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“No,” I whispered, the unbidden word slipping out before my brain could even wrap around what I was saying.
“No?” the robotic voice growled, and I could even imagine Merrick’s brow lowering into a glower. But that was the thing—I didn’t want to imagine it. I wanted to see it with my own two eyes. I needed proof this wasn’t all some dream and I was really here, in a car with the two guys I’d loved my entire life, who I tried desperately to protect, who I never thought would forgive me for the lies I’d spun—that I was finally safe.
“Take off the masks.” That was all I could say, all I could focus on right now. Spade’s hand gripped my shoulder to keep me from toppling sideways as the SUV turned onto the main road. I felt as though I didn’t have full control of my body, my mind so focused on the two men in front of me, on everything that just happened, that I couldn’t will the strength into my muscles.
Both men glanced out the window, clearly making sure we weren’t being followed before slipping off their hoods. I clasped my hand over my mouth at the mere sight of their hair, one golden strands and the other black curls. They pulled off the masks, their faces hard and coated in beads of sweat, their breaths coming in ragged pants, but it was them. Merrick and Kellan had threatened the largest crime family on the East Coast, had basically held them hostage and taunted their inability to fight back … for me.
A million thoughts buzzed around my mind at the sight of them. I wanted to ask them how they’d done it, why they’d done it, what was the plan now? But as my eyes flicked down to my lap, I took in the clutch, somehow miraculously perched in my lap, and the dress Tommaso had custom-made for me. I had to get it off—now—I had to get rid of every last possession I had from him. Not only because who knew if he had a tracker on my phone, or in my clothes, but because the only thing I could think of now was the slide of that silk against my skin, reminding me of his hands caressing me possessively. Bile rose in my throat, and I fought to keep it down, to not spill my guts all over the inside of this car.
My eyes widened and my muscles went rigid as panic set in. My hands shook lightly, my breaths coming in rapid pants as I attempted to fill my lungs, but no matter how many inhales I took it was never enough. It was as if his presence still lingered on me, sticking to my skin like the cloying scent of his aftershave. I needed to get it off me, to wash it all away, but I couldn’t, not yet. So the next best thing was getting these damn clothes off me.
“Giana, what’s wrong?” Kellan asked, his sable eyes creasing in concern as he lunged forward. He attempted to take my hands but I pulled them out of his grasp, unable to have something else touching my skin right now. Spade’s arm eased away from me at that, and I sighed a small breath of relief at the ease of pressure, but it still wasn’t enough.
“Clothes,” I gasped, my throat closing in on itself with each second that dragged by. I gripped the armrest tighter, suppressing the urge to claw at my neck. “I need clothes.”
Merrick and Kellan both stared back at me, confusion creasing their brows, until Spade began pulling off his ripped white shirt, spots of blood dotted along the back. But I didn’t care, I needed something, anything else.
“No,” Merrick growled, scowling at the shirt like it had personally offended him, unzipping his grey hoodie. It just went to show how bad the panic attack was since I wasn’t mesmerized by his bulging pecs and abs on full display, instead my focus fully on the sweatshirt he extended to me.
Immediately I slipped off the black dress, gritting my teeth against the feel of the fabric sliding against my skin, and flung it off as quickly as I could. Merrick cursed under his breath, clearly not expecting me to shed the clothing so suddenly, but I didn’t care. The windows were blacked out and the partition between us and the driver up front was closed. At this point I couldn’t have cared less if the entire town saw me naked just as long as I got this off me.
I flung the fabric to the floor, uncaring of the blood that still speckled my feet, and gently took the hoodie from Merrick and slipped it on. As soon as I zipped it up, I slid off the lace panties and unhooked the bra through the sweatshirt, maneuvering it to pull it out of the opening. I had to get rid of everything. I didn’t care that I was sitting here in front of these three guys with the chilled air-conditioned breeze flowing up the hem of the hoodie—I didn’t care if I had to go commando in front of anyone else either. Every piece of clothing had to go.
The entire car sat in silence, all three of them watching me intently as I gathered the clothes off the floor, found the clutch beneath them and pressed the button for the automatic windows. Merrick inhaled as though he was about to warn me to stop, but I didn’t care. Not only did I need it out of my sight, but if there was a tracker, I couldn’t let it lead them to wherever they were taking me, not after everything they just went through for me, not ever.
