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"Is that all?" he asked. Smug asshole.
"That's all," I said through gritted teeth.
He walked out laughing to himself.
"Amanda the Demander." Logan repeated Ethan's annoying tone. "I like it."
"Shut up."
He laughed.
"You’re lucky you don't have any brothers or sisters so I can dig up dirt on you."
The moment the words were out of my mouth, his features straightened and he tensed slightly, looking away from me. "Yeah, lucky me," he deadpanned.
I don't know why, or what'd changed, but he stood up and started to walk out of the room.
I stood and pulled him back down to the bed.
"Did I say something?"
He avoided making eye contact.
"Logan?"
He looked at me.
I pouted.
He smiled.
And it's all I ever wanted.
"You got your question?" he asked.
I thought for a second, while he got more comfortable sitting in front of me. He took my hands in his and kissed the inside of each wrist, the whole time, smiling up at me.
I bit my lip to stop myself from leaning in and kissing him. Because I wanted to. So damn bad. "When was the last time you had a moment? Like the ones you told me about. Remember?"
He nodded.
I continued, "What was the last thing worth remembering like that?"
He looked at me for so long, I didn't know if he was going to answer. Then he took a breath, "That day I saw you at the library, after we talked at the bus stop. That was the moment, that for the first time in my life, I wanted to believe in second chances."
NINETEEN
Logan
When I woke up the next morning, she wasn't in her bed.
She was sitting in the living room, coffee in hand. I sat next to her, but her eyes didn't move from staring down at the floor.
I put my arm around her and brought her into me. She didn't resist. "When do you have to leave?"
She removed my arm and stood up. "Tomorrow."
"What?" I followed her as she walked to the kitchen. She put her mug in the sink then turned to face me.
My forearm landed on her shoulders. "I don't want you to go."
"I don't want to go, Logan." Her voice broke.
"So what do we do?" I put both my arms around her neck and pulled her into me.
Her arms went around my waist. We held each other tight.
"We do nothing. You stay here and go to college and I go home and work."
"But I don't want you to go," I repeated. Maybe if I said it enough, she wouldn't. I pulled back and rest my forehead on hers.
"So you've said," she whispered.
I licked my lips.
I saw her lick hers.
"So I've said," I breathed out.
I felt her fingers tighten, gripping the back of my shirt. Her eyes fall shut and she moved her head to the side so her nose rubbed against mine.
"Amanda?"
"Mm?"
"I really, really want you to stay."
I brought her in closer again so her body was flush with mine.
She moaned.
"In fact," I started. "I really, really need you to stay."
And then I kissed her, softy. Just enough that our lips touched.
And that's how we stayed, for seconds, minutes, hours, who knows.
Our arms around each other, holding on. Mouths touching, but not moving. Eyes closed. Breaths heavy.
And then I moved.
I pushed her slowly until her back was to the counter, and my mouth moved on hers, slowly kissing her.
But she didn't kiss back. And it fucking hurt. Because as much as I wanted her, I think I needed her more. I've never needed anything more than her.
When I pulled away, I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "We can't, Logan." Her voice broke again. She straightened up.
"Why not?" I whispered, still holding onto her tightly.
"Because." She pulled back and moved her head to my shoulder. "Because you'll be here and I'll be there."
"So what?"
She was quiet for a while, before she removed herself from my hold completely and leaned back on the counter, crossing her arms in front of her. "So, college relationships are hard. You may be with someone, or even love them. But when you don't get that something physically, it's hard not to be tempted. And there are way too many temptations in college."
I shook my head at her, "Any asshole that has you, and is stupid enough to lose you, is a fucking idiot, Amanda. Trust me. I would know."
***
Logan: I need your help.
Dad: Anything.
***
I was walking to the field entrance for practice a few hours later, when I saw her. There was always a bunch of people waiting around outside the gates, but I didn't expect to see Amanda. She was sitting cross legged on a bench, loose shirt hanging off her shoulder and those cut off shorts. Her eyes cast downwards, focused on the textbook in her lap.
A couple girls called out my name, getting her attention. I ignored them and walked straight to her.
"What's up?" I dropped my gear bag on the floor in front of the bench and sat next to her. "How did you know I was here?"
"Micky." She shrugged, closing her book and putting it in her bag. She turned to face me, legs still crossed.
The sun hit her eyes, making them extra blue. She squinted. Her nose scrunched. She was pretty fucking adorable.
