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Chapter 11: Lilah
Oh god. So good. Soooo good. Ben picks me up and sets me on the counter like I weigh nothing. His hips press between my thighs, demanding to be closer as he wrestles control of the kiss. His lips are insistent but not frantic. He's all passion and contained power and it is really working for me. He has one hand in my hair, cupping the back of my head. His fingertips send little tingles down my spine as our tongues tangle. The other wraps around my lower back, holding my body flush against his.
What am I doing?! I shouldn't be doing this. It's too much, but I can't help myself as I wrap my legs around his waist. His steely length rubs against me and I moan. He smells amazing, like fresh ocean air, and he feels... right. He's so big that I feel like he could toss me if he wanted to, but instead he holds me like a treasure he can't stop touching. It's dangerously sexy, and he's ticking every box, including the ones I didn't even realize I had.
I've never felt chemistry like this. Every nerve in my body lights up when Ben strokes my back with his thumb and when his grip on my hair tightens it sends tingles of pleasure skittering up my spine.
His phone and watch both start pinging and I'm jarred back to reality. He pulls back, breaking the kiss to silence the phone.
"Sorry," he says as he looks at me under hooded eyes. His lips are swollen from kissing me and I touch my own lips, wondering if they look the same. His watch doesn't respond to his attempts to silence it, so he undoes the clasp and chucks it into the living room with a muttered, "fuck it."
I laugh, but the distraction gave me enough time to come to my senses. I can't just jump into bed with my new neighbor. There's a reason I don't date, and when this inevitably goes bad, I'll literally have to sell my house and move to get away from him.
I have to get out of here before the last pieces of my self control slip away. Seriously, I need to get a grip on my sanity. This is why we have vibrators.
Pressing my hands to his chest, I unwrap my legs from his body, just trying to get enough room to think straight. "I should go," I say.
His brow furrows in confusion. "I'm sorry... Did I do something...?" he trails off and I can see that he's worried he pushed me too far.
"No. No, this was equally my fault." I tell him as I look away. I can't meet his eyes because I'm not sure I'll be able to resist him if I do. I need to get out of here. I can't let this happen again and I know if I'm near him I won't be able to control myself. I press him back a little and he steps back, taking my hand as he helps me off of his counter. Jesus, he's sexy. Every little touch, even just the way he holds my hand in his, sends butterflies careening around in my stomach. Big, aggressive, horny butterflies.
"Thanks for bandaging me up," I say before trying to pull free and head for the front door. He grips my hand for a second, forcing me to turn around.
"Lilah, let me take you out for dinner tonight."
I freeze up like the spaz I am, my mouth hanging open as I try to find the right thing to say.
"I... I can't." I don't add that I am incapable of trusting anyone outside of my family. That agreeing to date him would be like taking my heart out of my chest and handing it to him, unprotected. Stupid and risky. I don't tell him he terrifies me. Not because of his size or anything he's done, but because the way he makes me feel is addictive.
I don't look up to see his reaction, just turn and walk out the door.
I rush home, trying to get my body back under control, but my thoughts are racing, running away from me. I can't shake the feeling that I left a piece of myself in Ben's kitchen. I don't feel quite whole, like there's a tiny little chamber in my soul that's echoing and empty.
I shut my front door and lean back against it. It has been a fucking morning and my body just betrayed me. One look from Ben and it gave me up. Not that I really blame my body. My head was there too and even though that bitch is usually pretty smart, she was all in. Ben was all smiles and dimples, but his eyes burned into me. I'm tingling everywhere he touched me, like my skin has been marked by his.
And oh, god, I am so wet. I'm seriously tempted to march back over there and throw myself in his hands just so he can take the ache away. I bet he's magnificent with those hands.
I'm exhausted and even though I'd like to go back to bed, I don't know if I could even fall back asleep at this point. I'd just lay in bed and pine after Ben.
I need a cold shower, and then I'll go to the bakery and help Olive. I'll be a couple hours early, but I might as well do something productive with all this pent-up energy. I take a quick shower, towel dry my hair, throwing on jeans and my favorite soft black t-shirt. I grab a clean chef coat out of my closet and head towards the front door. I only get two steps outside before I realize that my Jeep is still at Blue Ruin. That's just perfect.
Tapping out a quick message as I step back inside, I ask Olive to come get me so we can jump my car. She's outside my house 15 minutes later, honking, with the top down on her convertible. She has her long hair braided tightly, keeping it out of her face, and she looks like a movie star in her oversized sunglasses.
She waves at something over my shoulder, and I steal a look at Ben's house. He's back outside weeding the planters and gives her a little wave back. He gives me a wolfish grin, and I can tell even from here that he's thinking about the way I grabbed him and kissed him. I compulsively suck my bottom lip between my teeth because now I'm thinking about it and this is terrible timing for damp panties. He watches me all the way to Olive's car, and there's way too much heat in his eyes for him to be thinking about that rhododendron.
"Hey," I say to Olive as I sink down into the passenger seat. Ben's eyes are back on his plants, but he's grinning broadly, dimples in full effect. Olive lifts her sunglasses to her forehead and gives me a mischievous grin. She pointedly looks at Ben and back to me, twice, before wiggling her eyebrows.
"Um, far be it from me to meddle, but what is up with you two?" This bitch isn’t even whispering.
"Nothing," I say through clenched teeth. "Let's go."
Olive laughs quietly. "Nice try, Lilah. You’re a shit liar. Do you know that? There is some sizzling tension between you two. I'm kind of afraid to be in the middle lest I get burned."
I groan quietly and hiss, "Come on, Olive. I mean it. Let's go."
Olive steps on the clutch and throws the car into reverse as she eyes me, one eyebrow raised, and lips pursed as she tries not to smile. "Why are you blushing like that? That doesn't look like nothing. If something happened with sexy Clark Kent, you are legally obligated to tell me."
"No, I'm really not. I keep telling you that the sister code isn't legally binding. Besides, nothing is happening." I never should have told her about him. I blame Sally and her tequila slinging. I was weakened by my hangover.