I threw the clothes out first, not caring where we were. I could be throwing it in the middle of the sidewalk for all I knew, it just needed to go. I put all my anger, fear, and frustration into it, a scream ripping from my lips as they launched from my hand. I opened the clutch next, tossing the phone with all my might, the crunch and shattering of glass bringing a faint smile to my lips.I hope he finds them, especially that phone. I hope he finds them and that final slice of hope slips away like he stole mine from me at the airport.
Next I fished the money out of the hidden pocket, clutching it in my hand as though it was my good luck charm. And it was—it was Francine’s goodwill and kind heart, not to mention her meddlesome nature, that put these events into motion. If she hadn’t convinced me to check the entire street, perhaps I would’ve given up after the first few shops and never saw Kellan or Merrick today. And they never would’ve known what Tommaso had done to me … With that I tossed the clutch out the window, a weight lifting off my chest as the final remaining item I had from him flew away.
I hunched over in my seat, staring at the wad of bills clutched in my hand and thinking of what had almost been. I’d almost left tomorrow morning with two hundred dollars in my pocket, a generous donation from Francine, but not much to live off of. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about what I was willing to do to get away, what I almost went through just to survive.
A sob racks my chest at that thought, mourning for the life I almost had to turn to, the woman I almost became and the girl I used to be—her life upended too soon, her dreams smashed in one day. But most of all my tears were ones of joy, of hope for a better future. Something I never even dared to dream of happened today, and my mind was still trying to wrap itself around my new reality. Spade’s hand rubbed tender circles on my back as we sat in silence, the only sounds piercing through the night sky were my ragged breaths as tears streamed down my face, blurring my vision. I slowly raised my head, sitting up in my seat, and wiped away the tears drenching my cheeks, the spray of blood now coating my hands catching my attention, and I winced as I pressed too hard on the bruise hidden beneath the layers of makeup. Uncaring that I may have wiped some of it away, I finally pulled on the seatbelt that I knew they were itching to buckle themselves.
My gaze flicked to each of them, my chest lighter now than it had felt in years. I knew it would take time to work through everything that happened, both mentally and with Merrick and Kellan, but I was so grateful to have this chance. To not have to lose pieces of myself by either living with a monster or on the streets. Merrick gripped his armrests just as I had before, the muscles in his jaw twitching with the effort it took to hold himself back. Kellan sat in stunned silence, and I could see that internal struggle within him as he debated whether he should push Spade out of the way to be the one comforting me. And Spade, he gave me an approving nod, his violet eyes full of rage, understanding, and just a hint of menace as though silently promising that we’d bring them all to their knees. His look made me wonder what had happened to him in the past, what had he gone through that made it seem as though he could read every thought crossing my mind right now.
“Thank you,” I breathed, capturing each of them in my gaze. The sudden words caught them off guard, Merrick and Kellan looking back at me with confusion and a faint smile played on Spade’s lips. “You didn’t have to do this, help me get away. Any of you or your friends could’ve been hurt or worse …”
I didn’t want to allow myself to think about how horribly tonight could’ve gone. They had no idea what was going on past the bruise covering my cheek and had no obligation to me.
“Giana,” Kellan said, disbelief thick in his tone, but I couldn’t hear whatever he was about to say, not while my head was still reeling from everything that happened tonight. I couldn’t chance the tiny flicker of hope that they came for me to be snuffed out just yet. We would never get the six years that we lost back, but we might just have a chance to make up for them now.
“I was going to run, tomorrow morning,” I murmured, some of the lingering tension easing at that admission as I held the cash up for them so they could understand the desperation and how close I’d been. It was the first time I said it out loud. I hadn’t been able to tell a soul, not until now.
Merrick’s hands shook, his knuckles white from the effort it took to hold himself back. “I’ll rip his throat out,” Merrick ground out, the muscles in his jaw ticking as he forced the words out.
“No, you won’t,” I breathed, a lethal calm sweeping over me. This wasn’t like when I’d warned him from keeping away from Tommaso in high school, attempting to keep the peace and protect Merrick—no, my proclamation had a very different turn this time.
“Even after all this?” Merrick asked incredulously, mistaking my intentions. “I’m going to choke his last breath out from his pathetic, vile mouth.”
“No, you won’t,” I declared, my eyes slicing between each of them, Merrick’s anger fading at the hard look of determination in my gaze. “Because I want to—no, I need to. I deserve to be the one who steals his last breath from him after all he’s done.”
“Fuck yeah,” Spade exclaimed with a fist pump, breaking the tension that had stretched through the car.
Chapter seventeen
Giana
Now
