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Almost.
“Becca’s my granddaughter,” my grandmother tells Joshua. “She’s going to be staying with us for a while.”
Us?
After a moment’s silence, I hear Josh say, “Cool.” Right before he sets my suitcase by my feet. I pull up the handle and that’s all I do because I don’t know where I am and who I’m with and what the hell I’m doing.
“Josh lives in the garage apartment,” my grandmother informs and I nod in response.
“Did you need a hand carrying your bags up the stairs?” Josh asks.
I look back up at him but he’s already watching me—his eyes focused on mine like they were before.
“No,” I tell him, but it comes out a whisper. I swallow nervously, my mouth dry and my heart racing—no doubt caused by his impenetrable gaze. “But thank you.” This time I actually do smile. It’s fake as shit but it’s still there, and if I’m lucky enough, he won’t notice.
I don’t think he hears me though because he doesn’t seem to respond, he just continues to stare.
So I take a step back, away from all of them, rolling my suitcase with me as I look down at the kid; my new best friend. I raise my hand in another wave and somehow his smile gets even wider. He grabs onto his dad’s leg before shouting, “Bye Tommy!”
-Joshua-
Her eyes are the color of emeralds.
And that’s pretty much all I remember about her. Even now, after hours have passed, all I can think about are those eyes.
I get through the obstacle course of toys on the floor and answer the knock on the door. Chazarae stands on the other side greeting me with the genuine smile I’ve learned not to confuse with pity.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Everything’s fine. I just wanted to apologize to you about the Rebecca—I mean Becca—situation. It was very last minute and very—”
“You don’t need to apologize for anything. It’s your house.”
“No, Josh. It’s our house, and if I’d had more time I would’ve run it by you at least. I don’t want anyone—”
“It’s fine, ma’am. Really. I don’t mind at all.”
“Good,” she says, clearing her throat.
“So she’s staying for a while? Is everything okay? I didn’t even know you had a granddaughter.”
“I do.” She sighed. “She’s just graduated high school in Mississippi and she’ll be here—well, it’s a long, complicated story. One that I wish to stay between Becca and I. Okay?”
“Sure,” I tell her, though I don’t really know what I’m agreeing to. “She’s not, like, in trouble or anything is she?”
“Define trouble?” she mumbles, but it’s more to her than me so I leave it alone.
She turns to leave but before she does, I ask, “Is there anything I can do to make her feel more welcome or something? Anything?”
She sighs again, long and slow. “I think it’s best if you just leave her alone.”
2
-Becca-
intrigue
verb
ɪnË?triËÉ¡/
arouse the curiosity or interest of; fascinate.
I watch from my bedroom window as Joshua shakes hands with the guys who just delivered a mountain of soil and more plants than I can count. He and my grandmother stand side by side, Tommy is between them, as the guys get back in the truck and drive away. As soon as the truck’s gone, Joshua throws his arm around my grandmother’s shoulders and shakes his head.
Whatever he says makes her laugh, or at least I think it does. I don’t actually hear the sound, just see the tilting of her head and her eyes brighten when she turns to him. She reaches up and cups his cheek with one hand, her smile as genuine as the ones she’s been giving me the past two weeks since I’ve moved in.
Josh nods and starts walking toward the garage, his smile matching hers as he looks up. Up. UP. And when his eyes land on mine, his smile drops.
So does my stomach.
Shit!
I close the curtains and turn around, my thumb already between my teeth when I bite down on it.
My heart races and my eyes squeeze shut from the pain of it all.
My gaze, unfocused, settles on my thumb when I pull it out. The imprints of my teeth fade away as the blood slowly recirculates.
A moment later there’s a knock on my door. I get up and answer it. “Is everything okay?” my grandmother asks.
I nod. “Why?” I whisper.
I whisper a lot.
“Josh said he saw you looking outside. We’re working on my garden today. Do you want to join us? Maybe get some fresh air? Some sun?”
With a shake of my head, I close the door in her face.
Of course I feel bad for doing it, but I don’t control my actions—fear does.
I wait a few seconds before going back to the window and parting the curtains, just slightly, and look back down to the driveway. Grams comes out of the house and straight to Josh who seems to be waiting for her. They speak and whatever she says has him looking up. Up. UP. Again. To me.
I repeat the exact same process as last time. I shut the curtains, sit on my bed, bite down on my thumb until the pain numbs me and then I stare at the wallpaper.
I stare at the wallpaper a lot.
I’ve come to love the wallpaper.
Now though, I can’t seem to keep still. Maybe it’s because my heart’s racing, or my legs are shaking, or my fingers are itching to push aside the curtains again.
