I cry, the wet tears soaking his shirt. I claw at his shirt, needing to feel him, needing to let myself feel.
The tears fall until nothing is left. My face dries as I hiccup and shake. All that's left is Knox's sweet voice and soft touches.
* * *
"You haven't heardfrom your mother or sister at all?" Knox dishes out salad for both of us. After an hour of comforting each other, we decided to eat and talk things out. I stare down at my food, my appetite still low.
"No." I sip my water as my stomach clenches.
"Isn't that odd for them? They seem to be up your ass most of the time." Knox raises an eyebrow.
"It is, but I'm pretty sure I know why." I swallow more water in hopes of calming my stomach. It doesn't work. "She's shunned me because of the pregnancy."
Both of Knox's eyebrows raise in question. "Why do you think that?"
I sigh. "I know my mother. She's very old fashioned. I mean, her rules clearly state to be careful when it comes to sex. Honestly, I'm surprised she doesn't enforce no sex before marriage. But for me to have become pregnant..." I trail off as I play with my food. I shrug and continue. "That's not being careful. It's something that should only happen after marriage and with her approval."
"Are you kidding me? With her approval? What is this 1950?" Knox chews his salad, his eyes never leaving mine.
"I know. It's insane. Sarah told me she overheard Melissa and my mom talking about how disappointed they were. And now, neither one of them have called me or checked on me. It's like a knife to the gut. As much as I try to avoid them, it hurts they aren't there for me when I'm going through this." I sniffle, as I move the lettuce around my plate.
"I'm sorry, Em." Knox reaches over and squeezes my hand. "They don't deserve your love, in my opinion. They should be here for you no matter the circumstances."
Knox is right. They should. It only deepens the wound, the cracks in our relationships growing bigger. I'm not sure they'll ever be repaired.
I smile as I study his profile. His ruffled hair and unruly beard only make me want him more. His compassion, his empathy at what I've been dealing with, what he's been dealing with. It's all there in his appearance.
We talk about Max and Sharon. We talk about Ethan and Connie.
Everything we've wanted to say, we say... with nothing holding us back. We comfort each other.
We may be therapists, we may have expertise in our field, knowing why the human brain works the way it does, why people do things and react the way they do but that doesn't mean we aren't real people.
We fail in our own relationships, our own lives. But it doesn't make us failures.
It makes us human.
~K~
