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Prologue
Ihaddreams.
Plans.
Things I had hoped to do, to accomplish. No. More than hoped. I had expected.
Now, look at me. I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be. I am nothing like the person I dreamed I would become, and the life… thevision, I had for myself, is dead.
As dead as my marriage.
As dead as a lot of things.
Death. It’s a funny concept, isn't it? You live your life to the best of your ability. Well, sometimes. Some people just float through life, hoping for the living to come to them. Too petrified to meet their untimely end. Too afraid of all that could go wrong if they seek out the things they truly want. So instead, they just stay stagnant, waiting for some sort of blip in their world to jolt them out of their monotony. They wait and wait for the perfect time to start really living.
And then—they die.
Others, the brave ones; actively seek out the living part of their life. They take what they want, do what they want, and achieve what they want. Like the time-old mantra, theylive life to the fullest,and then, they might even welcome death when it comes. They’ve done the whole life thing, probably even made it their bitch, so why would they be afraid for it to come to an end?
Me? I’m somewhere in the middle.
I’m not a lump on a log, waiting for life to smack me upside the head, demanding I hop to. I’m not terrified of living. Quite the opposite actually. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to achieve things, make my dreams come true, see the world, and make incredible memories. Does that mean I’m going to go out and live as though I’m invincible? Indestructible and resilient to the bitter end? No. No, it does not.
Because, like many others, I’ve learned I’m not invincible, indestructible, or resilient to the bitter end.
I am breakable. I am perishable. I am only human, and I do in fact, have an expiration date.
What I do between now and then? Well, that's not completely up to me, now, is it?
I used to think it was. I used to think I was the master of my life and my future. I used to think my dreams, goals, and aspirations were mine, and mine alone, to do with what I wanted. I used to think I had the ability to make my visions a reality, that nothing, and no one, would or could come between me and my future. As though it was some sort of foregone conclusion.
Pfft.Right.
Maybe that would have been the case if the future I saw for myself was a solo one. An existence that only depended on me, myself, and I. Unfortunately, it wasn't.It’s not. Nope. I’m the dumbass who decided to go and dream up a whole-ass future that is solely dependent on other people. I dreamt up grand plans of a future that included me surrounded by people I could love, that would love me back.
The problem with dreams like that is: the only thing in life that you can control is yourself, and your own actions. Sometimes, we even get ourselves wrong. Sometimes, we fuck up our own lives.
However, when you dream about living a life full of love and companionship, you put your faith and trust in another human being. Therefore your future plans, dreams, and visions are reliant on something and someone completely and utterly out of your control. Sometimes that goes great. Sometimes, people really do find their happily ever after with another human who wants the same things, who chooses the same path, who works for the same end goal.
But—what happens when that person decides to take your life, your dreams, your everything….
And crushes it to all hell?
Chapter One
"I'lltakeanother,Jeeves,"I demand, tongue flopping haphazardly around my drunken mouth. The bartender, most definitely not named Jeeves, chuckles, and shakes his head, but does indeed make me another martini. "Extra olives, please. I requiresustenationess." I emphasize the s’s, making sure to really drive the point home.
He glances up at me with wide eyes full of laughter, if I'm not mistaken. It could be dread. Irritation. Possibly distaste. It's really difficult to tell when there are currently two of him. Four sets of eyes, two wide noses, two pouty-lipped mouths. Makes distinguishing subtle expressions quite difficult.
Although, that could also be the four vodka martinis sitting heavily in my very empty stomach. As in, I haven't eaten for like a solid ten hours. All because I wanted to make a good impression tonight. I didn't want to look all bloaty in my skanky red wrap dress, that fits my curves like a second skin. Spanx can only do so much for a girl.
Jeeves grins, and slides my drink in front of me. Swapping out my empty glass for a full one. He's smiling. With both mouths. Must mean his eyes were in fact, filled with laughter, and mirth, and not all the other crap I’d imagined. Cool, cool, cool. Dragging my sluggish gaze from his, my eyes connect with my new drink. Instead of one olive, it has two.Yay me.
Clearly, he assumed the fat girl didn't need any more snacks than necessary. "Hey! Jeeves!" I snap. Irritation, drunkenness, and hunger consuming me at once. "I saidextraolives. Remember the whole sustenationess thing we talked about?"
"Sustenationess is not a word. My name is not Jeeves, it's Dom. I’m well aware of your demand for food, but olives won't do shit. Especially not to soak up all that alcohol." Wow. Jeeves—nope,that's wrong. Domis sort of a dick.
He smiles brightly.
