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“I just don’t want to waste any more time,” I whispered, as I leaned back, my lips still lightly brushing his with each word. “We’ve already lost so much, and I don’t want another moment lost thinking about—”
His lips closed back over mine, stealing the words from me, showing me rather than telling me that everything would be alright. Because in that moment I knew it would—I knew despite the years between us, we didn’t need to rush. I was safe now.
He pulled away much too soon, and I pushed down the urge to chase after him, reminding myself that we had time. His lips quirked up into a teasing smile, his hand trailing down the arm of the thick sweater as he took another step back. His fingers entwined with mine and he pulled me toward the desk.
My breath caught in my throat at that smile, that the slightest tilt of his lips made my heart flutter. I grinned back at him, my chest light as he tugged me closer.
“I wanted to show you this,” he said, his other hand reaching for a sketchbook and flipping it open. He paused at a sketch … of me.
I looked as I had the other night, my hair in the same curls, the hoodie on my shoulders rather than the straps of the dress, thankfully. My eyes were tilted down, drawn in sorrow, my lips slightly parted as if I was mid-sentence, and a swath of light stretched across my face, from moonlight that had been glowing down upon me at that moment. I expected my face to look broken but it didn’t. I looked sad, the heaviness of exhaustion weighing me down, but there was something to my eyes. Despite the pain creasing them, there was a look of steel to them, a hardness that wouldn’t be squashed so easily. And just above my hairline were two horns, they were shadowed and wreathed in flames. I knew then that it was to symbolize that ember that still glowed within, that was building into a burning flame with each moment the tension eased off my chest.
It showed not only how I had looked in that moment, but what Kellan saw within me, someone who wouldn’t be broken and beaten down so easily. I glanced up at him then and he smiled back at me. He had never thought I was broken, merely bruised, in need of some time to heal so that the inner devil could regain her strength.
“I want a tattoo,” I blurted, confusing both Kellan and me as the words left my lips. But as I turned them over in my mind, I knew it was true. I needed something to mark me, to remind me of that inner strength if times ever grew dark again. Something to remind me of the ties that bound me, the roots I had were so deep, so mighty that nothing would ever shake them.
Kellan studied me, like he could see every thought that passed through my mind. And without me even having to say a word he nodded, his hand reluctantly slipping from mine to grasp one of his example books.
“Then let’s do it.”
Chapter nineteen
Giana
Now
“Justrelax,”Kellansoothed,placing a swift kiss on my cheek. I sighed an exaggerated breath and shook out my arms, hoping to work some of the tension out of them. “I promise it isn’t too bad.”
“I take it back, I don’t want a tattoo,” I squealed, wincing as though he was about to just start even with all my squirming.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want.” He chuckled, about to put the tattoo gun back down. I pursed my lips and pinned him with a glare that burned into the side of his head. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew I would relent if he backed down. And I knew he really would let me back out now, even after he’d taken the time to prepare his equipment and help me pick out the perfect design.
“Fine,” I sighed, leaning back in the chair. “You promise it’s not that bad?” I asked for the millionth time.
“I promise, it’s not that bad.” He laughed again, and I glowered at the amusement dancing in his sable eyes. “Besides, I’ll be sure to kiss away the pain,” he teased.
I lightly tapped his bicep and did my best to hide my blush as his laughter echoed around me. It hit me then how normal this seemed, how we’d slipped back into our usual banter like no time had passed. And despite my annoyance, I smiled back at him, my fingers itching to trace the lines of his lips and ingrain them into my memory.
We’d decided the best place for my first tattoo would be my bicep and he’d sketched out the design based on one in his book. When he stopped on one of the pages it somehow jumped out at me without even knowing its meaning. But when Kellan explained what it symbolized, I knew it would be perfect. It was called the Dara knot and was a Celtic design, the looping lines interconnected into a circle with four sections, all woven together with intricate lines. They were meant to symbolize the roots of an oak tree, so strong and magnificent it held up the massive sacred trees. I was immediately drawn to it for the beautiful design and the four different sections coming together as one. But when I heard that it was a symbol of strength as well, I knew it was exactly what I needed.
Getting this would be the perfect stepping-stone to the next chapter of my life. I’d be saying goodbye to the past, to the people that still tried to cling to me, to pull me back down into the abyss, and instead embracing my future, the one I could see with myself and the three men who’d saved me. Two of which had always been there for me, had been all I could think of for most of my life, and the third called to my soul. Although we hadn’t known each other for long, I could tell he was meant to be part of my life. I wasn’t sure how yet, but I knew I wanted to try, that I wouldn’t choose or waste any more time on what society may think of us. They were never there to help me anyway, so fuck them.
The cool press of the antiseptic wipe shocked me from my thoughts and my gaze flashed to Kellan, an indignant huff slipping from my lips. I hadn’t even realized how far my mind had drifted then, my vision hazing over so much, I hadn’t even seen him approach.
“Are you ready?” he asked, some of the amusement slipping from his face as he studied me.
“Yes, just start already,” I sighed, coaxing a laugh from him.
My head turned to face the other way, not wanting to watch as he pressed the tattoo gun to my skin. He didn’t bother to count down, instead just starting right away, not giving me the time to tense up again. I suppressed the urge to move my arm at the feel of the needle buzzing into my skin. A moment later my nerves registered the sensation and I relaxed. It was more of a pinching rather than the searing pain I’d imagined and was surprisingly manageable. I kept my arm still, propping in on the armrest, but let my body recline back into the chair.
“What did I say,” he chuckled, clearly seeing some of the rigid stiffness leave my shoulders.
“Of course, you were right—” A hiss of pain cut off the rest of what I was about to say.
“I mean I never said it would be relaxing.” He shrugged, snickering under his breath as he went back to work.
“No, you didn’t,” I agreed, pushing past the throbbing that still lingered. “So I guess we need to discuss what happens next.”
“No, you need to relax and let us handle it,” Kellan murmured, his lips parting slightly as he focused on his work.
