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Lina rushed to the bed, and before I knew what was happening, her arms were around me.
She waited while I let it all out, again, just like I had done withDad, only this was different. Because this was Lina, and there was no one in the world who understood me better than she did.
After a while, we lay on our sides, her body stretched beside mine, and I told her everything. Like I should have done when I realized I was falling in love with her cousin. When I finished, Lina remained quiet, understanding across her face.
“I’m so sorry, Lina,” I murmured, my voice scratchy and rough from all the talking and crying. “I didn’t mean to keep this from you. Not for this long but it all happened so… fast.”
She reached out for my hand and clasped it in hers. “I get it, you know?” she admitted with a shrug. “I might have been a little… hard on the idea of the two of you together. And that wasn’t fair to you or Lucas.”
“I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does, Rosie. You’re my best friend and I love you.” She grabbed my hand. “So of course it matters. Also… it’s really hard to be mad at you when you’re crying. It would be like kicking a cute but very sad puppy.”
That only managed to remind me of Taco, of Lucas.
I sighed. “I’m the furthest thing from cute right now, and we both know that.”
Her head tilted. “Yeah, you’re right. You’ve always been an ugly crier. But I still love you.”
That didn’t pull a laugh out of me, but I felt a little… lighter. Only because, if anything, I still had my best friend. That’d never change. Not even after I had kept something like this from her.
Lina hummed. “Can I ask you something?”
I nodded.
“Why did you think it would work?” she said, her expression turning serious. “Why did you think that this… dating experiment would lead to anything other than this?”
That was a very good question, I guessed. “I was desperate, Lina. Quitting InTech to write had somehow… increased the pressure I put on myself, so much that I felt sucked under a current. Dragged down by something I couldn’t control. The higher the stakes, themore blocked I became. So, when Lucas offered”—my breath hitched at the memory of his smile—“I wanted to say yes. Because it was him, but also because I wanted it to work. Maybe somehow I knew that he’d manage to make it work.”
And I guessed a part of me always knew that as long as it was him… I’d be inspired. I’d fall in love.
“So even after my own firsthand experience with faking love and dates and such,” she said, “you still thought playing charades with someone youmightlike wouldn’t confuse your feelings.”
“They’re not confused, Lina.”
Her brows wrinkled.
And before she asked, I said it, because what was the point in keeping anything else from her?
“I love him, Lina. I’m in love with Lucas. There’s nothing uncertain or confusing about how I feel.”
Lina didn’t speak for a few seconds, something in her eyes changing, dawning with more understanding.
“Did it help?” she asked. “Did Lucas make a difference in your book?”
“Yes,” I told her and, God, I guessed my tank had been far from empty because I wanted to cry again. “So much. He’s…” I shook my head.
She squeezed my hand. “Tell me.”
“He’s magic, Lina. He’s selfless and kind. He’s sweet and commanding. He managed to make me feel lighter, to make it all better. He has the most beautiful smile. And you probably don’t want to hear it, but the sex with him was something I’d never experienced before, something…” The pressure in my chest increased, making everything feel tight. “Lucas is the best man I’d ever known and I… really, really wanted him to want me as much as I wanted him. I thought for a second that maybe he would and now—”
Now my eyes burned again and if I finished that statement I’d need to gasp for air.
Lina started blinking, her eyes getting watery in return.
“Don’t you dare cry, too,” I told her with a broken laugh.
“Jesus, Rosie. I had no idea.” She shook her head. “But I guess… I guess it makes sense in a way.”
