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“Uh-huh.” The corner of his mouth quirked upwards. “That shift seemed a little easier for you. How did it feel?”
I hummed thoughtfully, flexing my legs and wiggling my fingers. “Better,” I decided. “Tiring but… I don’t feel like I’m going to fall asleep at any moment.”
“That’s good.” Eli nodded. His eyes flicked away from my face to my chest, the rise and fall still a bit more rapid. His breathing had already settled. He reached forward with one hand and then stopped himself, eyes drifting back to my face.
I couldn’t help but smile a little. “You can touch it if you want. I know it looks different.”
Eli’s cheeks darkened as he dipped his head, but he reached out, gently running his fingers across my scars before tracing the outline of my pacemaker. He looked like he wanted to say something but didn’t.
I hummed, stretching out pleasantly. “Whatever you’re wondering, you can ask.” It was one thing when someone poked and prodded incessantly. I hated that. It wasn’t their business. But Eli and I weren’t total strangers anymore, and… I felt pretty relaxed at the moment. I wouldn’t mind if he had questions.
“Can you feel it?” He paused, looking a bit perplexed. “When you run or something, I mean?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I feel my pulse like anyone else. I work hard, I feel it speed up — or I get anxious, I feel it speed up.” I gave him a wry smile. “But if you mean, ‘do I feel it regulate my heart,’ no, not really.”
“Does it hurt if you bump it?” He nodded down at the outline on my skin.
“Well, yeah.” I snorted. “Same as if you bump your funny bone. It’s part of me. Whacking it would hurt.”
Eli chuckled, looking a little sheepish. “Guess that makes sense when you put it like that.” He paused, pursing his lips. “Can I ask another question?”
“Sure.”
“Will it kill you? I mean, I know it’s keeping your heart beating now, but is it like… I don’t know, chemo or something? The lesser of two evils.”
I fought the urge to snort, aware that Eli was asking out of a genuine desire to know more. “It’s not like chemo,” I said, shaking my head. “It won’t eventually kill me. It’s just an electric current. I suppose if I never changed the battery, that could be dangerous, but no.” I paused, chuckling a little. “You know, when I do actually die, it will keep trying to make my heart beat. It has to be ‘turned off,’ so to speak, with a powerful magnet.”
Eli made a face. “So… it’s a magnet?”
“No. Here, let me explain.” I said, wriggling to get more comfortable. “First, there are two types of pacemakers; they consist of a generator, a battery, and one to three small wires. There are little electrodes at the end of the wires. These electrodes attach to specific areas of the heart and send data to the generator's tiny computer.”
Eli blinked. “It has a computer?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah. It has a computer. Eli, we have supercomputers in our pockets these days; why does that surprise you?”
He shrugged. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Go on.”
“So, the computer sends programmed signals telling my heart when to beat. The battery is what powers it. Batteries are supposed to last anywhere from five to fifteen years. Replacing batteries isn’t a big deal, but it is still a minor surgery.” I shrugged. “I’ve had that done once already. It wasn’t that big of a deal compared to the initial one.”
Eli hummed thoughtfully. “You said there were two types?”
“Oh, yeah. There are demand pacemakers, which are used for slow or missed heartbeats. The other type is rate-responsive, which adjusts your heart rate based on what you’re doing.”
“So, yours is the second type?”
I winked at him. “Good guess.”
“I was listening,” Eli murmured, giving me a slight pout. It looked dangerously good on him. “That doesn’t seem entirely too bad, though.”
“Well…” I shrugged. “I also have to take blood thinners to prevent a blood clot. Hence the bloody noses.” I motioned at my face. “And some things would be more dangerous for me than your average woman.”
“Like what?”
“Hiking at elevation. Or just hiking in general, I guess. I have to be careful about my alcohol intake — and how many leafy greens I eat.” I snorted and stuck out my tongue, heartened when Eli laughed a little. “Can’t take random herbal supplements. Oh, and pregnancy is a lot more high risk when you take blood thinners. People do it, but you have to be monitored carefully.”
Eli hummed. “Do you ever want kids?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. On some level, I like the idea of not being the last member of my pack — of the Aurora Pack not dying with me, you know? But on another level… what the heck do I know about raising kids? My foster homes were… ugh.” I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. “Besides. I’ve never met a wolf that gave me that sort of feeling, either.” Which was for the best. That would have made my job a lot harder. “The only men I’ve ever dated were humans.”
