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"No."
She scoots until we're as close as possible, and that's how we stay, in silence, until the sun starts to set. I watch as the sky turns orange, then red, then purple. And I know that we've been sitting here for hours, but it feels like minutes because time doesn't exist when I'm with her.
She shivers in my arms.
"Are you cold?" She turns her e-reader off and looks up at me for the first time since I've sat down. My eyes can't take her in fast enough.
"Yeah," she says. "I should probably get back to my room."
I try to think if I have sweatshirt I can offer, something that will make her stay longer, but I have nothing. "Oh, okay."
She stands up and shrugs her backpack on. "It's late," she says, as I get to my feet.
"Yeah," I respond.
"It's like... dinner time, right?"
I nod. And just stand there.
"Do you—" she starts, and then cuts herself off.
And then it hits me. "Did you want to get something to eat?"
"Oh, no. I mean—do you?"
I nod frantically, and then try to calm the fuck down. "Y-yeah... if you do?"
She lets out a laugh. "Why is this so hard?"
"I'm nervous," I tell her truthfully. "It's like I'm fifteen and I'm asking you out on a date."
She smiles. "I don't think you ever really asked me out on a date... like... ever..."
"I didn't?" I try to think back to that time in our lives. "Holy shit. I didn't, did I?"
She shakes her head, biting her lip as she does.
"Well, would you like to go out with me?" I ask, feeling stupid and embarrassed, but most of all, hopeful.
A low giggle escapes her. "How about we get take out and bring it back to my room... we could watch a movie or something?"
I want to crack a joke about her inviting me to her room on our first date... and if watching a movie is code for getting laid... but I don't think it's suitable. "That sounds great."
***
We bring pizza back to her room, and I'm thankful that Rose isn't there. "It's so cold," she says. "It was so warm today and now it's freezing."
I set the pizza on her desk and watch her walk to her dresser. "You want a hoodie? I think I have a few of yours here."
I smile at the thought of her keeping my clothes. "Yeah, please."
She throws a hoodie at my head, making her laugh.
"Good arm," I joke.
She shrugs. "Jake's been teaching me to pitch."
"Huh." I force down the jealousy. First the gym, now the pitching lessons.
She pulls out pajamas from her drawer and points to the bathroom. "I'm just gonna change real quick."
It's been a long time since she's left a room to undress. I look away and nod.
I wait to hear the bathroom door close before I sit on the bed. I drop my head in my hands, and I think. I think about how long it's going to take, and how hard it's going to be to try to get back to where we were. The bed dips when she sits next to me. "Cameron," she says, and I tilt my head to face her. She must be able to tell what's on my mind because she adds, "Slow, okay?"
I nod, my heart heavy with uncertainty. She stands and picks up the box of pizza and her laptop. "Lucas loaded Netflix on my computer so we can watch whatever."
She sits on her bed with her back against the wall and pats the spot next to her.
A movie plays, but I don't watch it. I watch her.
When we're done eating and she trashes the box, she sets her laptop on her desk chair on the side of the bed. "It's cold," she says. "I think I'm going to get under the covers. You can leave, if you need to get back for an early class or something..."
"Or?" I ask her.
"Or you can stay, lie with me until the movie finishes."
My smile is instant.
-LUCY-
Holy crud bucket.
I'm so nervous. More nervous than when I showered him with my virgin kisses. I want him to stay. I want to be in his arms where I know I'm safe. I want to go slow, but it's hard. Especially since I know what's waiting at the end. Him.
I lie under the covers at the edge of the bed and wait for him to climb in behind me, but he doesn't touch me and I don't know why.
"Are you still cold?" he asks.
"A little."
The bed moves and I feel his warmth behind me. "Come closer," he says.
So I do.
And all of a sudden I'm in his arms, exactly where I want to be.
The movie plays on and on and I cry silent tears. He doesn't speak. He doesn't move. He doesn't try to touch me inappropriately. He just holds me. And it's perfect. He's perfect. Just like he's always been.
*
He's out, like a light. I can tell because the movie’s done and he hasn't moved. I feel his chest on my back, rising and falling peacefully with every breath. I turn in his arms so I can face him. He has the hood over his head and his mouth is partially open. His bottom lip quivers slightly with each exhale.
The door opens and Rose is there. I lift my finger to my mouth, telling her to be quiet. Her eyebrows narrow in confusion before she looks past me and to Cameron. She pouts, mouthing, "So cute".
"I know," I mouth back, my smile in full force.
"I'll come back in the morning," she whispers. I thank her before she leaves the room silently.
