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We just stare at each other for a minute, both of us wondering what the other is going to say next. The air feels baited now, and I can’t help but let a hundred forbidden questions fly through my mind.
Whose are they? Did she have a husband at some point who left her, causing her to be so coarse and defensive with me in the beginning? I feel like I need to know the answers right now, but I’d hate to do anything that pushed June further away from me. There’s a new fault line between us now that this new factor has been brought to light.
“Your mom said you’ve been raising them yourself. How have you managed to do that? Being pregnant with twins when you don’t have someone around must have been terrifying,” I continue, choosing my words carefully to keep her from growing defensive.
She eases up, loosening some of the tension in her shoulders as she leans on the countertop. “Yeah, it was. When I found out that I was having twins, I wanted to scream. I already felt like it was unfair that I was pregnant, but I could at least take responsibility for my... choices. Finding out it was twins just felt like the universe was punishing me.”
“Damn, that’s brutal,” I reply.
“I mean, I love my boys to death. I would die for them,andI would kill for them. But I felt so lost during that time, and even with my mom’s help, I felt more alone than I ever had. It was awful,” she responds, her voice weighted by the sadness in her memories.
The silence befalls us again, and now I need to ask the hard questions. If I don’t, I won’t be able to sleep at night until I find out the answer. The idea of June carrying and raising someone else’s babies makes my blood feel hot, though I can’t place exactly why.
Am I really that protective of her?
“Do you know whose they are?” I ask, finally spitting the words out. I feel sick just saying them, but it’s better for me to find out now and start coming to terms with it rather than being tormented by it.
Silence again.
“Do you not know?”
She begins to speak but draws back. Whatever she’s about to say is difficult for her, and I doubt it’ll be easy for me to process either.
“Marcello, I think you should sit down for this...”
ChapterTwenty-Nine
JUNE
“Marcello, the boys are yours.”
We both lose our breath as the words leave me. Him from disbelief, mine from the combined overwhelming sense of relief and fear.
“What?” he asks in complete disbelief. “How the fuck... why didn’t you tell me?”
“I couldn’t find you! You were impossible to reach. You think I didn’t scour the internet looking for you just for the opportunity to scream at you for ruining my life?” I reply incredulously. “I wasn’t about to just let you off the hook if I could help it, but you were nowhere to be found. Even your phone number was disconnected.”
He stares at me wordlessly, his eyes piercing and full of betrayal. “So, not only did you not tell me that you had two kids, you failed to tell me thatI alsohad two kids? Damn, June, I didn’t know a woman could keep such a huge secret for so long. That’s absolutely crazy. Bravo.”
I’m beginning to feel guarded like I regret telling him about the boys at all. I hadn’t intended on it, but my mom had to go and fuck up everything. I know I can’t blame her. I haven’t exactly been very transparent with her. Even still, I don’t know how to clean up the mess I’ve made of this conversation.
“Why are you asking me all of this right now? I thought you had to focus on your mission. I was expecting not to hear from you until you returned from it,” I deflect.
“How the fuck was I not supposed to ask? This was a major bomb you just dropped on me. Do you understand how fucking guilty I felt when I found out that I was keeping you from your kids? Or should I sayourkids?” he replies in anger and spite. “I can’t believe I’m about to go risk my fucking life, and I’ve never even met my own two kids.”
When the realization comes to me, I feel just as much guilt and regret as he does. I could have told him before he almost died, but I chose to be selfish.
“Do you realize that you don’t have to follow through with this mission? Has that ever occurred to you?” I ask, raising my voice to match his energy. I willnotlet him intimidate me.
“Obviously, you have no concept of family at all. You keep a man from the knowledge of his children, and then you question his loyalty to his brother. Goddamn, what did I ever see in you?” he spits, his words laced with bitterness.
I could break down right here and now as his uncontrolled vitriol takes over. I understand why he’s upset, of course, but his response has more to do with the stress of the mission than the information he’s been given. At least, that’s what I hope for.
“Marcello, I do understand the importance of family. That’s why I’m telling you to take responsibility for yours!” I respond. “Your brother is a grown adult who made some bad choices. Your boys are innocent, and they need their father.Ineed their father.”
His face softens, and he relaxes somewhat as he sits back down at the island. “You feel like you need me?”
I sigh out of frustration. “Yes, Marcello, I need you. I need you. I need your money. I need your help with these kids because I can’t fucking do it alone anymore. It’s too hard, and I’m stretched so thin some days that I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
