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Chapter 20: Lilah
Oh boy. If I'm being honest, that's a question with a really long, in-depth answer. I pour myself a second glass of wine and top up Ben's. Liquid courage for the win.
"I don't date," I say before taking a sip of wine. “At least that's the party line."
"That's a terrible answer."
I grin at him for a second before looking back at my wineglass and running my finger around the base so I don't have to make eye contact. "I know. I'm getting there. Dating has been... messy in the past. I have trust issues, at least that’s what my very expensive therapist said. Although, I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to figure that out, given my childhood."
I glance up at him and find him focused completely on my face, as if everything I’m saying is utterly captivating. I’m starting to realize that he always watches me like that when I’m talking. When Ben listens, he listens intensely. He holds my eyeline, even when I’m sarcastic or saying things that make most people uncomfortable. He doesn’t try to apologize for my past and there’s no judgement in his eyes. It makes me want to tell him everything.
"It makes it hard for me to connect with people… romantically. Because without trust and emotion, everything felt hollow. Boring, hollow conversations, boring, hollow dates, and boring, hollow sex. At some point I realized it wasn't worth the time because what's the point when I still felt empty at the end of it? So, I focused on work all the time and 'no dating' just became the rule."
It's not a conversation I've ever had with anyone else, not even that crazy expensive therapist. I don't think I've even put this much thought into it before now.
I'm still fiddling with my wine glass when Ben's hand reaches out and brushes his fingertips over the backs of my knuckles. A feathery, glancing touch that is so slight and shockingly intimate. I peek up at him and I swear the air between us charges with electricity when we make eye contact.
There's a tightness around his eyes that gives him a seriousness I've never seen from him before. "This doesn't feel hollow." His voice is low and rough, and it sets desire spreading through my body.
"No," I whisper back. I can't look away from him, but then, I really don’t want to. His fingers trace soft little circles on the back of my hand.
"You can trust me," he says.
"No, I can't." My voice comes out too breathy.
Ben grins, his dimples popping even as his eyes bore into me with pure hunger. "Why not?"
"You're too handsome and you're trying to get me to break my only rule. You're obviously trouble." The kind of trouble I'm finding it harder and harder to resist.
Ben circles my wrist with his hand and pulls me out of my chair. I go willingly because I am weak, and I don't want to fight the way he makes me feel. He settles me across his lap and kisses my neck.
"Maybe I'm the best kind of trouble," he says as he runs his lips along the length of my neck.
"I'm inclined to agree with that statement."
Ben chuckles and the sound vibrates through my body, sending up little goosebumps all over my skin. I wrap my arms around his neck and brush my lips against his. He kisses me back softly, one hand supporting my back and the other venturing up my thigh. Every second he spends touching me ratchets up my desire and every tiny movement makes me more and more aware of how wet I am. I'm seriously in danger of needing a new pair of panties, but I couldn't care less at this point.
He deepens the kiss, cradling the back of my neck and dragging my ass across his lap. The feeling of his hard length under me and the moan that rumbles through him is breathtaking, stoking the fire that has been burning in my body all night back into a blaze. I slide my hands under his sweater, seeking out the warmth of his skin. He shivers at my touch and it's insanely gratifying to have that kind of effect on him.
"If you want me to stop," he growls, "now would be a good time to say so." His eyes are dark with lust and the expression matches the aching need swirling inside me.
"Don't stop," I tell him. Ben stands, lifting me like a bride as I pull him close for another scorcher of a kiss. When he slides his tongue into my mouth, I suck on it, making him groan as he walks down the hall towards my bedroom. He sets me on my feet next to the bed, kissing me so deeply it's hard to catch my breath.
Ben breaks the kiss and reaches back to grab his sweater, pulling it off over his head in one smooth motion before tossing it across the room. Reaching out, I undo his belt, unbutton and unzip his pants. He shucks them, leaving his boxers to try to contain the massive erection he's sporting. The sight of his desire and the broad expanse of tanned skin and muscles is enough to make me drool.
"Holy shit, you're beautiful," I whisper. He’s all muscles and broad shoulders. I'm suddenly feeling insanely self-conscious but the burning heat in Ben's eyes is licking up and down my body and I don’t think he has any complaints at the moment. He reaches for my waist, his eyes dark and hungry as he bites his lip.
"My turn." His voice is low and desperately raspy. His hands slip from my hips down to the hem of my dress. He holds eye contact with me as he bunches the bottom of my dress in both hands and lifts it over my head, just slow enough that I could stop him if I wanted to. I throw my hands up so he can remove it and toss it with his sweater.
I wasn't expecting any of this when I got dressed tonight. I'm wearing a plain black bra and panties. I wish I had picked out better lingerie, but Ben is staring at me like I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. His mouth goes slack as he pulls me towards him. His big hands caress my arm and hip as he draws me in. He kisses me deeply as he dips his fingers into the front of my panties, one large finger sliding between my wet folds eliciting a gasp of pleasure.
I pull him backwards towards the bed and we tumble onto the mattress, a tangle of limbs and bare skin. He tosses his glasses on the nightstand and rolls over on top of me, nudging a thick muscular thigh between both of mine. He's so fucking big and I love the way his body feels pressing over mine, his weight pinning me to the mattress.
I stroke his cock through the thin fabric of his boxers, and he growls low in his throat, yanking my bra down and pulling my nipple into his mouth. The wet heat and scrape of his teeth as he moves back and forth between my nipples sets my aching core into overdrive. If I could just move my hips a little more… but Ben’s thigh pins my hips in place while he strokes my skin, holding me captive with his touch.
His hand roams my body, stroking my ribs with his fingertips, cupping my breast, and squeezing my other nipple until I'm a whimpering mess. I slip my hand under the waistband of his boxers to grip his shaft. He's so thick I can't even close my hand around him. I stroke him, enthralled by the feel of his hard length, and he shudders. Ben's hand abandons my breast to grip my wrist and pin it above my head.
"I won't last long if you keep that up, Princess."
