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"It's not fine. It's never fine." She reached out and pulled on my shirt until my position mimicked hers. Our faces so close I felt her exhale of breath against my skin. Then I felt her hand on my cheek. My eyes drifted shut. Her thumb skimmed my lip. "Does it hurt?"
I covered her hand with mine and brought my face closer to hers. I kept my eyes closed. I didn't want to see her pull away. Our noses rubbed against each other.
My heart pounded.
My hand trembled.
"You're shaking," she whispered.
Shit. "Mm," was all I could say.
She placed my hand between both of hers and pulled away. I wanted to tell her to stay. I wanted her to be closer. "Are you okay?" she asked.
"Mm," I said again.
I felt her bring my hand up, and press her mouth on my palm. She kissed it once, twice—by the third kiss it'd stopped shaking.
And I knew it then.
I knew she had the power to make everything better. That's why I needed her, but it was more than that. It was so much more than that.
I opened my eyes slowly, and that's when I saw it.
The mark on her wrist.
She must've noticed because she started to pull away. I gripped it and moved her bracelets so I could see it clearly.
And then I gasped. Like a fucking girl.
"What is this?" My eyes left her wrist and moved to her face.
She looked sick, like she was going to puke. She pulled her arm out of my grasp and stood up. "I gotta go."
She rushed for the front door.
I wanted to yell out. I wanted to stop her.
But I didn't do shit.
I just let her walk away.
What the fuck had happened while I was gone?
12
Logan
Another sleepless night. I couldn't get her out of my head. Honestly, she was always in my head. She'd only been in my life again for two days. Two fucking days, and this was the effect she was having on me. I had to keep reminding myself that she wasn't mine, and that it was my choice.
There was a knock on my door. No one knew I was back. No one knew where I lived. Only Amanda. I stood up and rushed to the door so fast my head spun. Way too excitedly, I opened it, but it wasn't Amanda.
She was pissed.
I grimaced.
"You fucking asshole." She shoved me hard against my chest.
"Nice to see you, too."
"No!" she yelled, hitting my chest a few times.
I tried to block her, but she was adamant on contact. "Fuck, what is with people hitting me?"
She stopped, her fist raised mid punch, but then narrowed her eyes. "You deserve it this time." She got in a few more hits before she started to cry. "I was so worried about you, Logan. Nobody knew anything, and you've been here. Why didn't you call me? Email . . . anything?" Her body slumped, as she wiped frantically at her tears.
"I'm an asshole, Lucy. I'm sorry. Come here." I brought her in for a hug. She resisted at first, but eventually gave in.
"I hate you," she said, and then I heard her sniff. "I missed you so damn much."
Ten minutes later, after I'd finally settled her down enough, she spoke, "How come no one knows you're here?"
I shrugged. "I just want to lay low for a bit. You can't tell anyone I'm here, Luce. Not even Cameron."
Her eyes went wide. "Well, that's going to be tough."
"Try, okay?"
She nodded.
"How did you even know I was here?"
"I have my ways." She giggled.
I sat on the sofa bed, and she did the same. "How's Cam?"
Her smile was instant. "He's good. We're good."
"That's awesome."
"And you? What have you been doing? Where were you?"
I told her all about Doctors Without Borders and my time in Africa. I told her about Manny and Jamal. She gave me a warning look when I mentioned Rebekah. I laughed at her—she had no idea where my heart and head were. I even told her about Amuhda and her mom. Lucy, being Lucy, cried some more. "But they're okay?" she kept asking.
I kept assuring her they were.
Then I told her about the PTSD meds I was on.
She was quiet for a while, and then lifted her chin, as if gaining the courage to speak. "Logan, no one really knows what happened that night. I mean, no one's said anything. Jake and Kayla, they seem to know, but they won't say much. I know Jake's your best friend, but I thought I was your girl?" She grimaced, probably not wanting to bring up Amanda.
I held her hand. Lucy was special to me, she always had been. It's like the moment Cameron brought her into our circle, she saw through my bullshit and just saw me. "Ask anything you want, Lucy. There are no secrets between us. Ever."
She nodded, then quietly spoke, "Did you know them? Those bad people that did that to you?"
I laughed under my breath. She spoke like a ten year old. "Yes, well, two of them. One of them was my birth dad."
She gasped loudly.
"The other was Megan's ex-boyfriend."
She looked confused now.
"Megan, Micky's ex-best friend, the one that cheated with James?" I waited for her to understand. When she did, I continued. "She's my half-sister, from my birth dad's side, and—"
"Hold up." She raised her hand to my mouth. "What the fuck is happening right now?" Her eyes were huge, disbelieving. "Dude." She sucked in a breath and let it out in a huff. "Are you openly telling people this shit? Because you might want to wait until you let everyone know you're back so you can answer the eleventy-three questions we're all going to ask."
