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Amanda spat out her water, and then started choking on her laughter. I patted her back, but I couldn't hold it together, either.
Classic drunk Lucy was always the best.
"Wait," Micky shouted. "There was one more." She wiped at her eyes as she tried to level her breathing. "Oh, yeah! Did it hurt when you fell from the top of the slut tree and banged every gray-pubed geriatric dick on the way down?"
The roar of our laughter filled the yard.
Lucy just sat quietly with a smile on her face as she drank her beer. She saw me watching her and winked. Fuck, I’d missed her.
***
"Logan," Heidi called out from across the firepit. She didn't wait for conversation to die down. She just cut right in. Everyone turned to her. She hadn't said much during the night. I figured maybe she was embarrassed in front of Amanda for the way she’d treated her the last time we'd seen her, but looking at her now, she was beyond the buzzed state the rest of us were in. She was drunk, which was evident when she mumbled, "You ever think about what would've happened if you and I never broke up? We could've been good—you and me."
Her eyes were bloodshot, half hooded. She struggled to hold her head up. I struggled to answer. "Um, I think maybe—"
"I mean, I know we just fucked . . . a lot . . ."
Amanda tried to wriggle her hand out of my hold, but I tightened my grip. I felt her body move away, but I couldn't take my eyes of Heidi.
"And when I told you that I wanted to date another guy—Dylan." She rolled her eyes. "I thought you'd at least try to stop me, you know. I thought we had something good. Not just the sex."
Amanda tried again to remove her hand. I held onto it tighter still.
We all sat in silence, but Heidi kept going. "We could have worked. You and I could've been the hot power couple through high school, maybe even college. Then I wouldn't be some college junior whose boyfriend dumped her for the marines." She laughed once. "Remember how we'd lay naked in bed all day and teach each other everything. Those were good times, Logan. We should do it again sometime."
My eyebrows pinched. What the hell had happened to her while I was gone? It had to be more than just Dylan leaving.
Jake cut in. I'm glad he did, because I couldn't have formed words if I’d tried. "I think you've had enough to drink, Heids. Maybe it's time to call it a night."
I turned to face him.
"Yeah. You're right," Heidi agreed. "I've texted my friend. She's on her way."
I was too busy looking at Micky, who was frowning.
I followed her gaze.
Amanda.
Shit.
Amanda
I kept my head down, not wanting them to notice the stupid tears in my stupid eyes. Then I heard her speak, "Well, Logan, it was really nice seeing you again. I'm really glad you're home." I saw her feet stop in front of his from the corner of my eye. I still refused to look up. But then he released my hand that I'd been trying to withdraw, and the movements made me glance up at them.
And I wish that I hadn't.
Her arms were out, an invitation for a hug.
He stood up.
She placed her hands around his shoulders.
He wrapped his around her waist.
Then her fingers curled into his hair, bringing his face closer to hers.
And then their mouths connected.
She moaned.
Thump. Thump.
And then nothing.
My eyes shut tight.
My stomach hit the floor.
My head dropped.
His voice broke through. "I'll walk you out," he said.
And then he was gone.
Seconds passed. It felt like hours.
"Amanda?" Micky crooned.
I lifted my eyes to her.
"She's not in a good way. She's been struggling with a lot of stuff lately. It doesn't mean anything. He didn't kiss her back."
I nodded once. It was all I could do.
Then I cleared my throat. "It doesn't matter." It really didn't. Because I was here, and he was with her.
32
Logan
I tried to take her hand when I got back, but she crossed her arms over her chest and looked down. I sighed, and moved so I could speak into her ear. "I didn't kiss her back, babe. I pulled away as soon as I knew what was happening."
"It doesn't matter," she said quietly, but refused to look at me. It did matter. Obviously, it mattered.
"Amanda," I tried again.
She chewed her lip, her exhale of breath causing it to quiver. I leaned in close and softly kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry," I whispered.
She raised her hand and wiped at her eyes. "It's fine. We'll talk about it later, not here." Her voice broke.
So did my heart.
I pulled back, not knowing what else to do. I placed my hand on her leg, and watched as it began to tremble. She glanced at it quickly, before staring off into the distance.
She didn't cover it.
She didn't comfort me.
She didn't speak for the rest of our time there.
We said goodbye earlier than expected. It was awkward, not just for us, but for everyone.
I kept my hand on her leg on the drive home. It hadn't stopped trembling. She kept quiet, eyes fixed on the road in front of her.
I spoke first. "You obviously didn't see it, but I pushed her away as soon as—"
"I don't care about that," she cut in. She sounded sad, and tired. Maybe she was tired of me fucking up.
