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"So he told you he was leaving? He told you where he was going? He kept in touch? Told you how he was? Wrote to you?"
Heidi's eyes were huge now, but she nodded again.
"Good." Amanda said. "That's fucking great." Her voice got louder, her initial calmness all but gone. "That's a hell of a lot more than I got from Logan. You at least got to say goodbye. You get to know that he's safe." Her voice changed. She was holding back a sob. I stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to soothe her. She jerked away from my touch. "You get to write to him. Occasionally, get a phone call from him. I got nothing. NOTHING. He could've been dead and I wouldn't have even known." She wiped her face.
"Amanda." I tried to get her attention. I wanted her to turn her around so I could see her. I wanted her to stop talking. Her words weren't just hurting her, or Heidi—they were hurting me, too.
Eventually, she turned around, but she was still pissed. "No, Logan," she ground out. "She got to say goodbye. Her boyfriend—or whatever the fuck he is—is out there, serving our country, doing something he believes in. And he keeps in touch. She can write. He can call. It's so much more than I got. And I won't stand here and be blamed for that shit." She turned around and faced Heidi. "Just be fucking thankful that he loves and cares about you enough to let you know he's safe. Because it's sure as shit a lot more than I fucking got."
Heidi stepped back and wiped at her eyes. I don't know who she was crying for—Amanda or herself.
Amanda turned back to me. "I'm sorry," she said, before brushing past me and walking away. And I just stood there, not knowing what the fuck just happened.
Then I heard Lucy. "Bitch, you best go after your girl. You better fight for her, like you promised. You ain't lettin' her go again. Nuh-uh, I ain't letting that shit happen no more."
Then I felt a full can of beer smack into my stomach. "Oomph," I grunted.
"Fuck, baby," Cam whined. "Quit throwing beers around."
"Go, Logan!" Jake yelled.
It pulled me out of my daze. "Shit!"
24
Logan
I found her sitting in the bed of my truck, her knees up against her chest and her head in between them. Her soft cries filled the night air. I climbed up and sat next to her. I didn't touch her, or comfort her. Honestly, I wasn't sure if she was pissed at me or not.
"Hey, pretty girl."
She sniffed once, and then lifted her head. Her blue eyes glistened with tears. She wiped at her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Logan."
"What?" I said. "You have no reason to be sorry."
She moved in closer to me and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I shouldn't have let all that stuff come out, especially in front of your friends. I embarrassed you—"
"Babe," I cut her off. "I don't care about my friends, or what they think. I just care about you."
She looked up at me, her eyes huge.
"Will you play a game with me?" I asked.
She nodded.
"Two truths for fifteen?"
"Okay," she answered quietly.
I stretched out my legs in front of me and tugged on her hand until she got the hint. Straddling my hips, she placed her arms on my shoulders, her excessive amount of bracelets clanking against each other. "So, you hate me?" I asked her.
She rolled her eyes. "I don't hate you."
"But you're mad at me?"
She sighed loudly as her body slumped. Nodding slowly, she let her words come out in a rush. "I am. I mean—you know I love you, and I've tried not to be mad, I really have. But I can't help it. I'm glad you're back. I'm glad we've found each other, but that doesn't change the fact that you just left. And I know that you have your reasons, and that's fine. But you could've said goodbye. I was right there, that day when I came to see you. You could've told me you were leaving.
"I spent a year worried about you, wondering if you were okay, if I was ever going to see you again. I got that one letter from you, and that's all. A whole year, Logan. Surely you would've known that I'd worry about you. What you did—leaving like that, that wasn't fair to me, and you know it."
"I know," I said quietly, looking down between us. "And I'm sorry. I guess I just thought that you'd forget about me soon enough, you know?"
She lifted my chin with her finger, the way I'd done to her so many times. "I don't know what would make you think that. We weren't just some boy and girl who fell in love. What we had—we were more than that. At least, that's how it felt to me."
I swallowed down the lump that'd formed in my throat. "It was that way for me, too, babe." I brought her in closer. "I guess I should've known better. Looks like I have a year’s worth of mistakes to make up for."
"Hm," she said, tapping her index finger against her lips. She eyed the sky. "How ever shall you start?"
I pinched her sides. She squealed and squirmed. "Show me your boobs and I'll show you where I'll start."
"You're a pig." She giggled.
Chuckling, I started to kiss up her neck, across her jaw, to her lips. "I love you," I whispered against them. "You're my heart, Amanda. And one day soon, I'll give you the world, just like I said I would in that letter."
