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Her eyes finally move from behind me and rise, up, up, up to mine. And my world stops. For a completely different reason. A reason I've never had to feel before. It's like I'm falling. Or fading.
"I didn't know that you didn't want this. I didn't know because I never asked. I'm sorry, Cameron," she sobs. She sets the bag on a desk next to her and wipes her eyes. Then she squares her shoulders and lifts her chin, sniffing back her tears as she does. "Call me when you finish, okay?"
"Wait." I pull on her arm to stop her from leaving. "I don't—"
"It's okay," she says. Her teeth are clenched when she adds, "Seriously, Cam. It's fine."
My breaths are short and I can't seem to settle it. I'm afraid of what she's thinking, what she's feeling. I pull on her arm until she's closer to me. I lean down to kiss her but she turns her head, avoiding me.
"Come on, Lucy," I whisper, my desperation for her ears only.
Roxy clears her throat from behind us. "Cameron, you can go, I'll finish up here."
I don't even think. I just gather my shit. Mouth 'thank you' to Roxy and I leave.
But she's already ten steps ahead of me.
"Lucy," I shout after her.
She gets in the elevator and waits for me to catch up. "Logan's gone," she deadpans, staring down at the floor.
"What?" I huff, pressing the button to the ground floor.
"He left."
"What do you mean left? Dropped out?"
She looks up at me now. "No. He's gone. Left the country. Nobody knows where he is, or when, or if he's coming back."
I pinch the bridge of nose with my thumb and index finger, trying to weaken the pounding in my head. There's too much to take in and I don't know which thought to run with.
The elevator dings and she steps out, I follow, still not knowing what to say.
She walks out of the building and unlocks her car. "I organized a study group tonight, I'm already late. I'll call you later, Cam." She gets in her car and drives away.
And I'm left standing on the sidewalk wondering what the fuck just happened, and why I feel like my world is falling apart.
***
Eight times I call her.
She never answers.
I stare at my phone and drop down on my bed. And then I dial Jake's number.
"Yo," he answers.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
He laughs once. "Stalking Logan's Facebook, trying to work out where the fuck he is."
"So it's true?"
"Yeah, man. Dr. Matthews called today and told me. He won't give any more information, just that he's left." He lets out another laugh, a bitter one. "I'm watching this video of him when we were at Lucy's cabin. He's drunk and doing—"
"The MC Hammer dance?"
"Yeah. He was so wasted that night."
A quiet moment passes, both of us thinking about that night.
"Anyway," he perks up. "You wanna talk to Luce?"
"What?"
"I figured you're calling to speak to Lucy?"
My heart drops. She lied. I don't think she's ever lied to me. "She said she had study group. She's there?"
"Yeah, dude. She's talking to Kayla."
"What are they saying?"
"I don't know, man. They're in the living room, I'm in the study."
"Well, fuck, go eavesdrop. What are they saying?"
"I can't do that."
"Jake." His name comes out a warning.
"Fine," he clips. "But you owe me." He sighs into the phone and I hear a knob turn.
"Okay," he whispers.
I keep my ears pressed to the phone, not wanting to miss a word.
"Kayla's saying that she's sure it's nothing."
"What's nothing?"
"Shut up. Do you want me to listen to them or not?"
I clamp my mouth shut.
"Okay so Lucy just said that she's never worried before. That it was always kind of a joke, like a show... the jealousy and stuff..."
My hand squeezes the phone so tight I'm scared I'm going to break it.
"She says that it's different now, she's actually afraid. She says that things have changed, that you've been different lately. She says she has a reason to worry now. Who's Roxy?"
Fuck. I rub by eyes and try not to cry like a bitch into the phone.
I hear a door close, then Jake's deep voice. "Dude..."
"What!"
"She's fucking crying. Like all out sobbing."
"Fuck."
"Cameron, what the hell did you do?"
***
You'd think considering how tired I was that I'd be able to sleep, but I can't. I tried calling her again, but her phone was busy. Who the hell is she talking to?
Throwing my covers off, I get dressed, grab my keys, and drive the few minutes to her dorm. Rose answers, but there's no Lucy. I curse and try to call her again. Still busy. I sit my ass on the floor next to her door and wait. I don't care how long I have to wait. I need to see her. I know I won't be able to relax until shit's resolved and she's in my arms again. I'm about to doze off when my phone rings. Her name flashes on the screen. My heart picks up. "Babe," I answer.
"I've been trying to call you."
"I've been trying to call you."
