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“Look,” I said, stepping back. “I don’t think I can shift today.”Or ever.
Eli’s brows pinched and his ears swiveled. He took a step, matching mine. Of course, he couldn’t speak as a wolf, but his question was evident on his face.Why not?
I sighed, holding my arms against my torso. “I’m a defective wolf,” I grumbled, unable to meet his gaze as I stared at my feet. “I haven’t shifted since I was eleven years old.”
Eli whined again, striding forward to nudge me. When I finally looked up, his blue eyes simply looked — curious. Concerned. There was nothing harsh there. I sighed and reached out to smooth my hands over his silvery fur, soothed by the feeling. I didn’t know why, but I didn’t want to look into that feeling right now. I didn’t want to look into the fact that my wolf seemed… awake right now, either.
“Look,” I sighed, smoothing my hands over his velvety ears. It was easier to pretend I was just talking to some wolf, not Eli — that he couldn’t say anything back made this easier somehow. “When I was eleven, there was a pack meeting. My pack, the Aurora Pack, wasn’t very big, so all twenty of us were there. I was so excited to go; it was my first time to attend with all the adults.” I smiled bitterly at the memory. “Hunters found us. We all scattered, but everyone was shot. Silver.”
Eli sat by my feet, pressing his face into my hands. He made a quiet, questioning noise. “I was shot too,” I admitted quietly. “I don’t know who found me. Someone called the state troopers at the sound of all the gunshots. No one else lived, but somehow, they managed to get me into emergency surgery and remove the bullet. I have a pacemaker now, though. And my wolf, she…”
I sighed, cutting myself off. I couldn’t even begin to explain it. How I’d only shifted once since then; howhorribleit felt to shift alone, without my mother and father. Without my best friend. I was only eleven and I blamedherfor those feelings of hurt, sadness, and guilt. As I got older, I realized it wasn’t her fault, but I’d spent years avoiding or hiding my wolf by then; after all, I hadn’t wanted any of my foster families to realize there was somethingdifferentabout me.
No more different than health problems, anyway.
Eli nudged my hand with a little huff, drawing me out of my thoughts. “Sorry,” I murmured, stroking his muzzle. “It’s not something I like talking about.” He huffed again and gave my palm a gentle lick. I smiled. “You know, like this, you’re a great listener,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.
He huffed and nudged me again. Clearly, he still wanted me to run with him. I sighed, but… I felt a little better than I had before. Justtellingsomeone took some of the weight off my shoulders. “Fine, fine. I’ll try. But if I can’t…” I made a face. “Then you don’t get to give me any grief about it, okay?”
The large silver wolf stepped back and gave a decisive nod with his head. I could tell there was a promise, even if he didn’t have the words to say it. I nodded, trying to steel myself as I took a deep breath. Even though my wolf was so close to the surface, nothing happened. I couldn’t pull her all the way forward. She was there, but she felt… stuck. Like she’d spent so long in one spot, she’d grown roots that anchored her down. I couldn’t help the soft, frustrated whine.
Eli tipped his head and then trotted forward, putting his paw on my leg again. I looked at him as he tilted his head to the other side; he nudged me several times. “What? I’m trying my best, Eli. It’s like she’s stuck.”
He huffed and bobbed his head before headbutting me again and then taking several steps back. He stamped both paws and looked me dead in the eyes. I could almost feel the warmth radiating from him, and something reminded me of a moment in my childhood — my first shift. I didn’t know what I was doing, but the pack alpha had been there. It was the same sort of warmth blanketing me. He didn’t force me to shift, not exactly, but… he had pulled my wolf in the right direction. Allowed her to step forward.
I blinked.Can he do that even though he isn’t my alpha? Even though I’m not a pup anymore?
To my surprise, my wolf gave a soft chirp, her ears pressing forward in something likeinterest. I hadn’t felt herinterestedin anything in… ages. I looked back to Eli. “If you’re going to do what I think you’re going to do — we can try it, but… Be careful, okay?”
The wolf gave a firm nod and then sat, staring directly into my eyes. A few moments later, red started to bleed into that beautiful blue gaze while I held my breath.Don’t resist.
It didn’t hurt. The alpha pulled gently, like he was tugging little knots, and one by one, they came unraveled. I gasped, surprised by the sudden release, and all at once, my wolf stepped forward in a jerky, halting step, like she was a pup all over again. I clenched my eyes shut, overwhelmed by the roaring sensation rushing through me—
And when I opened them again, I was lying on the forest floor, panting as Eli walked over, nosing my… fur.My fur!
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Instead of my tawny skin and plain tee, there was stark white fur and delicate forelimbs. My tail started to thump behind me, a sensation that felt as foreign to me as walking on water. A wolfish grin broke over my muzzle as I caught my breath and gathered my legs beneath me; the first step or two were awkward, but Eli didn’t laugh. Didn’t tease. Instead, he placed his bulk next to me, propping me up as I stumbled.
It was like riding a bike — a few steps in, and I’d been shifting regularly my entire life. A delighted yip escaped me, and I leaned over, giving his ruff a playful tug. Maybe I shouldn’t have just nibbled an alpha, but he didn’t seem to mind. If anything, his eyes brightened as his ears flipped forward, giving me a gentle nip on my ear in return.
Before I could retaliate, he set off at a steady jog; without even having to think, I trotted off after him, tail held high as I got used to the sense of working all four legs again. Before I knew it, we were loping through the woods, bouncing over logs and across streams. I knew Eli wasn’t using the full extent of his strength, but I didn’t care.
I’m running! I’mrunning!
I couldn’t remember the last time I was so happy.
Unfortunately,my strength didn’t hold out forever. After an hour of exploring the woods, my wolf felt so shaky I could barely hold on to her — we just made it back to the clearing where we’d started before I stumbled, falling onto my belly. When I moved to pick myself up, I was in my human form again, grumbling as I brushed the dirt off my knees.
Eli appeared a moment later, kneeling next to me to offer a hand. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, brows pinched together.
I flinched, refusing to look him in the eye. “Fine,” I muttered, pursing my mouth together. “It’s just… it’s just been a really long time. I don’t have that kind of stamina anymore.”
Never mind that my heart felt like it could beat out of my chest at any moment. I needed to slow my heart rate down; I hadn’t been thinking about it while we frolicked through the forest.Stupid,I scolded myself.You could hurt yourself that way.
Eli frowned but didn’t insist, allowing me to pick myself up and finish dusting off. “Would it be okay if we stop at the drive-thru again?” I asked, feeling the heat creep up the back of my neck. “I just — I feel really weak. Something to eat would probably help.”
“Of course,” Eli said, watching as if I might collapse at any moment.
I fought the urge to snap at him, taking a deep breath. “I’ll pay,” I said, carefully heading back towards where he parked. No matter how much money he might have, I wasn’t a mooch. “Even a soda is fine.”
